2 feds divorcing in MoCo with young kids

[Anonymous]

I keep looking at the numbers and have no idea how either of us can afford to live as single people with kids on a fed salary. Am I right that maintaining two households in MoCo and affording daily life is completely out of reach on federal salaries? Has anyone been through this that can share?

[Anonymous]

Maybe if you find roommates.

Do you get along well enough you could continue to live together while seeing other people?

[Anonymous]

why are you getting divorced? suck it up

[Anonymous]

Two people combined can always afford a better standard of living than 1. But there are many nice condos in great neighborhoods/communities that could work.

[Anonymous]

I mean, you aren’t going to have a SFH.

Apartment living in your future. Lots of people do it. The kids can share a room. It will be the least of their trauma.

[Anonymous]

What is your GS level?

My husband and I are government workers. He’s county, but I’m fed.

I bought them out of the house.

He moved to Frederick in a house.

Are your kids in private school?

[Anonymous]

You'll probably be ok, but he'll end up living in one of the tent cities downtown. Or maybe DOGE made it acceptable to sleep in your office.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how bad the situation is and I’m sorry it’s come to this, but if it’s at all possible, put the brakes on this. If there isn’t violence or emotional abuse, then this reality check should make you both rethink this. It is not going to get easier either. Everything will be more difficult even if you each find new partners. This is a serious and enduring consequence of divorce. Don’t stay if you’re being abused but it sounds like you plan on the kids living with both parents in different homes. Things might be better in a few years when your kids are older but divorce is going to permanently impact your finances. These are the known knowns and the known unknowns.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you need to divorce? Could an open marriage work instead? This isn't going to be pleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why are you getting divorced? suck it up

OP.

My thoughts exactly, but not all decisions are mine to make, unfortunately. My spouse is “just not happy….” We’ll be even less happy when we’re both broke and still have to deal with each other for the next 15+ years. Being the only adult in the marriage sucks.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised more people with kids don’t try to stay together for financial reasons.

Op - have you tried marital counseling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised more people with kids don’t try to stay together for financial reasons.

Op - have you tried marital counseling?

Don't listen to this poster. Marriage counseling sometimes helps when the wife is upset, it just makes things worse when the husband is upset.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is your salary and what is his salary? Where in the do you live? If you are in the house now, then you may be looking at townhouses. How old are your kids and can they share a room? Will you and your soon to be X be able to coparent amicably? I’m assuming your kids go to public school. If not, that might be a change you need to make as well.

You can do this, OP. It’ll require some belt tightening and maybe your financial goals will take longer to reach. But you can do it. One important thing is that you and your husband need to make sure to get places that are near each other if you are going to split custody 50-50. The ideal thing would be that your kids can walk between houses, but I know that might be hard to achieve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know how bad the situation is and I’m sorry it’s come to this, but if it’s at all possible, put the brakes on this. If there isn’t violence or emotional abuse, then this reality check should make you both rethink this. It is not going to get easier either. Everything will be more difficult even if you each find new partners. This is a serious and enduring consequence of divorce. Don’t stay if you’re being abused but it sounds like you plan on the kids living with both parents in different homes. Things might be better in a few years when your kids are older but divorce is going to permanently impact your finances. These are the known knowns and the known unknowns.

Strongly agree with this. Do anything you can to avoid getting divorced. It’s a last resort.

[Anonymous]

Downtiwn Rockville. Two apartments for 350K each. Walkable to schools, library, stores etc.