We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss

[Anonymous]

Well, it’s too late now, so what can you do?

Take the money you would’ve spent on an Ivy League education and give it to him as a down payment on $1 million home.

Now he’s gonna graduate with no debt a great job and a down payment for our house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thoughts:

-I'm going to be frank and say that top20s and even UVA are just as hard admits from the DMV as the Ivies are. The only kids getting into UVA from our private are also getting Ivy admits.

-I regret all the time spent playing sports. All those weekends that we could have been spending more time together as a family (yes, we did drive to games but it's not the same). All that money wasted. That is my one parenting regret.

Don't totally disagree but what would you have been doing instead? Sitting home solving math problems and learning a fourth language isn't a good answer.

I agree that the hard core travel sports can be a bit much, especially when your kid is the worst on the team. But my kids spent tons of time playing rec sports and it was great. They enjoyed it. They made friends. We made friends. They learned a lot about teamwork, socializing, winning, losing. Skills that translate to college and the workplace. Core capabilities that Tiger parents don't appreciate or value. It provided some structure and routine for our lives. But it also didn't take over our lives.

Shame on you for your ignorance and racial implication regarding a certain group. Pushy parents of every ethnicity exist in every discipline, team sports included. Also core values like you mention can be developed outside of sports, in robotics teams, youth orchestras and chamber music, etc.

You need to bleach the bolded sentence out of your brain, PP. It's untrue at every level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP screams ChatGPT.

OP also screams troll. Please try better next time, OP. If this is a true story, I could have told you your kid would never be at an Ivy based on the way you wrote your post alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My thoughts:

-I'm going to be frank and say that top20s and even UVA are just as hard admits from the DMV as the Ivies are. The only kids getting into UVA from our private are also getting Ivy admits.

-I regret all the time spent playing sports. All those weekends that we could have been spending more time together as a family (yes, we did drive to games but it's not the same). All that money wasted. That is my one parenting regret.

Although DC is not recruitable and it doesn't help college application at all, we would probably do it again. Team sports shaped who DC is as person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thoughts:

-I'm going to be frank and say that top20s and even UVA are just as hard admits from the DMV as the Ivies are. The only kids getting into UVA from our private are also getting Ivy admits.

-I regret all the time spent playing sports. All those weekends that we could have been spending more time together as a family (yes, we did drive to games but it's not the same). All that money wasted. That is my one parenting regret.

Don't totally disagree but what would you have been doing instead? Sitting home solving math problems and learning a fourth language isn't a good answer.

I agree that the hard core travel sports can be a bit much, especially when your kid is the worst on the team. But my kids spent tons of time playing rec sports and it was great. They enjoyed it. They made friends. We made friends. They learned a lot about teamwork, socializing, winning, losing. Skills that translate to college and the workplace. Core capabilities that Tiger parents don't appreciate or value. It provided some structure and routine for our lives. But it also didn't take over our lives.

Shame on you for your ignorance and racial implication regarding a certain group. Pushy parents of every ethnicity exist in every discipline, team sports included. Also core values like you mention can be developed outside of sports, in robotics teams, youth orchestras and chamber music, etc.

You need to bleach the bolded sentence out of your brain, PP. It's untrue at every level.

Stop jumping to conclusions. I know many white Tiger parents. I'm Jewish and the quintessential Tiger parents I am referring to are fellow Jews. So shame on you. And no, robotics and orchestra are not the same. Sorry. My kids do both. Each has a lot of value. But the denial of the value of sports is setting your kid up to fail. But you can just call me a lazy "mediocre" American and continue to complain about why the system doesn't work for you. The system is what it is. Adapt or stop whining. My kids play sports with countless wonderful kids from a huge diversity of backgrounds and ability levels who are open-minded people.

[Anonymous]

This is a weird post. And seems fake?

I have 2 kids. Both private K-12. Did not gun for Ivy at all.

Frankly, they had slow to develop academic interests in middle school, and when they did develop, they were out of left field and kind of strange. We let them go deep - weird hobbies and interests that neither parent knew anything about. Both were involved in their HS in various (and different) capacities. Including leadership. But a lot of their interests were outside of school.

Oldest only got a 34 on ACT by super scoring and refused test prep (watched YouTube videos for tests each night before the exam and took the test 3 times, each time focused on a different section). Didn't want to sit through and practice the test bc thought DC thought it was a waste of time when DC could be tinkering with their "true interests".

Second kid bombed the math section of the test, though perfect on English. Humanities major. Both kids who frankly don't seem like the poster children for "top schools".

Oldest at Ivy. Younger at private T20. Both got in during RD.

We were SHOCKED. It's not about grooming them from birth. Let their interests develop organically. Nurture the weird and unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

Major? Schools applying to? Switch one to an ED2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rice, Tufts, Duke, Northwestern, UCLA, Carnegie Mellon, NYU, LACs …. Soooooo many options aside from state school

Lol. Give me a break. You do realize UMich, Georgia Tech, UT-Austin, UVA, UNC, UC Berkely, et al are all state schools right? These are some of the top research Universities in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rice, Tufts, Duke, Northwestern, UCLA, Carnegie Mellon, NYU, LACs …. Soooooo many options aside from state school

Lol. Give me a break. You do realize UMich, Georgia Tech, UT-Austin, UVA, UNC, UC Berkely, et al are all state schools right? These are some of the top research Universities in the world.

