Don't ask people about their weight loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have lost 40lbs over the past year. I see my in laws every few months. Today, my mother in law, who I last saw at Christmas (and mind you, I have only lost 4lbs since Christmas) looked me up and down and said "Have you lost a TON of weight?". I said "yes" and she promptly asked me how. No compliment in there or anything. Don't do that to people, folks. It's incredibly rude. Just don't talk about weight. Ever.

Is she also trying to lose weight? Is anyone else in the family fat?

It doesn't matter. It's always rude to ask someone about their weight.

Some people in this world are SO SENSITIVE.

Maybe. But the people not asking about other people’s weight and body aren’t sensitive— they’re well raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you lose the weight? Why is it such a big secret. Why not be open about it

Why do you care? You’re just as ill-mannered as MIL.

Are you one of those over sensitive people who won’t admit to weight loss drugs? Everyone is talking about those people behind their backs. If it was me, I’d rather someone just ask.

+1.

This new age of weight loss injectables is so funny to me. People are proud to show off their bodies and the weight they lost, but they get so offended when people ask or assume they're on an injectable (when they are).

They want people to compliment their weight loss/body, but they also want people to believe they earned it through diet and exercise. Almost as if they're intrinsically ashamed that they cheated their weight loss, but need the extrinsic validation.

It's a weird phenomenon that we're seeing more and more of as the injectables become more and more popular. We're quickly becoming a world where people with a "healthy BMI" have the same clogged up arteries and mile run times as obese people.

OP here. I don’t want people to compliment my weight. I want people to not discuss it at all because it’s irrelevant. Now please take your judgment to that horrific thread in the diet and nutrition board. This is not about GLP-1 usage, it is about not commenting on people’s bodies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Don’t ask personal questions period.
Better yet don’t ask me anything I can’t ask you.

You must have really interesting relationships with your family members (and yes, a MIL is part of your family.)

I am OP. I did not post what you’re responding to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you lose the weight? Why is it such a big secret. Why not be open about it

Why do you care? You’re just as ill-mannered as MIL.

Are you one of those over sensitive people who won’t admit to weight loss drugs? Everyone is talking about those people behind their backs. If it was me, I’d rather someone just ask.

+1.

This new age of weight loss injectables is so funny to me. People are proud to show off their bodies and the weight they lost, but they get so offended when people ask or assume they're on an injectable (when they are).

They want people to compliment their weight loss/body, but they also want people to believe they earned it through diet and exercise. Almost as if they're intrinsically ashamed that they cheated their weight loss, but need the extrinsic validation.

It's a weird phenomenon that we're seeing more and more of as the injectables become more and more popular. We're quickly becoming a world where people with a "healthy BMI" have the same clogged up arteries and mile run times as obese people.

OP here. I don’t want people to compliment my weight. I want people to not discuss it at all because it’s irrelevant. Now please take your judgment to that horrific thread in the diet and nutrition board. This is not about GLP-1 usage, it is about not commenting on people’s bodies.

+1000

So many ill-intentioned assumptions in that PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you lose the weight? Why is it such a big secret. Why not be open about it

Why do you care? You’re just as ill-mannered as MIL.

Are you one of those over sensitive people who won’t admit to weight loss drugs? Everyone is talking about those people behind their backs. If it was me, I’d rather someone just ask.

+1.

This new age of weight loss injectables is so funny to me. People are proud to show off their bodies and the weight they lost, but they get so offended when people ask or assume they're on an injectable (when they are).

They want people to compliment their weight loss/body, but they also want people to believe they earned it through diet and exercise. Almost as if they're intrinsically ashamed that they cheated their weight loss, but need the extrinsic validation.

It's a weird phenomenon that we're seeing more and more of as the injectables become more and more popular. We're quickly becoming a world where people with a "healthy BMI" have the same clogged up arteries and mile run times as obese people.

This is such an f'ed up world view. Nobody "earned" their body and nobody is "cheating" their weight loss. Weight is not money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you share? Are you taking an injectable. I would be flattered she noticed.

How often do you really look a person up and down?

Sounds like you are looking for a reason to be offended.

To be it's like saying...I thought of you as fat! Even if you mean it as a compliment.

I don’t think that’s it. 40 lbs is a lot of weight, that usually means the person was overweight before. She should have said you look good because I bet you do.

[Anonymous]

You should say 'thanks' and tell her that her face looks less wrinkly.

[Anonymous]

My MIL always comments on my weight even though I have neither gained or lost any.

Many women of her generation were just socialized to think about weight ALL THE TIME and it's how they relate to other women and they compulsively compare their weight to that of other women. My mom doesn't talk about it like MIL does but she definitely has this mindset.

I have also met women my own age (40s) who are like this, though it manifests a little differently -- more overtly competitive but also more likely to use "healthy" as a euphemism for "thin" and "eating clean" or "eating whole foods" as a euphemism for "dieting", so the intent is obscured.

