Second Shift - sucks for dads too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never leave the house with the dryer on.

then start the dryer when you get home.

If you love mildew scented clothes!

Then, start a load when you get home. Put it in the dryer at dinner time. Fold it and put it away after dinner. You can still manage to do ONE load a day. Use your critical thinking skills. This isn’t rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree it is really hard OP. That's why young people don't want kids anymore. Depending on your kids age, it might be worth considering big changes. Can one spouse possibly find another job with some telework? Can you possibly relocate closer to family or relocate family closer to you (assuming they are willing to help)? I think it is very very hard and soul crushing for 2 commuting working parents with normal schedules that does not outsource anything. It is just too much.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never leave the house with the dryer on.

then start the dryer when you get home.

If you love mildew scented clothes!

Then, start a load when you get home. Put it in the dryer at dinner time. Fold it and put it away after dinner. You can still manage to do ONE load a day. Use your critical thinking skills. This isn’t rocket science.

We get home and are making dinner, cleaning kitchen, helping kids with homework. And sometimes finishing work.

[Anonymous]

It's hard sometimes. Having a lot of money helps. These days it's not even easy to live an hour from work with one income unless it's a very high income. An hour from DC is not that far given transit and traffic!

For those of us without a lot of money or telework, yeah, it's a grind. It does get easier as your kids get older and they can help clean up their own messes or entertain themselves with a book or friends. I've suddenly found myself with free time to read again since my youngest hit kindergarten and is more independent.

And for some of it, you can just do less. My garden is pretty pathetic and we sometimes put off yard work a little too long. I've refused to buy more than two laundry baskets (one for kids, one for adults) because I know it just won't get put away if we don't need an empty basket for the next load. The kids still love to have friends over even though our house is much smaller than most of their friends'; their friends in apartments like being invited but never reciprocate and I'm happy to host.

But yeah, some weeks are still an absolute grind. The worst are weeks you have to work late or have evening meetings. My kids aren't interested in a lot of extracurriculars, they still value free play very very highly, but I think that shift will be tough too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never leave the house with the dryer on.

then start the dryer when you get home.

If you love mildew scented clothes!

Then, start a load when you get home. Put it in the dryer at dinner time. Fold it and put it away after dinner. You can still manage to do ONE load a day. Use your critical thinking skills. This isn’t rocket science.

We get home and are making dinner, cleaning kitchen, helping kids with homework. And sometimes finishing work.

Then, add in a load to the nightly chores. It is a simple task. The time sink for laundry is when it is in the machine. You are still thinking about how much laundry takes you in the weekend. That’s 7 loads (according to the OP). This is ONE load. Kids can pick up this task at a young age - that works too.

Get home, go to the bathroom. Put a load in the wash. Get kids settled with whatever they do before dinner. Start dinner. After dinner, when one of you is cleaning up the dishes, the other swaps clothes from washer to dryer. Then, fold later in the evening when it is done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never leave the house with the dryer on.

then start the dryer when you get home.

If you love mildew scented clothes!

Then, start a load when you get home. Put it in the dryer at dinner time. Fold it and put it away after dinner. You can still manage to do ONE load a day. Use your critical thinking skills. This isn’t rocket science.

We get home and are making dinner, cleaning kitchen, helping kids with homework. And sometimes finishing work.

Get home, go to the bathroom. Put a load in the wash. Get kids settled with whatever they do before dinner. Start dinner. After dinner, when one of you is cleaning up the dishes, the other swaps clothes from washer to dryer. Then, fold later in the evening when it is done.

Yup, huge help to not be doing laundry all weekend. One grownup makes dinner, the other takes the kids to do laundry. Also helps get any recently stained clothes straight to the wash.

Laundry moves over after dinner, and washing machine is done running before bath time (old house w limited hot water).

Really tho, we have much more breathing space as the older is in K now. Both kids usually sleep through the night, there are no more diapers, everyone eats the same thing for dinner etc.

But it only takes one round of gastro or flu to feel like we are gonna be behind forever. Both kids are bad sleepers for a week or so after being sick.

