Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My dad is second gen Italian, but he’s very traditional and believes cooking isn’t for men, so he’s decided not to cook. I clean more as a favour than as a need.

Hes clearly not that traditional if he's mowed through four wives.

*plowed through four wives.

Apparently also not rich or generous enough to keep them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My dad is second gen Italian, but he’s very traditional and believes cooking isn’t for men, so he’s decided not to cook. I clean more as a favour than as a need.

In the Godfather the men do cook!

[Anonymous]

I think this is entirely invented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My dad is second gen Italian, but he’s very traditional and believes cooking isn’t for men, so he’s decided not to cook. I clean more as a favour than as a need.

In the Godfather the men do cook!

Italian men think they are better at everything, and they're usually right. This includes cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My dad is second gen Italian, but he’s very traditional and believes cooking isn’t for men, so he’s decided not to cook. I clean more as a favour than as a need.

Hes clearly not that traditional if he's mowed through four wives.

*plowed through four wives.

Apparently also not rich or generous enough to keep them

Eh. Wives have a sell by date. Always look at the label.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your dad doesn't seem to know how to function without a woman. That is a problem. No advice. I suppose you're on the hook until he finds wife number 5.

Excellent point.

5 wives to match OP’s 5 kids. This family
loved 5s.

[Anonymous]

Are you also the OP who asked whether you should continue to babysit your boyfriend's kids?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1315755.page

There's the same outrageous martyrdom going on in both threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the issue isn't really him wanting to be around or have long phone calls, it's that he's using you as a replacement wife. Wildly inappropriate. You need to shut that down yesterday.

+1

[Anonymous]

Tell him to join a church.

[Anonymous]

Can't he come over and hang at your house with the kids? Give him some projects at your house: yard work, car maintenance, house maintenance, gutter cleaning, cooking etc.

[Anonymous]

Maybe if he has to subsist on raw food only he will see the light.

[Anonymous]

Why do I have the feeling that most of OP‘s kids are daughters, which is why she feels fine neglecting them?

I bet if it was five sons would not be doing this. The misogyny runs strong throughout the generations.

[Anonymous]

My grandpa used to come over and do stuff for my single mom like mow the lawn and fix stuff, then stay for dinner. Can he do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One important thing that is rarely acknowledged in the now-cliched boundaries discussion is that healthy boundaries are established bilaterally, that is, together. When boundaries are established unilaterally it is a hostile action.

With that said, it sounds like your dad could be more involved in your life in a way that helps you! If he's a good man, he will relish the chance to do this, to lighten your load, to connect with your kids, to bring over meals, etc.

Please let him know what kind of things would help you. Also talk with him about areas of your lives where you and he need to agree on new boundaries.

What on earth do you mean? Boundaries are about letting other people decide with you what your limits are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have gin help you with the kids (drive them places etc). He needs to be put to good use so to speak. Needs to earn his time with you. Also he should pay for things when spending time with you unless he is poor.

I’m going thru similar expect my father is much older. Believe me, old people are selfish and if you give them a finger they’ll bite off your hand or whatever that saying is.
Not feeling guilty is work in progress as guilt is probably the nature’s mechanism to prevent us from abandoning them.

+1