Waiving child support for primary custody

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has them every weekend and you have them before and after work during the week, you are probably both spending about equal amounts of time with them / actively engaged and parenting. He might even be spending more time with the kids if he has Friday evening and all day Saturday and Sunday and you are spending Mon-Fri before work and Mon to Thurs after work. So forgoing child support makes sense. The time spent with kids is about 50/50 even if the official custody wouldn't be as it uses overnights.

Typical dead beat mentality. Fun weekends are not 50/50. Excluding all dentist, doctor, etc visits is not 50/50.

DP who did this, i don’t care if my ex is a deadbeat, he would be one regardless because he is that way. What I care about is for my child to have a primary residence and one responsible adult supervising his care

If you wanted that, then you shouldn’t have gotten divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

We do far more sports and kid activity on the weekends than during the week. And why are your kids so sick that you are always at the doctor. Doctor appointments aren't even a factor in our lives. And either parent could do a sick day. Weekends are a lot more work than weekdays when she is at work almost the entire day. You are so biased that you are failing to look at the whole picture. She has ever weekend off and you are feeling like she is so hard done by and he has it easy because she might have to do a doctors appointment sometime next year? He doesn't have a single day off, he works 5 days a week and has the kids the weekend. You don't make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has them every weekend and you have them before and after work during the week, you are probably both spending about equal amounts of time with them / actively engaged and parenting. He might even be spending more time with the kids if he has Friday evening and all day Saturday and Sunday and you are spending Mon-Fri before work and Mon to Thurs after work. So forgoing child support makes sense. The time spent with kids is about 50/50 even if the official custody wouldn't be as it uses overnights.

Typical dead beat mentality. Fun weekends are not 50/50. Excluding all dentist, doctor, etc visits is not 50/50.

DP who did this, i don’t care if my ex is a deadbeat, he would be one regardless because he is that way. What I care about is for my child to have a primary residence and one responsible adult supervising his care

Agreed. The kids come first and someone has to step up.

This is not the situation OP has said. OP doesn't want the kids to see their dad, he wants them so she moved away to stop any shared custody. A good judge would force her to move back or provide transportation.

That’s absolutely not what op said. Stop making up sh!t, it’s not cute.

[Anonymous]

Lotta women haters on tonight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:different county - he lives in Vienna (Fairfax county) and I'm in Arlington. Kids attend Arlington schools. Morning/afternoon commute would be an issue for him so I'd hope he would agree to them staying with me in Arlington during the week - that is our current arrangement post-separation. Custody hearing is in Feb.

You moved away. Now you want to take away custody. That's not ok. You should be forced to move back. Or, provide all the transportation back and forth to school on his days.

Where did OP say she moved away? It sounds more like she remained in Arlington with the kids, and he moved to Vienna. Also, she's not taking away custody. They have a post-separation schedule that seems to be working, and she's just asking for it to be continued.

She said this in her last thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:different county - he lives in Vienna (Fairfax county) and I'm in Arlington. Kids attend Arlington schools. Morning/afternoon commute would be an issue for him so I'd hope he would agree to them staying with me in Arlington during the week - that is our current arrangement post-separation. Custody hearing is in Feb.

You moved away. Now you want to take away custody. That's not ok. You should be forced to move back. Or, provide all the transportation back and forth to school on his days.

Where did OP say she moved away? It sounds more like she remained in Arlington with the kids, and he moved to Vienna. Also, she's not taking away custody. They have a post-separation schedule that seems to be working, and she's just asking for it to be continued.

She said this in her last thread.

Her previous post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1299165.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:different county - he lives in Vienna (Fairfax county) and I'm in Arlington. Kids attend Arlington schools. Morning/afternoon commute would be an issue for him so I'd hope he would agree to them staying with me in Arlington during the week - that is our current arrangement post-separation. Custody hearing is in Feb.

Link your post from last week so that people have the full picture of your situation.

+1. IIRC your husband is already trying to screw you over. I don't know why you'd create this opening for him to do so.

Is your attorney up to the task? If not, time to spend your time and energy on new representation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has them every weekend and you have them before and after work during the week, you are probably both spending about equal amounts of time with them / actively engaged and parenting. He might even be spending more time with the kids if he has Friday evening and all day Saturday and Sunday and you are spending Mon-Fri before work and Mon to Thurs after work. So forgoing child support makes sense. The time spent with kids is about 50/50 even if the official custody wouldn't be as it uses overnights.

Typical dead beat mentality. Fun weekends are not 50/50. Excluding all dentist, doctor, etc visits is not 50/50.

DP who did this, i don’t care if my ex is a deadbeat, he would be one regardless because he is that way. What I care about is for my child to have a primary residence and one responsible adult supervising his care

If you wanted that, then you shouldn’t have gotten divorced.

It was my abusive ex who filed.
I hope you are happy now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

We do far more sports and kid activity on the weekends than during the week. And why are your kids so sick that you are always at the doctor. Doctor appointments aren't even a factor in our lives. And either parent could do a sick day. Weekends are a lot more work than weekdays when she is at work almost the entire day. You are so biased that you are failing to look at the whole picture. She has ever weekend off and you are feeling like she is so hard done by and he has it easy because she might have to do a doctors appointment sometime next year? He doesn't have a single day off, he works 5 days a week and has the kids the weekend. You don't make sense.

She could also work with him and say Larla needs a doctor's appointment, can you please take her and if he says yes, either find out when's good for him or have him schedule it. If you have M-F, you cannot complain dad does not do school or doctors. Why would he if you have full custody? This is what you wanted.

[Anonymous]

Create what opening to screw me over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lotta women haters on tonight.

As opposed to the normal man haters?

[Anonymous]

Real question is what is her income/his income and assets. She may be paying him child support if she has the higher income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

[Anonymous]

It is not HER child support to give-up, bargain away. It's for children.