Agreed to a move for DH’s promotion with one condition. Now that condition is gone.

[Anonymous]

Money buys wants but doesn't meet needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a whiner. Seriously. This is not a big deal. People in my family are doctors. Doctors today have easier schedules than previous generations. Doctors dads did zero kid stuff. My mom saw her dad once a week at Sunday dinner. My cousins never saw their dads. You must be millennial or Gen Z. (I am late 40s).

Grow up! Your husband has a high paying, stable, and noble profession. Most people deal with career uncertainty their whole lives in other kinds of work. You are acting like a toddler.

Being a doctor doesn't mean requiring spouse to sacrifice their personal and professional lives or kids to miss out on an involved father.

I had a physician Dad and there was the occasional holiday shift and long hours, but nothing this pervasive.

I have two friends from high school who are doctors one a dad of two, the other a mom of four, and they don't work shifts like this either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money buys wants but doesn't meet needs.

Then give up the substantial raise and return to the previous model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a whiner. Seriously. This is not a big deal. People in my family are doctors. Doctors today have easier schedules than previous generations. Doctors dads did zero kid stuff. My mom saw her dad once a week at Sunday dinner. My cousins never saw their dads. You must be millennial or Gen Z. (I am late 40s).

Grow up! Your husband has a high paying, stable, and noble profession. Most people deal with career uncertainty their whole lives in other kinds of work. You are acting like a toddler.

Being a doctor doesn't mean requiring spouse to sacrifice their personal and professional lives or kids to miss out on an involved father.

Apparently today, that’s the attitude, but that didn’t used to be the case. People who are under 40 are so beyond entitled I can’t even believe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a whiner. Seriously. This is not a big deal. People in my family are doctors. Doctors today have easier schedules than previous generations. Doctors dads did zero kid stuff. My mom saw her dad once a week at Sunday dinner. My cousins never saw their dads. You must be millennial or Gen Z. (I am late 40s).

Grow up! Your husband has a high paying, stable, and noble profession. Most people deal with career uncertainty their whole lives in other kinds of work. You are acting like a toddler.

Being a doctor doesn't mean requiring spouse to sacrifice their personal and professional lives or kids to miss out on an involved father.

I had a physician Dad and there was the occasional holiday shift and long hours, but nothing this pervasive.

I have two friends from high school who are doctors one a dad of two, the other a mom of four, and they don't work shifts like this either.

There are so many different doctors. Are your friends in family practice? They work regular 9-4 jobs with occasional late night charts. There are highly specialized doctors who might work office house with rotating schedules, there ER doctors, there are locum medical personnel who travels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a whiner. Seriously. This is not a big deal. People in my family are doctors. Doctors today have easier schedules than previous generations. Doctors dads did zero kid stuff. My mom saw her dad once a week at Sunday dinner. My cousins never saw their dads. You must be millennial or Gen Z. (I am late 40s).

Grow up! Your husband has a high paying, stable, and noble profession. Most people deal with career uncertainty their whole lives in other kinds of work. You are acting like a toddler.

Being a doctor doesn't mean requiring spouse to sacrifice their personal and professional lives or kids to miss out on an involved father.

I had a physician Dad and there was the occasional holiday shift and long hours, but nothing this pervasive.

I have two friends from high school who are doctors one a dad of two, the other a mom of four, and they don't work shifts like this either.

There are so many different doctors. Are your friends in family practice? They work regular 9-4 jobs with occasional late night charts. There are highly specialized doctors who might work office house with rotating schedules, there ER doctors, there are locum medical personnel who travels.

Yes, but the specialty and shifts are a decision people make. Someone who goes into something like emergency medicine (which there's no indication this guy is), is making a choice at that time.

My Primary Care doc was an ER doc who stepped back from that too.

[Anonymous]

Op is probably a troll, because who is this inept?

[Anonymous]

Your DH can prep or make dinners, handle laundry, do all the stuff that isn’t in-the-moment. I’m betting he didn’t know he’d have to do this. As a PP said, employers have the upper hand more often than not these days.

I’m sorry, OP. It’s lonely and hard to do all the lifting. But at least your kids aren’t super young. There’s no bedtime routine, I imagine, and you can have a family meeting where you and DH talk to your kids about making sure the do their part in staying responsible, staying on top of their homework, etc.

[Anonymous]

I mean this isn't just about the kids either. When are OP and her husband going to spend time together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a physician, presumably? My friend that's an ER doc perfers the PM rotations.

Hire help, easy peasy.

He’s a DC government worker, think LEO or similar profession with the shift work.

Why would a surgeon have a residency requirement? Being licensed to practice in area isn’t the same as having to live in the area, unless of course he’s performing surgeries in his basement office.

[Anonymous]

I would also be angry. Working 12-midnight means he will not be available for any type of family life M-F or the weekends he works. No dinner together, school events, sports practices, homework help, hanging around watching TV, couple time, etc. Nothing. Sure it's doable if you have to, but the point is that he didn't have to take this job and uproot to a new house. OP, hopefully he can negotiate into a better schedule soon.

[Anonymous]

I feel like if you think you are going to be stuck with 100% of the workload then perhaps your spouse is a jerk to start with. If my husband has hours at home alone, I am sure the kitchen would be very clean, clutter would be dealt with and laundry would be done. In my case, I would still have the food burden (at least some) since he didn’t cook.

My bigger problem with this schedule would be lack of time as a couple and family. This would be very hard for us. We are all quality time people. It would not be sustainable for years on end.

[Anonymous]

This is the reason, so many physicians end up in divorce. They want their husbands and wives to put them on pedestal and put their own ambitions and interests on a much lower priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you say midnight shift, what does that mean? What hours, exactly?

Yeah, OP, you're going to need to be clearer about what his work schedule will look like (is the midnight shift starting or ending at midnight, how many days a week, how long are the shifts, etc.) and also what he does. If he's a highly paid physician, then you solve a lot of your problems by hiring things out so that you can prioritize family time when he is home and you don't get too stressed. Also, this is a rotation, so it's only for two years or so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a whiner. Seriously. This is not a big deal. People in my family are doctors. Doctors today have easier schedules than previous generations. Doctors dads did zero kid stuff. My mom saw her dad once a week at Sunday dinner. My cousins never saw their dads. You must be millennial or Gen Z. (I am late 40s).

Grow up! Your husband has a high paying, stable, and noble profession. Most people deal with career uncertainty their whole lives in other kinds of work. You are acting like a toddler.

Being a doctor doesn't mean requiring spouse to sacrifice their personal and professional lives or kids to miss out on an involved father.

I had a physician Dad and there was the occasional holiday shift and long hours, but nothing this pervasive.

I have two friends from high school who are doctors one a dad of two, the other a mom of four, and they don't work shifts like this either.

SOMEONE has to work shifts like this, though. Do you really not understand that?