Don't ask people about their weight loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to Miss Manners, and other etiquette experts, it is never polite to comment on someone's body.

That is a different standard of behavior than many of us grew up with, but there's lots of language from my youth that's no longer acceptable in polite society.

We can complain and accuse Miss Manners of being too PC, but currently this is mainstream manners advice. Don't comment on weight.

PC? I'm not sure you understand that term?

[Anonymous]

Is it okay to say “you look really healthy?” I saw someone did the first time in many months and did not realize it was her initially, due to significant weight loss (it was not someone I knew very well). I was so embarrassed (for myself). I did say “you look great, just really healthy” and was mortified afterward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it okay to say “you look really healthy?” I saw someone did the first time in many months and did not realize it was her initially, due to significant weight loss (it was not someone I knew very well). I was so embarrassed (for myself). I did say “you look great, just really healthy” and was mortified afterward.

Honestly I would find that off putting, so your instinct is correct lol but I appreciate that you were mortified by it and it sounds like it just slipped out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole new (well compared to decades ago) more about not ever commenting on other people's bodies is fine.
But it really is weird when you lose 100 pounds and no one seems to notice. It's like you are invisible. Btdt.

Are they talking to you? Then you're not invisible to them.

HTH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's weird that you think talking about weight is rude. It means you interiorized that losing weight is "good" and gaining weight is "bad". That's on you. Acquaintances and casual friends don't usually ask personal questions, but if it's a close relative, I understand that they might feel close enough to ask. This is basically the perennial question of whether your MIL is your close relative or your most hated enemy...

Its not that weight is rude, its that you don’t discuss a person’s body. If they want to talk to you about it they will bring it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to Miss Manners, and other etiquette experts, it is never polite to comment on someone's body.

That is a different standard of behavior than many of us grew up with, but there's lots of language from my youth that's no longer acceptable in polite society.

We can complain and accuse Miss Manners of being too PC, but currently this is mainstream manners advice. Don't comment on weight.

PC? I'm not sure you understand that term?

I'm not sure you've read Miss Manners, who leans quite far left (except for not liking breastfeeding in public)

[Anonymous]

In October 2024 I was diagnosed w a slow growing blood cancer. It makes me fatigued and nauseous, at times. Hence, I’ve lost 20 lbs off a a fairly trim figure to begin with.
Many questions, a you look great to a what happened to how do you do it. I really don’t want to adddress any of it to acquaintances.
I did stop drinking though, to reduce inflammation. I tell ppl that.
But, I feel it’s rude to inquire.
Please don’t ask.

[Anonymous]

I think it's super rude to ask someone HOW they lost weight. What worked for me isn't likely to work for you anyway.

[Anonymous]

If someone comments on your body the most appropriate response is to comment on theirs in response. So if they tell you that you look like they have lost weight, it’s appropriate to tell them they are looking chunky or ask why they look so tired.

[Anonymous]

Get over yourself, OP

[Anonymous]

My MIL is like this. Lost about 20lb in the last 4 months since I saw her. No, I’m not too thin, I still have more to lose in fact. She stared at my body in a very obvious way and waited until we were alone and goes “you’ve lost weight!”. I just said “yup” and kept drinking my coffee. She silently stared at me for like 10 full seconds after that just waiting for details I guess?? Apparently she also asked my husband about it later that weekend, just like “she’s lost weight hasn’t she?” Which is even more rude to be honest. My husband said he was just like “yeah I guess she has lost a little weight”.
I do take Zepbound and I’m happy to discuss it with pretty much anyone except for my gossipy MIL who also makes things up routinely about other people in the family and I shudder to think what she’s already told extended family members about me, both true and not true. Anyways then I later noticed that my Zepbound was moved in the fridge from the back to the very front center. Hahahahahaha. I just moved it to the back again. Why does she care??? She’s already thin before anyone accuses me of not sharing info about the meds with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like this. Lost about 20lb in the last 4 months since I saw her. No, I’m not too thin, I still have more to lose in fact. She stared at my body in a very obvious way and waited until we were alone and goes “you’ve lost weight!”. I just said “yup” and kept drinking my coffee. She silently stared at me for like 10 full seconds after that just waiting for details I guess?? Apparently she also asked my husband about it later that weekend, just like “she’s lost weight hasn’t she?” Which is even more rude to be honest. My husband said he was just like “yeah I guess she has lost a little weight”.
I do take Zepbound and I’m happy to discuss it with pretty much anyone except for my gossipy MIL who also makes things up routinely about other people in the family and I shudder to think what she’s already told extended family members about me, both true and not true. Anyways then I later noticed that my Zepbound was moved in the fridge from the back to the very front center. Hahahahahaha. I just moved it to the back again. Why does she care??? She’s already thin before anyone accuses me of not sharing info about the meds with her.

Go lose more.

[Anonymous]

Don't be ashamed of your zemp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like this. Lost about 20lb in the last 4 months since I saw her. No, I’m not too thin, I still have more to lose in fact. She stared at my body in a very obvious way and waited until we were alone and goes “you’ve lost weight!”. I just said “yup” and kept drinking my coffee. She silently stared at me for like 10 full seconds after that just waiting for details I guess?? Apparently she also asked my husband about it later that weekend, just like “she’s lost weight hasn’t she?” Which is even more rude to be honest. My husband said he was just like “yeah I guess she has lost a little weight”.
I do take Zepbound and I’m happy to discuss it with pretty much anyone except for my gossipy MIL who also makes things up routinely about other people in the family and I shudder to think what she’s already told extended family members about me, both true and not true. Anyways then I later noticed that my Zepbound was moved in the fridge from the back to the very front center. Hahahahahaha. I just moved it to the back again. Why does she care??? She’s already thin before anyone accuses me of not sharing info about the meds with her.

Go lose more.

NP. Go consume a phallus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost a lot of weight about 10 years ago due to illness and tons of people told me how great I looked. That really bothered me. I was so sick I could barely eat anything for 6 months. So, that's what it takes for me to look great, I guess. I've recently lost a lot of weight again (although not as much as last time), and almost nobody has said a word. Maybe that's because I'm older and they think I might be sick?? Maybe it's because they suspect I'm using weight loss meds?? Or maybe it's because they still think I'm fat?? I'm not really sure. But after these two experiences, I think it's best to just not comment on people's bodies at all.

I truly think it is a cultural change. I also had many more people saying something 10 years ago, which really stressed me out and bothered me. Now I'm relieved they don't. I don't think it means they think anything negative about you, they've just learned the same lesson that it's better not to comment.

100% I would much rather people not say anything at all or just give me a general compliment that doesn't mention my weight at all.

And by all means, people, don't ever ask how someone lost weight. Just don't. If they want you to know, they'll tell you.

It all depends. In family, it’s ok. At work, no. Context matters and most people have functional relationships with family.

Actually in my highly functional family we treat one another with good manners. My grandmother taught all of us that includes never saying anything about another person’s body, particularly a woman’s body. Somehow her great-granddaughter’s could learn that lesson easily but you still haven’t.

I suppose its better to talk about behind their back when they aren't there.