Passion is fading. Should I divorce now?

[Anonymous]

Better to do it while you are young!! Why wait?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a kid, you do not divorce unless there is:
Abuse, Addiction or Adultery

I’m considering waiting until our son is older, but what about my own happiness? Should I really just endure the next decade? Don't I deserve to experience joy and passion? Plus, I don't want to show my son a bad example by remaining in a relationship that makes me unhappy. He'll notice that.
I'm feeling torn.

I'm a put-your-own-oxygen-mask-on-first kind of mom, but your level of selfishness is shocking.

Also, your expectation that you're going to have burning passion your entire marriage is unbelievably immature.

The fact that you think being married to your current husband, who you describe as a great guy and a wonderful dad, is ENDURING something is painfully myopic.

If you do decide to divorce, please give your husband primary custody so that at least your child will have one parent who considers the child's needs.

OP here.
Do you all not have any passion in your marriage anymore?
Isn’t that a bit sad?
I don’t believe that what I want is too much to ask. I know couples who have been together for many years and still feel that intense passion.
My parents have been married for 40 years. My Mom says she still gets butterflies when my Dad holds her hand, and the passion in their relationship hasn’t diminished.
I know it can happen.
Wanting this doesn’t make me a bad person.

I'm PP. I do have passion in my marriage still, but not every day in a constant state of butterflies like it was when we started dating and didn't see each other all the time. I still find myself catching a glimpse of my husband and thinking he is so hot and telling him so. That happens at least every week. I love touching him and being touched by him. I'm so much more deeply in love with him now that we have children and I've seen him be a dad. Our relationship has also deepened over time, especially as life has done some cruel things to both of us. I would take the depth and strength of our marriage today over the butterflies I felt when we were dating every day. I think you're mistaking intense passion as a sexual feeling for deep love, which I think is what these couples you're talking about have. But hey, if you want to go enter the dating pool at your age with a kid and see if you can find some kind of better passion, go ahead. Just leave your kid with your ex please.

[Anonymous]

You sound 17, not 35.

[Anonymous]

The story of us. It may have so things to consider...Op.

[Anonymous]

YOLO! If passion is the most important thing in your life, pursue that. You'll regret life and resent them if you didn't. Husband and kid will survive, will lose trust in people and need life long therapy but that's a them problem not a you problem. Go find your Fabio!

[Anonymous]

Open relationship.

I know a few women with a husband and a boyfriend. They have different roles. They seem to be living their best life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Open relationship.

I know a few women with a husband and a boyfriend. They have different roles. They seem to be living their best life.

Oh please! Making it messier isn't a solution.

[Anonymous]

This was why wine was invented, my dear. The passion fades after several hundred times over the years.
Welcome to the not-so-young-anymore club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both 35 years old and have been married for 5 years. We have a 7-year-old son together. My husband is a great guy, a wonderful dad, and all that, but I just don’t feel the same passion in our relationship anymore. We have a lot of intimacy, and it’s nice, I do enjoy it, but it used to be so much better. I don’t get that tingling feeling or butterflies when I’m with him like I used to.

We’ve talked about it. He has tried to bring that spark back, but I just can’t feel it anymore.

I’m considering divorce, but I feel guilty because he’s a good man and hasn’t done anything wrong. At the same time, I don’t want to stay and regret my decision later in life. It seems like it would be better to end things now while we’re still relatively young and can start over, right?

Looks like you are going crazy, OP. You have never thought about all of this when you married this guy and had a kid. It is your fault if you are going to make a few lives suffer because you can't find meaning in life and find something to do that you enjoy. This is terrible!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Passion is hormones meant to get you into a relationship.

You are a family now. You have ethical obligations to your spouse and kid.

Very few people have lifetime passion. How many spouses are you willing to discard before identifying this as a "you" problem?

I really don’t want to mess up my family. But is it really my fault that I don’t feel that passion anymore? Am I just meant to push aside my feelings and my happiness?
I know I could stick with the relationship and act like everything is fine, but isn’t unfair to my husband? Isn’t that just as wrong?
I didn’t decide to feel this way. I wish I could still experience love and passion.

Have you tried therapy? Before you break up your family, maybe spend some time figuring out if this is coming from within you (because then you'll find yourself in the same situation 5 years from now, but with much destruction behind you).

Ive been married for 14 years. At year 7 I had a intense crush on someone, lost passion for my husband, etc. considered divorce. But THANK GOD I avoided an affair and looked inward.


