Agreed to a move for DH’s promotion with one condition. Now that condition is gone.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get this “I need to get even” attitude in married couples. How will your marriage last?

[Anonymous]

JFC re-reading this, I thought you moved out of state. So you moved from Alexandria or Bethesda into DC? Your kids are at the same school. You're ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Working til midnight every night sounds awful for anyone. I'm not sure this was a fair condition to impose. When you say "rotation" I assume he works in a medical field.

My ex began traveling constantly for work when our oldest was barely out of diapers. If anything, his schedule kept our marriage together for decades past its expiration date because I didn't have to actually deal with him on a regular basis.

If you're also working, hire someone to do some of the driving. Or divorce if this situation is a non-negotiable and move back to from whence you came.

Just don't stew in resentment over a setup that's not going the way you had expected. You do have options and you have a right to be annoyed/disappointed, but now that this is a reality, you need to decide how you want to move forward.

This. The harsh reality of this schedule is that if it isn't really temporary, it's going to be a marriage killer. He'll get home at what, 12:30, not be in bed until 1. With kids' school and her work, OP is up at, what, 7 at the latest? This isn't just bedtime, it's mornings too. If they share a bed Op will be woken up by him coming in and him when she gets up. So they won't sleep well and be grouchy.

And with the schedules not lining up, it's going to kill their sex lives.

Do people work these schedules? Sure. But they're practical nightmares and relationship killers. People who do work nights often have partners who have flexible schedules or it's just a pure need/survival thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was totally there with you on your post until you shared your children are middle/high schoolers. At this point they should be fairly independent, if not, this is a good opportunity to work on that. Is there an issue with driving? Such as one kid needs to be in one location at the same time while the other child needs to be at the opposite end of town at a similar time.
What is the hard part? Driving? Dinner? Something else?

Just FYI for those parents who don’t yet have MS and HS age kids. Parenting can sometimes be harder at these ages because things like learning disorders, anxiety, etc become more apparent when kids are no longer able to mask them. Not saying that’s the situation here, but the idea that older kids are just generally easier isn’t always the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You sound entitled and unreasonable. Your DH is at a new job and is WORKING, not goofing off. With the new promotion, hire someone to help you if it's so difficult. Creating more stress for your DH really isn't a good idea. It's called problem solving OP- try it.

I mean, I get. I would be incredibly annoyed with this schedule. Not because of childcare stuff but because I like having DH around. I think OP is being a tad ridiculous given the ages of her kids.

NP
Yeah your kids are old
Enough to help themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP, when you say midnight shift, what does that mean? What hours, exactly?

[Anonymous]

He can take all the kid doctor appointments, get the shopping done, prep meals, etc. I worked that shift for years, it’s pretty good. He goes to bed at 1-2, up at 9-10, gets paperwork, errands done during the work day and then goes to work. Your weekends should become easier because all the household errands you normally run on the weekend are done during the weekdays so your days off are your days off. Your kids are older. This isn’t wrestling with toddler bath time and diaper changes.

[Anonymous]

If this is an ER doctor, I would not expect much housework done. They are exhausted and overworked. Sometimes multiple patients dying during the shift. Give some grace to your husband. Also, private school and a nice house in the city? Comes with doctor's earnings. I am in such circles and marriages are more traditional if the man is a doctor.

[Anonymous]

6th grader and early high schooler can help with dinner, do homework and bathe and go to bed pretty well. It doesn't need to be that hands on. Get them to put their shoulders to the wheel with this big change.

[Anonymous]

Kids are big so independent but they won't see their dad on weekdays. No going to a game, playing catch, bike ride after school. No taking them to an activity where they actually open up in the car. I wouldn't want this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are big so independent but they won't see their dad on weekdays. No going to a game, playing catch, bike ride after school. No taking them to an activity where they actually open up in the car. I wouldn't want this.

Unfortunately, some professions are like that (doctors, pilots, policemen, etc.) We still need them.

[Anonymous]

OP while I empathize w/your plight, it appears that this decision is completely out of your husband’s control.
Yes it sucks but it sounds like your husband has no say in the matter.

Could you hire some outside help for the evenings?
Maybe 4-6 hrs. nightly would ease your responsibilities somewhat.

You could hire a Mother’s Helper, just an extra set of hands to assist you in your evening responsibilities.
Bonus points if she can cook.

[Anonymous]

He's a cop and you are a teacher, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this “I need to get even” attitude in married couples. How will your marriage last?

+1

[Anonymous]

He's a physician, presumably? My friend that's an ER doc perfers the PM rotations.

Hire help, easy peasy.