Don't ask people about their weight loss.

[Anonymous]

TBH, I wanted people to notice the weight I lost a couple years ago. I worked hard to get there.

Now, I regained it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you lose the weight? Why is it such a big secret. Why not be open about it

OP here, this isn't even about how I lost the weight. It's about not commenting on someone's body. Ever.

And FWIW, it's not a secret how I lost weight. I told her, I was just really taken aback by her comment and the way she asked. I wouldn't have been annoyed if she just told me I look nice. The looking me up and down, too, that was gross.

So sometimes it’s ok to comment?

Saying "you look nice" and saying "you lost weight" are two very different things. Do you not understand that?

You lost weight is a neutral statement of fact. Saying someone “looks nice” now after weight loss b/c apparently they looked like shit before is horrible if the reason is because they are sick. Do you not understand the difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost a lot of weight about 10 years ago due to illness and tons of people told me how great I looked. That really bothered me. I was so sick I could barely eat anything for 6 months. So, that's what it takes for me to look great, I guess. I've recently lost a lot of weight again (although not as much as last time), and almost nobody has said a word. Maybe that's because I'm older and they think I might be sick?? Maybe it's because they suspect I'm using weight loss meds?? Or maybe it's because they still think I'm fat?? I'm not really sure. But after these two experiences, I think it's best to just not comment on people's bodies at all.

I truly think it is a cultural change. I also had many more people saying something 10 years ago, which really stressed me out and bothered me. Now I'm relieved they don't. I don't think it means they think anything negative about you, they've just learned the same lesson that it's better not to comment.

100% I would much rather people not say anything at all or just give me a general compliment that doesn't mention my weight at all.

And by all means, people, don't ever ask how someone lost weight. Just don't. If they want you to know, they'll tell you.

It all depends. In family, it’s ok. At work, no. Context matters and most people have functional relationships with family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost a lot of weight about 10 years ago due to illness and tons of people told me how great I looked. That really bothered me. I was so sick I could barely eat anything for 6 months. So, that's what it takes for me to look great, I guess. I've recently lost a lot of weight again (although not as much as last time), and almost nobody has said a word. Maybe that's because I'm older and they think I might be sick?? Maybe it's because they suspect I'm using weight loss meds?? Or maybe it's because they still think I'm fat?? I'm not really sure. But after these two experiences, I think it's best to just not comment on people's bodies at all.

I truly think it is a cultural change. I also had many more people saying something 10 years ago, which really stressed me out and bothered me. Now I'm relieved they don't. I don't think it means they think anything negative about you, they've just learned the same lesson that it's better not to comment.

100% I would much rather people not say anything at all or just give me a general compliment that doesn't mention my weight at all.

And by all means, people, don't ever ask how someone lost weight. Just don't. If they want you to know, they'll tell you.

It all depends. In family, it’s ok. At work, no. Context matters and most people have functional relationships with family.

Actually in my highly functional family we treat one another with good manners. My grandmother taught all of us that includes never saying anything about another person’s body, particularly a woman’s body. Somehow her great-granddaughter’s could learn that lesson easily but you still haven’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you lose the weight? Why is it such a big secret. Why not be open about it

Why do you care? You’re just as ill-mannered as MIL.

Are you one of those over sensitive people who won’t admit to weight loss drugs? Everyone is talking about those people behind their backs. If it was me, I’d rather someone just ask.

No, I’m someone who was properly raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have lost 40lbs over the past year. I see my in laws every few months. Today, my mother in law, who I last saw at Christmas (and mind you, I have only lost 4lbs since Christmas) looked me up and down and said "Have you lost a TON of weight?". I said "yes" and she promptly asked me how. No compliment in there or anything. Don't do that to people, folks. It's incredibly rude. Just don't talk about weight. Ever.

I don't see malice in her words.

[Anonymous]

According to Miss Manners, and other etiquette experts, it is never polite to comment on someone's body.

That is a different standard of behavior than many of us grew up with, but there's lots of language from my youth that's no longer acceptable in polite society.

We can complain and accuse Miss Manners of being too PC, but currently this is mainstream manners advice. Don't comment on weight.

[Anonymous]

What do I say if 1) if you knew me 5 years ago you would know that I weighed less (in a good way) than I do now and always had until then 2) I had a serious mental health crisis and went on meds that made me gain significant weight 3) I will keep losing weight to get back to how I had been

I feel like they are saying "you aren't as fat asyou used to be" and I want to say, I'm much fatter.

[Anonymous]

Looking for something to be offended by. Crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to Miss Manners, and other etiquette experts, it is never polite to comment on someone's body.