I don't think they are disagreeing. They are just saying that the OP is being somewhat limiting in saying they can "only" consider state schools as there are many others beyond that. Plus some kids don't want big schools and state schools are generally (but not always) big. The OP is just creating excuses to complain.

[Anonymous]

This thread is so weird it's out of touch with the real world.

Kids from our private schools go to various colleges, ivy, non-ivy, some even go to community colleges. They all got a great education here. Even tiger parents know that ivy is not and should not be the only goal in life.

The ivy lane is also so crowded with hooks. Our top unhooked kids usually don't even ED ivy schools. They will happily go to an ivy plus like MIT or Stanford. Some will prefer top 10 SLACs.

In terms of education quality, ivy is not necessarily better than non-ivy T20s. Particularly in large ivies like Cornell. Quite often there are kids who chose an non-ivy over an ivy at our school.

It's crazy to think there are only two options. That is such a narrow-minded take. OP, I seriously worried about your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rice, Tufts, Duke, Northwestern, UCLA, Carnegie Mellon, NYU, LACs …. Soooooo many options aside from state school

Mad me laugh. Thank you.

Good post !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thoughts:

-I'm going to be frank and say that top20s and even UVA are just as hard admits from the DMV as the Ivies are. The only kids getting into UVA from our private are also getting Ivy admits.

-I regret all the time spent playing sports. All those weekends that we could have been spending more time together as a family (yes, we did drive to games but it's not the same). All that money wasted. That is my one parenting regret.

Don't totally disagree but what would you have been doing instead? Sitting home solving math problems and learning a fourth language isn't a good answer.

I agree that the hard core travel sports can be a bit much, especially when your kid is the worst on the team. But my kids spent tons of time playing rec sports and it was great. They enjoyed it. They made friends. We made friends. They learned a lot about teamwork, socializing, winning, losing. Skills that translate to college and the workplace. Core capabilities that Tiger parents don't appreciate or value. It provided some structure and routine for our lives. But it also didn't take over our lives.

Shame on you for your ignorance and racial implication regarding a certain group. Pushy parents of every ethnicity exist in every discipline, team sports included. Also core values like you mention can be developed outside of sports, in robotics teams, youth orchestras and chamber music, etc.

You need to bleach the bolded sentence out of your brain, PP. It's untrue at every level.

Stop jumping to conclusions. I know many white Tiger parents. I'm Jewish and the quintessential Tiger parents I am referring to are fellow Jews. So shame on you. And no, robotics and orchestra are not the same. Sorry. My kids do both. Each has a lot of value. But the denial of the value of sports is setting your kid up to fail. But you can just call me a lazy "mediocre" American and continue to complain about why the system doesn't work for you. The system is what it is. Adapt or stop whining. My kids play sports with countless wonderful kids from a huge diversity of backgrounds and ability levels who are open-minded people.

You continue to be hateful. You continue to make wrong assumptions Stop it. No one said you were lazy or anything (and I don't care that you're Jewish or American). But you really need to accept that any activity, taken with rigor and to the top level, will teach all the core values. Perhaps your children did competitive sports and less competitive or less rigorous non-sport activities. I am here to tell you that my kids did the opposite, which meant that their team building, work ethic, etc, developed in their intensive activity, and not the non-intense sports one. They are young adults and high schoolers. We can see the outcomes already.

I don't like posters such as you who are so convinced they are right when they haven't actually had enough experience to know what they're talking about. Sports is not the be-all, end-all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so weird it's out of touch with the real world.

Kids from our private schools go to various colleges, ivy, non-ivy, some even go to community colleges. They all got a great education here. Even tiger parents know that ivy is not and should not be the only goal in life.

The ivy lane is also so crowded with hooks. Our top unhooked kids usually don't even ED ivy schools. They will happily go to an ivy plus like MIT or Stanford. Some will prefer top 10 SLACs.

In terms of education quality, ivy is not necessarily better than non-ivy T20s. Particularly in large ivies like Cornell. Quite often there are kids who chose an non-ivy over an ivy at our school.

It's crazy to think there are only two options. That is such a narrow-minded take. OP, I seriously worried about your kid.

Agree with the bolded portions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a weird post. And seems fake?

I have 2 kids. Both private K-12. Did not gun for Ivy at all.

Frankly, they had slow to develop academic interests in middle school, and when they did develop, they were out of left field and kind of strange. We let them go deep - weird hobbies and interests that neither parent knew anything about. Both were involved in their HS in various (and different) capacities. Including leadership. But a lot of their interests were outside of school.

Oldest only got a 34 on ACT by super scoring and refused test prep (watched YouTube videos for tests each night before the exam and took the test 3 times, each time focused on a different section). Didn't want to sit through and practice the test bc thought DC thought it was a waste of time when DC could be tinkering with their "true interests".

Second kid bombed the math section of the test, though perfect on English. Humanities major. Both kids who frankly don't seem like the poster children for "top schools".

Oldest at Ivy. Younger at private T20. Both got in during RD.

We were SHOCKED. It's not about grooming them from birth. Let their interests develop organically. Nurture the weird and unusual.

You must have been both horrified and demoralized by that ACT score. Do you permit him to still use your last name ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.

OP here, I just want to warn others.

Away from what, exactly? If kid has great options, what is being warned against?

Gunning for an ivy is not a good strategy for happiness or fulfillment.

The problem is your ivy or state approach. Normally when you couldn’t get in an ivy, there are plenty of great options like T20 schools.

But wouldn't you agree that it's still better than putting the kid up for adoption ?