Don't ask people about their weight loss.

[Anonymous]

I'm really old and grew up in a time and place disordered eating was encouraged and cat calls, handsy men, and workplace sexual harassment was the norm. As I see it, not commenting on women's bodies.. at all.. is really a nicer way for most of us to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A compliment? What if it was due to illness. You would have gone through the roof.

Very true. My elderly father once saw my SIL (my DH's sister) after many years and commented on how good she looked and implied that she looked good because she had lost weight. I was mortified because I knew what he didn't know--she had lost weight due to going through treatment for uterine cancer.

[Anonymous]

Really. Don’t comment on weight loss. My own kid had a serious illness that resulted in weight loss. Several of her friends struggled with eating disorders. Not a good idea to reinforce eating behaviors that are extremely destructive. Just don't comment on people’s bodies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have just said “no,” or “I’m not sure.” It drives people crazy. Rude people who are rude enough to comment on weight loss, that is.

This is what I do. I've lost about 30 lbs over the past 12 months as the result of some medication I'm taking for an unrelated illness. I'm honest with my close family, since the illness isn't a secret, but the most random people have asked me "Have you stopped eating?" and "Have you lost weight?" and every time I just look at them like a slightly confused Golden Retriever and pretend I have no idea what they are talking about.

[Anonymous]

I don't see what's big deal about it. Even if they don't ask, you both know that's an elephant in the room.

[Anonymous]

My husband lost 75 lbs using wegovy, exercise, and careful diet. He now does serious weight training and cardio. He loves it when people notice because it’s validation of all his efforts.

[Anonymous]

DH intentionally lost 40 lbs in a 15 month period. His boss commented on his weight in other colleagues’ presence. Why are some people with higher degrees that stupid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband lost 75 lbs using wegovy, exercise, and careful diet. He now does serious weight training and cardio. He loves it when people notice because it’s validation of all his efforts.

Awesome. That’s why it’s fine to say something like, “You look great” or “It’s great to see you,” because the people who want to talk about that can easily use that as their opening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost a lot of weight about 10 years ago due to illness and tons of people told me how great I looked. That really bothered me. I was so sick I could barely eat anything for 6 months. So, that's what it takes for me to look great, I guess. I've recently lost a lot of weight again (although not as much as last time), and almost nobody has said a word. Maybe that's because I'm older and they think I might be sick?? Maybe it's because they suspect I'm using weight loss meds?? Or maybe it's because they still think I'm fat?? I'm not really sure. But after these two experiences, I think it's best to just not comment on people's bodies at all.

I truly think it is a cultural change. I also had many more people saying something 10 years ago, which really stressed me out and bothered me. Now I'm relieved they don't. I don't think it means they think anything negative about you, they've just learned the same lesson that it's better not to comment.

100% I would much rather people not say anything at all or just give me a general compliment that doesn't mention my weight at all.

And by all means, people, don't ever ask how someone lost weight. Just don't. If they want you to know, they'll tell you.

It all depends. In family, it’s ok. At work, no. Context matters and most people have functional relationships with family.

Actually in my highly functional family we treat one another with good manners. My grandmother taught all of us that includes never saying anything about another person’s body, particularly a woman’s body. Somehow her great-granddaughter’s could learn that lesson easily but you still haven’t.

I suppose its better to talk about behind their back when they aren't there.

Look if that’s what you talk about with your family, that’s fine. By and large we have more interesting things to discuss. The most I’ve heard someone say about another person’s appearance outside their hearing is “Kitty looked great at the beach”.

Perhaps you could suggest reading a book at the same time so you have something more diverting to discuss than other people’s bodies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what's big deal about it. Even if they don't ask, you both know that's an elephant in the room.

I think you’re over, estimating the degree to which most people are interested in others bodies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what's big deal about it. Even if they don't ask, you both know that's an elephant in the room.

I don't understand why you think it's an elephant in the room. Please explain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what's big deal about it. Even if they don't ask, you both know that's an elephant in the room.

I don't understand why you think it's an elephant in the room. Please explain?

Because if I see someone who lost 40lbs but not allowed to say anything, that person knows what I am thinking, I know what I am thinking and I know that the person is thinking... but neither is willing to say anything. How stupid is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what's big deal about it. Even if they don't ask, you both know that's an elephant in the room.

I don't understand why you think it's an elephant in the room. Please explain?

Because if I see someone who lost 40lbs but not allowed to say anything, that person knows what I am thinking, I know what I am thinking and I know that the person is thinking... but neither is willing to say anything. How stupid is that?

Why are you so focused on someone's looks, though?

If I see someone who has lost a lot of weight, I think to myself "oh, she has lost a lot of weight." I might say "you look great today" or I might not, but then I move on. There's no elephant there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what's big deal about it. Even if they don't ask, you both know that's an elephant in the room.

I don't understand why you think it's an elephant in the room. Please explain?

Because if I see someone who lost 40lbs but not allowed to say anything, that person knows what I am thinking, I know what I am thinking and I know that the person is thinking... but neither is willing to say anything. How stupid is that?

That's called tact. The same as if you see someone with a giant pimple, or meet someone with an obvious disability, or a person with who has gone bald or turned grey since you last saw them.

[Anonymous]

Don’t ask personal questions period.
Better yet don’t ask me anything I can’t ask you.