The passion is not there all the time, but now I feel so grateful when we both feel passionate for each other at the same time, and we always jump on the opportunity, and it happens maybe once a week. Other times I'm annoyed, he annoyed, we are both busy, we have other attractions, etc. but we come together whenever we overlap.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is I'm grateful every single day that my husband's exwife did this. I got the BEST partner out her crazy midlife destruction. She had a rotating door of boyfriends that didn't last and has been alone for a long while - still as self centered and miserable due to lack of unrealistic expectations as ever.

Their kids prefer our home as it's stable, happy, calm, predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both 35 years old and have been married for 5 years. We have a 7-year-old son together. My husband is a great guy, a wonderful dad, and all that, but I just don’t feel the same passion in our relationship anymore. We have a lot of intimacy, and it’s nice, I do enjoy it, but it used to be so much better. I don’t get that tingling feeling or butterflies when I’m with him like I used to.

We’ve talked about it. He has tried to bring that spark back, but I just can’t feel it anymore.

I’m considering divorce, but I feel guilty because he’s a good man and hasn’t done anything wrong. At the same time, I don’t want to stay and regret my decision later in life. It seems like it would be better to end things now while we’re still relatively young and can start over, right?

You would upend your child’s life because of passion? Why did you bring another human being into this world to put them thru that? There are many reasons to divorce-this is not one of them. Grow up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a kid, you do not divorce unless there is:
Abuse, Addiction or Adultery

I’m considering waiting until our son is older, but what about my own happiness? Should I really just endure the next decade? Don't I deserve to experience joy and passion? Plus, I don't want to show my son a bad example by remaining in a relationship that makes me unhappy. He'll notice that.
I'm feeling torn.

I'm a put-your-own-oxygen-mask-on-first kind of mom, but your level of selfishness is shocking.

Also, your expectation that you're going to have burning passion your entire marriage is unbelievably immature.

The fact that you think being married to your current husband, who you describe as a great guy and a wonderful dad, is ENDURING something is painfully myopic.

If you do decide to divorce, please give your husband primary custody so that at least your child will have one parent who considers the child's needs.

OP here.
Do you all not have any passion in your marriage anymore?
Isn’t that a bit sad?
I don’t believe that what I want is too much to ask. I know couples who have been together for many years and still feel that intense passion.
My parents have been married for 40 years. My Mom says she still gets butterflies when my Dad holds her hand, and the passion in their relationship hasn’t diminished.
I know it can happen.
Wanting this doesn’t make me a bad person.

Is your mom still having frequent sex and orgasms with your dad? Same as when first married? Better ask. Explain you aren't and want to get divorced. See what she says.

[Anonymous]

Um, will this be an uncontested divorce where you guys can easily agree on everything? Becuase otherwise the legal fees are a drain on your finances and the work to prepare for even mediation (you have to at least exchange finances for guideline child support) is a huge time suck.

I'm in the middle of the process and even though my case is very serious I sometimes wish I didn't have to do all this and spend all the $$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a kid, you do not divorce unless there is:
Abuse, Addiction or Adultery

I’m considering waiting until our son is older, but what about my own happiness? Should I really just endure the next decade? Don't I deserve to experience joy and passion? Plus, I don't want to show my son a bad example by remaining in a relationship that makes me unhappy. He'll notice that.
I'm feeling torn.

I'm a put-your-own-oxygen-mask-on-first kind of mom, but your level of selfishness is shocking.

Also, your expectation that you're going to have burning passion your entire marriage is unbelievably immature.

The fact that you think being married to your current husband, who you describe as a great guy and a wonderful dad, is ENDURING something is painfully myopic.

If you do decide to divorce, please give your husband primary custody so that at least your child will have one parent who considers the child's needs.

OP here.
Do you all not have any passion in your marriage anymore?
Isn’t that a bit sad?
I don’t believe that what I want is too much to ask. I know couples who have been together for many years and still feel that intense passion.
My parents have been married for 40 years. My Mom says she still gets butterflies when my Dad holds her hand, and the passion in their relationship hasn’t diminished.
I know it can happen.
Wanting this doesn’t make me a bad person.

I don't believe you're a bad person for asking this question, but I think you would be making a huge mistake to divorce over this. As someone who has been married over 20 years the passion has come and gone and then come back again, but my commitment to our family hasn't wavered. Life with young kids can be tough and it's not at all the excitement of new love, so you need to decide all of the things you will do to bring what you need. What are you doing to spark passion? Going on exciting trips? Trying new things? what are you investing in your marriage every day to make it better? You can leave and try something new but you will likely end up back here, and you will have hurt your husband and child irreparably.