SAHM with a second on the way. Need more help!

[Anonymous]

People are such aholes, OP.

I was a (relatively) wealthy SAHM and having help was essential to making it appealing. There’s no prize for being a mommy martyr.

I think the main thing is have the nanny leave the house with the toddler. It’s going to be hard to get time for yourself for a while, even with help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think people are intentionally being mean. But OP comes off as wealthy and a bit spoiled and most traditional SAHMs cannot relate. Many of us stayed home and had zero help on a regular basis so cannot relate to someone who already has a nanny for one child and is looking for more outsourcing as she adds a second.

Other than having someone occasionally help with the house work and covering for a medical appt, I don’t know why as a SAHM I would need so much assistance with my kids. But like the PPs, when I SAH when our kids were little they were my full time job and I was ok with that.

Because I want to have a life outside of medical appointments? We have worked hard to make a good life for our family, and that includes me, and that means having more leisure/personal time than just medical appointments even if I don’t “need” it to survive.

As a SAHM, I also need some adult pursuits. Volunteer projects, hobbies. Something besides kids 24/7. That means I need childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think people are intentionally being mean. But OP comes off as wealthy and a bit spoiled and most traditional SAHMs cannot relate. Many of us stayed home and had zero help on a regular basis so cannot relate to someone who already has a nanny for one child and is looking for more outsourcing as she adds a second.

Other than having someone occasionally help with the house work and covering for a medical appt, I don’t know why as a SAHM I would need so much assistance with my kids. But like the PPs, when I SAH when our kids were little they were my full time job and I was ok with that.

Because I want to have a life outside of medical appointments? We have worked hard to make a good life for our family, and that includes me, and that means having more leisure/personal time than just medical appointments even if I don’t “need” it to survive.

As a SAHM, I also need some adult pursuits. Volunteer projects, hobbies. Something besides kids 24/7. That means I need childcare.

Hi, yes this is OP, I fully agree. Because these people are apparently mommy martyrs, we should be too 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are such aholes, OP.

I was a (relatively) wealthy SAHM and having help was essential to making it appealing. There’s no prize for being a mommy martyr.

I think the main thing is have the nanny leave the house with the toddler. It’s going to be hard to get time for yourself for a while, even with help.

Thank you! Exactly!

[Anonymous]

I’m a single mom who had no help. Three adults for two kids is overkill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another SAHM with zero help also thinks it odd that you already have help with one (most SAHMs don't have amy), and need more help for a second. You can nurse the baby while reading bedtime stories to the toddler, but the baby in a bouncy seat on the floor of the bathroom while giving toddler a bath, in the bouncy seat or napping while making dinner, etc

What do you think you will actually need help with when the baby comes?

The extra help would be during the postpartum (about 6-8 weeks). I’m thinking I would need help with food prep, laundry, and cleaning.

Are you a single parent? Why can't your partner do food prep, laundry and cleaning?

Not a single parent but my husband travels a lot for work.

He's not taking paternity leave? You don't have a mother or sister or friend who can come help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think people are intentionally being mean. But OP comes off as wealthy and a bit spoiled and most traditional SAHMs cannot relate. Many of us stayed home and had zero help on a regular basis so cannot relate to someone who already has a nanny for one child and is looking for more outsourcing as she adds a second.

Other than having someone occasionally help with the house work and covering for a medical appt, I don’t know why as a SAHM I would need so much assistance with my kids. But like the PPs, when I SAH when our kids were little they were my full time job and I was ok with that.

Because I want to have a life outside of medical appointments? We have worked hard to make a good life for our family, and that includes me, and that means having more leisure/personal time than just medical appointments even if I don’t “need” it to survive.

As a SAHM, I also need some adult pursuits. Volunteer projects, hobbies. Something besides kids 24/7. That means I need childcare.

NP - if i'm being truly honest with myself I'm actually a little jealous. would love to have free time for "adult pursuits"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think people are intentionally being mean. But OP comes off as wealthy and a bit spoiled and most traditional SAHMs cannot relate. Many of us stayed home and had zero help on a regular basis so cannot relate to someone who already has a nanny for one child and is looking for more outsourcing as she adds a second.

Other than having someone occasionally help with the house work and covering for a medical appt, I don’t know why as a SAHM I would need so much assistance with my kids. But like the PPs, when I SAH when our kids were little they were my full time job and I was ok with that.

Because I want to have a life outside of medical appointments? We have worked hard to make a good life for our family, and that includes me, and that means having more leisure/personal time than just medical appointments even if I don’t “need” it to survive.

As a SAHM, I also need some adult pursuits. Volunteer projects, hobbies. Something besides kids 24/7. That means I need childcare.

Hi, yes this is OP, I fully agree. Because these people are apparently mommy martyrs, we should be too 😆

On the contrary, I don’t think people are being martyrs. They’re just highlighting the difference between many SAHMs and wealthy ones, which you seem to be. More power to you. Many people just don’t have those same options. What you’re asking is what do wealthy SAHMSs do vs what do SAHMs do for added help.

[Anonymous]

Can your husband reduce his hours? It seems he is missing out on family time and you are struggling.

While you can always throw money at the problem, this seems like there is a lack of balance. Your husband is probably miserable too not getting really any time at home with his family. Is he open to other jobs or why is he working such long hours?

[Anonymous]

I would just put them in daycare.

[Anonymous]

You need more help? Why?

I had four kids ages 5, 3, 21mo, & a newborn and didn’t need any help. I had my fifth when my eldest was 8, and still didn’t need any help, and I was working too.

[Anonymous]

My husband took 2 days off. Barely remembered to pick me up from the hospital. Some of us had no help. And he is doctor.

[Anonymous]

It’s a little odd to hire staff so you can do hobbies when you have a newborn and a toddler. But in any event, if as you said earlier what you want really is help with laundry, cleaning, cooking in the evenings, why not try laundry service, house cleaner (or pay them extra to add on laundry) and a meal delivery service - tons of options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can your husband reduce his hours? It seems he is missing out on family time and you are struggling.

While you can always throw money at the problem, this seems like there is a lack of balance. Your husband is probably miserable too not getting really any time at home with his family. Is he open to other jobs or why is he working such long hours?

Not for a little while. There’s lots going on with his company. He’s an executive at a public company and things have been hectic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need more help? Why?

I had four kids ages 5, 3, 21mo, & a newborn and didn’t need any help. I had my fifth when my eldest was 8, and still didn’t need any help, and I was working too.

How is that even possible? What attention were you giving your kids with working and taking care of four kids. I swear some of you exaggerate too much.