Dating with driving kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids will not be driving in high school. Problem solved.

So if they get a ride from a friend and walk in on OP, that's no problem because they didn't drive there?

😂

[Anonymous]

I’d have my adult sleepovers, but when there’s sexual activity going on, it’s in the bedroom, behind a locked door. If you’re not behind a locked door, everything should be PG and not awkward for your kids to witness.

[Anonymous]

So if they did call and ask, would you every say "No, it's not a good time, you may not enter"? Or are you really just asking for like 30 minutes notice to put your clothes back on or send your boyfriend away? Really think about this. Does the reason matter-- like did they forget some homework vs. just want to grab a snack? Would you turn them away at the door if they forgot to call?

Personally I would not restrict them. It's not worth hurting them after they've already been through a divorce and the loss of home that that involves.
Get a hotel or go to your boyfriend's house. You only have a few years to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having a BF is one thing. “Dating” and having various guys over to screw and spend the night is another. I don’t blame OP for seeking guidance on this.

+1.

OP may not want to introduce every guy she sleeps with to her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if they did call and ask, would you every say "No, it's not a good time, you may not enter"? Or are you really just asking for like 30 minutes notice to put your clothes back on or send your boyfriend away? Really think about this. Does the reason matter-- like did they forget some homework vs. just want to grab a snack? Would you turn them away at the door if they forgot to call?

Personally I would not restrict them. It's not worth hurting them after they've already been through a divorce and the loss of home that that involves.
Get a hotel or go to your boyfriend's house. You only have a few years to go.

Or just don't sneak around like a child in your own home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Take it to a therapist instead of projecting it onto a thread that's not. about. you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a BF is one thing. “Dating” and having various guys over to screw and spend the night is another. I don’t blame OP for seeking guidance on this.

+1.

OP may not want to introduce every guy she sleeps with to her kids.

The odds of the kids coming home unannounced and meeting even one guy are slim-to-none.

[Anonymous]

Your home is your child's home, at any and all times, just like if you were married or widowed. If you are not comfortable with them walking in on you having sex, don't have sex in their home. Most people would only be comfortable with their spouse, the child's other parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Take it to a therapist instead of projecting it onto a thread that's not. about. you.

This is exactly what it's about, because my mom was doing exactly what OP plans to do, and what happened was exactly what OP says she is concerned about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your home is your child's home, at any and all times, just like if you were married or widowed. If you are not comfortable with them walking in on you having sex, don't have sex in their home. Most people would only be comfortable with their spouse, the child's other parent.

There is NOTHING wrong with a divorced parent having sex in her own home during non-custodial time. You are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Take it to a therapist instead of projecting it onto a thread that's not. about. you.

This is exactly what it's about, because my mom was doing exactly what OP plans to do, and what happened was exactly what OP says she is concerned about.

Your reaction to hearing your mom's BF through the closed door is not normal and you should have gotten therapy years ago instead of projecting it here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your home is your child's home, at any and all times, just like if you were married or widowed. If you are not comfortable with them walking in on you having sex, don't have sex in their home. Most people would only be comfortable with their spouse, the child's other parent.

There is NOTHING wrong with a divorced parent having sex in her own home during non-custodial time. You are insane.

DCUM would live in a fake, separate-bedroom, seething-with-contempt marriage for 10+ years and pretend it's "healthy" for the children, because everyone is under one roof. Don't take these people seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Take it to a therapist instead of projecting it onto a thread that's not. about. you.

This is exactly what it's about, because my mom was doing exactly what OP plans to do, and what happened was exactly what OP says she is concerned about.

Posters on this site will never listen to adults telling them the effects of the choices they're making on their kids. They want to do what they want and the consequences for children be damned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Take it to a therapist instead of projecting it onto a thread that's not. about. you.

This is exactly what it's about, because my mom was doing exactly what OP plans to do, and what happened was exactly what OP says she is concerned about.

Your reaction to hearing your mom's BF through the closed door is not normal and you should have gotten therapy years ago instead of projecting it here.

Not closed. Locked.

As it happens I did have therapy, but there's no therapy that makes kids feel okay about being locked out of what's supposed to be their home. Surprised? My mom sure was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?