2 feds divorcing in MoCo with young kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t want to raise my kids in an apartment or condo. When it’s a baby, fine, once they get to elementary school no way.

House or townhouse only.

That's not going to happen on a single income with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So weird to me that people think living together in open marriage is ‘better’ for anyone

Why? If they get along it could be a great solution.

Statements like this are always made by people who know no one in these situations or covet them for themselves. Open marriages don’t work with kids, the end. When they’re launched? Do whatever the hell you want. Otherwise just get divorced and date like a sane person. Ugh, I hate the “I can have it all!” people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So weird to me that people think living together in open marriage is ‘better’ for anyone

Why? If they get along it could be a great solution.

Statements like this are always made by people who know no one in these situations or covet them for themselves. Open marriages don’t work with kids, the end. When they’re launched? Do whatever the hell you want. Otherwise just get divorced and date like a sane person. Ugh, I hate the “I can have it all!” people.

Not that PP but I am divorced. An open marriage absolutely would have worked. Kids don't need to have any exposure to dating life. In fact, I think it would be best to do it that way but rarely people agree on this. If both people did, it would be an ideal situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So weird to me that people think living together in open marriage is ‘better’ for anyone

Why? If they get along it could be a great solution.

Statements like this are always made by people who know no one in these situations or covet them for themselves. Open marriages don’t work with kids, the end. When they’re launched? Do whatever the hell you want. Otherwise just get divorced and date like a sane person. Ugh, I hate the “I can have it all!” people.

Not that PP but I am divorced. An open marriage absolutely would have worked. Kids don't need to have any exposure to dating life. In fact, I think it would be best to do it that way but rarely people agree on this. If both people did, it would be an ideal situation.

Both parents or one having affairs is not healthy for anyone especially the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So weird to me that people think living together in open marriage is ‘better’ for anyone

Why? If they get along it could be a great solution.

Statements like this are always made by people who know no one in these situations or covet them for themselves. Open marriages don’t work with kids, the end. When they’re launched? Do whatever the hell you want. Otherwise just get divorced and date like a sane person. Ugh, I hate the “I can have it all!” people.

Not that PP but I am divorced. An open marriage absolutely would have worked. Kids don't need to have any exposure to dating life. In fact, I think it would be best to do it that way but rarely people agree on this. If both people did, it would be an ideal situation.

So in your post-divorce life, have you dated with teens in the house (or do you live with teens)? Now double that if your H was doing it too. Now keep that behavior hidden from the kids (both of you), since they need “no exposure” to your dating life. Or don’t keep it hidden, and talk to the kids about how mom and dad have boyfriends and girlfriends. Be sure to check their phones for how that news goes over with their friends on the group chat.

People who share a household don’t live their lives in a vacuum and trying to engage in these artificially created adult relationships while raising these kids really doesn’t work. It isn’t a morality stance. It creates an unstable and confusing and frankly weird household for kids who are just trying to make their way through adolescence.

Again, enjoy wading into that world when the kids are launched. But the adults who don’t understand what the priorities are really do their families a disservice. I watched a family try this. The parents were incredibly self-satisfied about their evolved choices while the kids were imploding.

[Anonymous]

If op has to ask this question then she is not too bright herself and blaming everything on her husband

[Anonymous]

I mean, it depends on the fed GS level.

But obviously, your DH is choosing to hugely decrease your kids standard of living for his own midlife happiness crisis.

He should get a studio apartment and that could afford a larger apartment or townhouse rental for the kids actual home with you.

[Anonymous]

Germantown or Damascus will be your best options if you have to stay in MoCo, and are insisting on owning.

https://www.redfin.com/MD/Germantown/19932-Dunstable-Cir-20876/unit-202/home/10863099

https://www.redfin.com/MD/Damascus/25159-Tralee-Ct-20872/unit-G4/home/10940308

[Anonymous]

Young kids make it really hard financially - for everyone - not just you as you go through divorce.
I might recommend 1 person moving to an apartment in DC to get free PreSchool for a few years - since someone is going to move anyway.

This opens up a few thousand a month of cash flow.

[Anonymous]

There are less expensive parts of Rockville, Silver Spring, and Takoma Park where you're neighbors will be a mix of blue collar workers, retirees, and white collar workers with low incomes. There are also nice parts of PG and Howard counties.

There's a reason why a lot seemingly rational people decide to move from DC to places like Indiana, Arkansas, South Dakota, etc. DC is more expensive than most of America, especially if you want a nice big house in a pretty neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Rent or mortgage is lower in some neighborhoods but groceries, gas, life insurance, etc. will still be significant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So weird to me that people think living together in open marriage is ‘better’ for anyone

Why? If they get along it could be a great solution.

Statements like this are always made by people who know no one in these situations or covet them for themselves. Open marriages don’t work with kids, the end. When they’re launched? Do whatever the hell you want. Otherwise just get divorced and date like a sane person. Ugh, I hate the “I can have it all!” people.

Not that PP but I am divorced. An open marriage absolutely would have worked. Kids don't need to have any exposure to dating life. In fact, I think it would be best to do it that way but rarely people agree on this. If both people did, it would be an ideal situation.

Both parents or one having affairs is not healthy for anyone especially the kids.

No one said affair. Adults can have friends. Those friends can be of the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

Can you even get a mortgage when going through a divorce? Renting seems far more practical and reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Rent 1-bedroom apartment with den. This is not a time to buy or to 'deserve a 3-bedroom'.
I left my partner while making $45k take home. My 1-bedroom is $2k and includes all utilities, gym, parking, pool, store, and front desk in lovely NW neighborhood. Rents just went down also.
DC doesn't care where he lives. Loves his school and friends as I stayed in the same neighborhood.
I could easily squeeze two kids in here, but the older one turned 18 and started college.

[Anonymous]

Kids stay in current house. You and spouse split rent on a cheap, nearby studio or 1BR apartment. The two adults take turns shuttling between the two residences, rather than the kids.

If you can be civil and this is a low-conflict dissolution of the marriage, this is the best outcome for kids, parents, and your bank accounts.