That is a different standard of behavior than many of us grew up with, but there's lots of language from my youth that's no longer acceptable in polite society.

We can complain and accuse Miss Manners of being too PC, but currently this is mainstream manners advice. Don't comment on weight.

Miss Manners says a lot of things you wouldn’t agree with such as writing thank you notes. Or not hosting your own shower or having your mom do it. She can’t be right when it’s convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost a lot of weight about 10 years ago due to illness and tons of people told me how great I looked. That really bothered me. I was so sick I could barely eat anything for 6 months. So, that's what it takes for me to look great, I guess. I've recently lost a lot of weight again (although not as much as last time), and almost nobody has said a word. Maybe that's because I'm older and they think I might be sick?? Maybe it's because they suspect I'm using weight loss meds?? Or maybe it's because they still think I'm fat?? I'm not really sure. But after these two experiences, I think it's best to just not comment on people's bodies at all.

I truly think it is a cultural change. I also had many more people saying something 10 years ago, which really stressed me out and bothered me. Now I'm relieved they don't. I don't think it means they think anything negative about you, they've just learned the same lesson that it's better not to comment.

100% I would much rather people not say anything at all or just give me a general compliment that doesn't mention my weight at all.

And by all means, people, don't ever ask how someone lost weight. Just don't. If they want you to know, they'll tell you.

It all depends. In family, it’s ok. At work, no. Context matters and most people have functional relationships with family.

Actually in my highly functional family we treat one another with good manners. My grandmother taught all of us that includes never saying anything about another person’s body, particularly a woman’s body. Somehow her great-granddaughter’s could learn that lesson easily but you still haven’t.

It’s cultural. Some cultures are more blunt than others. Other are cold and stand offiish and act like they barely know one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to Miss Manners, and other etiquette experts, it is never polite to comment on someone's body.

That is a different standard of behavior than many of us grew up with, but there's lots of language from my youth that's no longer acceptable in polite society.

We can complain and accuse Miss Manners of being too PC, but currently this is mainstream manners advice. Don't comment on weight.

Miss Manners says a lot of things you wouldn’t agree with such as writing thank you notes. Or not hosting your own shower or having your mom do it. She can’t be right when it’s convenient.

I still write thank you notes. and don't think it's correct to host my own shower or have my mom host it. An aunt or cousin is okay. Family friend is best. But I would never say that anywhere but an anonymous forum. I'm fine with anyone and everyone breaking all the etiquette rules (so long as they're kind) but think it's still good to know the rules.

[Anonymous]

Adding: when a bridesmaid asked me to host a shower for a family member, I said, "how lovely" and then called back to explain a family friend really wanted to do it, so friend would host and I'd help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost a lot of weight about 10 years ago due to illness and tons of people told me how great I looked. That really bothered me. I was so sick I could barely eat anything for 6 months. So, that's what it takes for me to look great, I guess. I've recently lost a lot of weight again (although not as much as last time), and almost nobody has said a word. Maybe that's because I'm older and they think I might be sick?? Maybe it's because they suspect I'm using weight loss meds?? Or maybe it's because they still think I'm fat?? I'm not really sure. But after these two experiences, I think it's best to just not comment on people's bodies at all.

I truly think it is a cultural change. I also had many more people saying something 10 years ago, which really stressed me out and bothered me. Now I'm relieved they don't. I don't think it means they think anything negative about you, they've just learned the same lesson that it's better not to comment.

100% I would much rather people not say anything at all or just give me a general compliment that doesn't mention my weight at all.

And by all means, people, don't ever ask how someone lost weight. Just don't. If they want you to know, they'll tell you.

It all depends. In family, it’s ok. At work, no. Context matters and most people have functional relationships with family.

Actually in my highly functional family we treat one another with good manners. My grandmother taught all of us that includes never saying anything about another person’s body, particularly a woman’s body. Somehow her great-granddaughter’s could learn that lesson easily but you still haven’t.

We also grew up with the maxim of never making personal remarks

[Anonymous]

I've lost about 70lbs and it happens to me as well. People are rude.

I went to a dinner party a month or so ago. Three couples, including us. Walked in, greeted the host and his wife and the other couple, DH and the other two men went out to mess with a grill, and I immediately got "You have lost a lot of weight." I ignored it. Then I got "Are you healthy?" and I said "Yes" (I assumed she was checking to see if I wasn't dying of cancer or something). Then it was "How did you do it?" It went from bad to worse when I told them I was on Wegovy and one of the women said "Oh, the easy way," and I said "Not really, I've shit my pants twice." It put an end to it, but my manners were arguably worse than theirs at that point (although they started it ... opened the door as we litigators sometimes say).