I am combating this for myself and my daughter by taking the radical approach of just not giving af about weight, ever. I don't actually know what I weigh, and neither does DD (we could look it up in our medical records if we had to, the doctors office is the only place we ever get weighed). We don't talk about weight in our house. We do talk about how our bodies feel and how we feel about them, but the focus is on energy levels, being able to do things physically (like I'm rehabbing a sports injury right now and being restricted in what I can do sucks and I complain about it), that kind of thing.

I think the only way to replace the obsessive weight/diet culture is to just eliminate it as a category of knowledge/discussion/interest. So I agree with OP. Don't ask, don't discuss. It's fine to take about health, exercise, etc. Weight? Every body is different. People are healthy or unhealthy at different weights. There's no point in discussing it because it's not a useful measure of anything on it's own and it's impossible for people to contextualize it properly because they live in a different body with different proportions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you share? Are you taking an injectable. I would be flattered she noticed.

How often do you really look a person up and down?

Sounds like you are looking for a reason to be offended.

To be it's like saying...I thought of you as fat! Even if you mean it as a compliment.

I don’t think that’s it. 40 lbs is a lot of weight, that usually means the person was overweight before. She should have said you look good because I bet you do.

Some people don't want to be judged on the basis of "you look less fat than before, which is good" even if it's true. I understand some people cannot fathom this but it's true for some of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you share? Are you taking an injectable. I would be flattered she noticed.

How often do you really look a person up and down?

Sounds like you are looking for a reason to be offended.

To be it's like saying...I thought of you as fat! Even if you mean it as a compliment.

I don’t think that’s it. 40 lbs is a lot of weight, that usually means the person was overweight before. She should have said you look good because I bet you do.

Some people don't want to be judged on the basis of "you look less fat than before, which is good" even if it's true. I understand some people cannot fathom this but it's true for some of us.

This is the crux of it. Some people think in very binary ways about weight, where thinner always equal better and fatter always equals worse. If this is your thought process, the idea that you wouldn't compliment someone's weight loss is unfathomable because obviously all weight loss is good and should be celebrated.

Whereas I just don't like other people looking at and evaluating my body. I know they do it, but would prefer they kept their thoughts on it to themselves because I'm not interested in their feedback. I think my weight is no one's business but mine. it feels invasive to discuss it.

[Anonymous]

I agree. A simple “you look great” is basically all you should say, or keep quiet if not (and say so great to see you!). This goes for people at both ends of the weight spectrum.

[Anonymous]

I say nothing and assume semaglutides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you share? Are you taking an injectable. I would be flattered she noticed.

How often do you really look a person up and down?

Sounds like you are looking for a reason to be offended.

To be it's like saying...I thought of you as fat! Even if you mean it as a compliment.

I don’t think that’s it. 40 lbs is a lot of weight, that usually means the person was overweight before. She should have said you look good because I bet you do.

Some people don't want to be judged on the basis of "you look less fat than before, which is good" even if it's true. I understand some people cannot fathom this but it's true for some of us.

This is the crux of it. Some people think in very binary ways about weight, where thinner always equal better and fatter always equals worse. If this is your thought process, the idea that you wouldn't compliment someone's weight loss is unfathomable because obviously all weight loss is good and should be celebrated.

Whereas I just don't like other people looking at and evaluating my body. I know they do it, but would prefer they kept their thoughts on it to themselves because I'm not interested in their feedback. I think my weight is no one's business but mine. it feels invasive to discuss it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say nothing and assume semaglutides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL always comments on my weight even though I have neither gained or lost any.

Many women of her generation were just socialized to think about weight ALL THE TIME and it's how they relate to other women and they compulsively compare their weight to that of other women. My mom doesn't talk about it like MIL does but she definitely has this mindset.

I have also met women my own age (40s) who are like this, though it manifests a little differently -- more overtly competitive but also more likely to use "healthy" as a euphemism for "thin" and "eating clean" or "eating whole foods" as a euphemism for "dieting", so the intent is obscured.

I am combating this for myself and my daughter by taking the radical approach of just not giving af about weight, ever. I don't actually know what I weigh, and neither does DD (we could look it up in our medical records if we had to, the doctors office is the only place we ever get weighed). We don't talk about weight in our house. We do talk about how our bodies feel and how we feel about them, but the focus is on energy levels, being able to do things physically (like I'm rehabbing a sports injury right now and being restricted in what I can do sucks and I complain about it), that kind of thing.

I think the only way to replace the obsessive weight/diet culture is to just eliminate it as a category of knowledge/discussion/interest. So I agree with OP. Don't ask, don't discuss. It's fine to take about health, exercise, etc. Weight? Every body is different. People are healthy or unhealthy at different weights. There's no point in discussing it because it's not a useful measure of anything on it's own and it's impossible for people to contextualize it properly because they live in a different body with different proportions.

+1
My FIL is like this.