Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He’s been retired for a year is active, drives, and used to vacation and spend a lot of time doing adventurous outdoor things with his wife, but now that she’s gone he feels lonely and doesn’t want to do the same with friends. I didn’t think of having him spend time mainly at ours, helping out, but that is a good idea, I’d still need to spend some time at his house to help out with his home, but him spending his time mostly at ours is a good idea. And yes I meant two younger brothers and my sister is a year older.

It’s really weird that you’re cleaning his house.

What does your mom think about you being his emotional support animal?

[Anonymous]

Four marriages??!! Wozw

[Anonymous]

You’re a substitute for a 5th wife. Don’t be.

[Anonymous]

Does he live near a Wegman's? They have prepared meals he just stick in the oven. Since he still drives he can pick them up himself or have them delivered. Don't let him become helpless. Hire him a maid service.

[Anonymous]

Let him pick up prepared food. FFS.

But obviously none of us get it. I don’t think you’ve gotten even one post that is aligned with your perspective. Sounds like you ended up answering your own question anyway.

[Anonymous]

Sign him up on some dating sites.

[Anonymous]

I'm stuck on the math. Your dad had you when he was 23, but you somehow have three older siblings? What are their ages? All the same mother? Did he have any other kids with his other wives?

[Anonymous]

The math has me stumped too. I'm late 50s and married for the 2nd time to a 62-yr-old man. He's the primary cook for the two of us. We pay to have someone clean every two weeks, and in between we sort of tidy up. We do our laundry together. When I met him a few years ago he was living in a 2-bedroom and he had it nicely organized, clean, and decorated. He was also still working fulltime, like I am. It just isn't adding up that someone in my general age group could be so old school. That's how my own father is, and he's a few years away from 90.

My advice is to work with him to create a more sustainable lifestyle for him. I would recommend getting a 2X month deep clean (4-8 hours of work) that he pays for. You can spend a few months trying out different providers. You do all the work to find and vet them.

Set up a food plan for him. Create 2-3 breakfast menus that he enjoys but that don't require much more than opening a box and pouring food into a plate/bowl. Buy a Keurig and stock up on teas and coffees. Or go with the Nespresso, which I think has all the sugar and cream and flavors mixed in already. You can decide on 10-12 different meals that are pre-made/microwaveable but from a local store (like Wegman's) and set up a grocery delivery every week with a rotation of these meals. Decide on at least 2 nights at week when he will join your family for dinner, and that takes care of two of the dinners. Add in some fun things like a pint of ice cream and some fresh berries (pre-sliced!) to the grocery delivery order. YOU will need to set all of this up and probably place the order for him and deal with problems that arise (him being out of town, the delivery person forgot something, etc...).

Set up 3 hampers for him. Buy BIG hampers. One for casual clothing. One for dress clothing that needs drycleaning. One for household things like towels and bedsheets. (Have the cleaners change the bedsheets every other week. I know they should be changed weekly, but that' just life.) Then find/set up a laundry service that will pick up dirties and return folded, clean clothes.

Figure out if there's a club he likes. VFW? Pickleball teams? Pool or darts? And then get him on a schedule of doing that activity at least once a week. Between that and dining with your family, he will have some structure in his life and something to look foward to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him pick up prepared food. FFS.

But obviously none of us get it. I don’t think you’ve gotten even one post that is aligned with your perspective. Sounds like you ended up answering your own question anyway.

Listen to this, OP. Do you know how rare complete consensus is on DCUM? Like a needle in a haystack.

[Anonymous]

So you are busy with t kids, and this idiot needs you to tell him to help out when he is lonely?

I come from a culture where men are generally lazy at home, but this is rich OP.