Passion is fading. Should I divorce now?

[Anonymous]

The dating pool in your late 30s and 49s is not all that.

Only divorce for the three A’s. Abuse, adultery, and addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a kid, you do not divorce unless there is:
Abuse, Addiction or Adultery

I’m considering waiting until our son is older, but what about my own happiness? Should I really just endure the next decade? Don't I deserve to experience joy and passion? Plus, I don't want to show my son a bad example by remaining in a relationship that makes me unhappy. He'll notice that.
I'm feeling torn.

That’s very immature of you. You say that he’s a good partner but you’re only missing the spark. Even if you got with someone else, that spark would be temporary, and probably even non existence, because that’s mainly what younger people experience.

[Anonymous]

Divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a kid, you do not divorce unless there is:
Abuse, Addiction or Adultery

I’m considering waiting until our son is older, but what about my own happiness? Should I really just endure the next decade? Don't I deserve to experience joy and passion? Plus, I don't want to show my son a bad example by remaining in a relationship that makes me unhappy. He'll notice that.
I'm feeling torn.

You *have* experienced joy and passion. Now you're experiencing family life. Time to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both 35 years old and have been married for 5 years. We have a 7-year-old son together. My husband is a great guy, a wonderful dad, and all that, but I just don’t feel the same passion in our relationship anymore. We have a lot of intimacy, and it’s nice, I do enjoy it, but it used to be so much better. I don’t get that tingling feeling or butterflies when I’m with him like I used to.

We’ve talked about it. He has tried to bring that spark back, but I just can’t feel it anymore.

I’m considering divorce, but I feel guilty because he’s a good man and hasn’t done anything wrong. At the same time, I don’t want to stay and regret my decision later in life. It seems like it would be better to end things now while we’re still relatively young and can start over, right?

Are you generally a sensory seeking individual? What you are talking about (tingling and butterflies) is more associated with limerence and the first stage of love - when it is all new and exciting. This does not last. If you are lucky (and from your other comments, it looks promising if you want it) your relationship can move along to a more mature kind of love that is built upon stability, history, mutual caring for each other…….

If you want to be in a constant state of limerance, you will have to find a new partner every few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a kid, you do not divorce unless there is:
Abuse, Addiction or Adultery

I’m considering waiting until our son is older, but what about my own happiness? Should I really just endure the next decade? Don't I deserve to experience joy and passion? Plus, I don't want to show my son a bad example by remaining in a relationship that makes me unhappy. He'll notice that.
I'm feeling torn.

You would divorce a good man and father, subject your son to a revolving door of other men (since clearly you clearly care more about sex than your son)? You are unbelievably selfish. Seriously, grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both 35 years old and have been married for 5 years. We have a 7-year-old son together. My husband is a great guy, a wonderful dad, and all that, but I just don’t feel the same passion in our relationship anymore. We have a lot of intimacy, and it’s nice, I do enjoy it, but it used to be so much better. I don’t get that tingling feeling or butterflies when I’m with him like I used to.

We’ve talked about it. He has tried to bring that spark back, but I just can’t feel it anymore.

I’m considering divorce, but I feel guilty because he’s a good man and hasn’t done anything wrong. At the same time, I don’t want to stay and regret my decision later in life. It seems like it would be better to end things now while we’re still relatively young and can start over, right?

Are you generally a sensory seeking individual? What you are talking about (tingling and butterflies) is more associated with limerence and the first stage of love - when it is all new and exciting. This does not last. If you are lucky (and from your other comments, it looks promising if you want it) your relationship can move along to a more mature kind of love that is built upon stability, history, mutual caring for each other…….

If you want to be in a constant state of limerance, you will have to find a new partner every few years.

Exactly this. Your poor son.

[Anonymous]

You must be joking. Butterflies and tingling don’t last. You can get them from affairs or from serial new relationships. You do not keep that over a long term marriage. How do you not know this at 35 years old? You are not 15.

If you divorce seeking butterflies, you will be unhappy forever. You are chasing ephemeral.

[Anonymous]

*ephemera

[Anonymous]

Wow, this is so dumb. OP, did you really think the first kiss, and the last kiss, would be the same as all the middle kisses?

[Anonymous]

OP, where did you get your ideas of romance and married life? We need to make sure no one else is weened on the same syrup.

[Anonymous]

Yes that seems like a good enough reason.

[Anonymous]

I know one person who divorced for this same reason. She is still single at 60.

[Anonymous]

Irresponsable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Passion is hormones meant to get you into a relationship.

You are a family now. You have ethical obligations to your spouse and kid.

Very few people have lifetime passion. How many spouses are you willing to discard before identifying this as a "you" problem?

I really don’t want to mess up my family. But is it really my fault that I don’t feel that passion anymore? Am I just meant to push aside my feelings and my happiness?
I know I could stick with the relationship and act like everything is fine, but isn’t unfair to my husband? Isn’t that just as wrong?
I didn’t decide to feel this way. I wish I could still experience love and passion.