[Anonymous]

Some of my favorite memories with my daughter is going to the laundromat on Saturday. We’d bring popcorn and books and cards. I was actually kind of sad when we moved into an apartment building when she was 12 or so.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t know how old your kids are but they need to be helping with household chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

The things that helped us during those younger children years:

Prioritizing sleep- getting enough sleep made us more efficient and less tired.
Getting an every other week cleaning lady
Doing laundry one load at a time throughout the week
Double or triple batch cooking on the weekend, we also cooked enough to bring in leftovers for lunch

Its was still a slog, but it was much more manageable when we did those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

The things that helped us during those younger children years:

Prioritizing sleep- getting enough sleep made us more efficient and less tired.
Getting an every other week cleaning lady
Doing laundry one load at a time throughout the week
Double or triple batch cooking on the weekend, we also cooked enough to bring in leftovers for lunch

Its was still a slog, but it was much more manageable when we did those things.

We cook from scratch every night. We dont eat casseroles or things that keep well for 2-3 days nor pack well for lunch. Plus my spouse and one daughter is a vegetarian which complicates meal planning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

The things that helped us during those younger children years:

Prioritizing sleep- getting enough sleep made us more efficient and less tired.
Getting an every other week cleaning lady
Doing laundry one load at a time throughout the week
Double or triple batch cooking on the weekend, we also cooked enough to bring in leftovers for lunch

Its was still a slog, but it was much more manageable when we did those things.

We cook from scratch every night. We dont eat casseroles or things that keep well for 2-3 days nor pack well for lunch. Plus my spouse and one daughter is a vegetarian which complicates meal planning.

No soups, chilis or stews? No dals or lentil salads that can last a few days? No extra chicken that can be used for casadillas ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

The things that helped us during those younger children years:

Prioritizing sleep- getting enough sleep made us more efficient and less tired.
Getting an every other week cleaning lady
Doing laundry one load at a time throughout the week
Double or triple batch cooking on the weekend, we also cooked enough to bring in leftovers for lunch

Its was still a slog, but it was much more manageable when we did those things.

We cook from scratch every night. We dont eat casseroles or things that keep well for 2-3 days nor pack well for lunch. Plus my spouse and one daughter is a vegetarian which complicates meal planning.

What kind of things do you cook from scratch every night?

[Anonymous]

You are making it too hard if you cook from scratch every night. My mom made hamburger helper when I was a kid. She made Spam, not a great cook, but efficient! So I figured out that wouldn't work for me, so I figured out how to meal prep. Usually make large meals and freeze, so pull out in am to refrigerate to defrost or defrost and reheat at night. My kids did their own laundry and changed washed their sheets. House has been a mess since COVID. You need to figure out where your time is wasted and reduce that. Where can you get time for yourself so you aren't constantly burned out and make that a priority. It is hard right now, let things go where you can. Wash laundry on weekends between kids activities or your activities. Maybe drop some activities so you aren't rushing between things. if

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!


I thought it was fabulous and amazing to be a WOHM, and SAHMs were a waste of space!!

I thought - SAHMs provided zero value when - house was clean, laundry done, meals cooked, grocery bought, cars serviced, house organized, bills paid, drycleaning picked, social engagements met, entertaining done, kids school and ECs nailed, eldercare sorted, petcare done, yardwork sorted, haircuts scheduled, wellness checkups done, dental and eye exams done, home remodeling/improvement thoughtfully done.

Oh dear! What happened?? Why has life become so shitty???

Wow, scrapping the barrel there.

lol that one and “paying bills”. Sahm always list this as an important task and really how long does this take?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

The things that helped us during those younger children years:

Prioritizing sleep- getting enough sleep made us more efficient and less tired.
Getting an every other week cleaning lady
Doing laundry one load at a time throughout the week
Double or triple batch cooking on the weekend, we also cooked enough to bring in leftovers for lunch

Its was still a slog, but it was much more manageable when we did those things.

We cook from scratch every night. We dont eat casseroles or things that keep well for 2-3 days nor pack well for lunch. Plus my spouse and one daughter is a vegetarian which complicates meal planning.

Hilarious you think casseroles are the only thing that will “keep”.

Batch cook and use your freezer. Buy those one cup silicone freezer molds. Make a giant pot of pasta sauce and freeze in one cup blocks. Does your family eat chili? That also freezes well.

Roasted potatoes and sweet potatoes also freeze really well and can be heated up in an air fryer in 7 minutes.

Get creative with your meal planning. Make a double portion of protein Monday. Eat it with a side of roasted potatoes and some kind of vegetable. Tuesday can be rice/other grain depending on preference bowls with the same protein. Get a rice cooker. That night while you’re prepping dinner make a big pot of pasta. Wednesday will be pasta night, using your delicious frozen premade sauce.