Waiving child support for primary custody

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

I married a dud too so it's hard for me to believe that most or even some men do these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

I married a dud too so it's hard for me to believe that most or even some men do these things.

You don’t understand that your experience isn’t universal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

Its called parenting. You may use uber but some of us actually drive our own kids. How can you not consider that parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

I married a dud too so it's hard for me to believe that most or even some men do these things.

How do you not see men at school events, driving to activities, doctor/dentist/ortho appointments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

Its called parenting. You may use uber but some of us actually drive our own kids. How can you not consider that parenting.

DP. Bringing to the doctor is a parental role. Driving to activities-agree any uber driver/babysitter/nanny can do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

Its called parenting. You may use uber but some of us actually drive our own kids. How can you not consider that parenting.

Driving kids around at a designated time is a TASK. It’s handle by car pools, Ubers, a parent, a nanny, a sitter.

Parenting, on the other hand, is actively managing, coaching, assessing, emotionally supporting, deciding, disciplining, seeking out relevant programs (school, sports, tutors, therapy, doctors), course-correcting the family and child as it relates to their development in their schooling, activities, general health, nutrition, behaviors, friends, mental health, and growth.

Face time will never = Parenting.

Unless there is also active high quality time, parenting and thinking going on at the same time- thinking, conversations, assessing, deciding, action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

It’s called parenting. You may use uber but some of us actually drive our own kids. How can you not consider that parenting.

Omg.

How did you know your kid needed to be somewhere with something!??

How did said kid even get signed up or select or try out for that thing!?!?

Why’d you pick that activity and that program?!? Who picked it and why and how?!

Are you happy with that program? Do you know your options or next steps!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

I married a dud too so it's hard for me to believe that most or even some men do these things.

How do you not see task rabbits at school events, driving to activities, doctor/dentist/ortho appointments?

What’s your point?

The only thing they’re good at is driving around in circles? Then sitting on their phone on a chair or in their vehicle for an hour? Never talk with the other parents or coaches? That’s all pretty low level anything, let alone parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

Its called parenting. You may use uber but some of us actually drive our own kids. How can you not consider that parenting.

Driving kids around at a designated time is a TASK. It’s handle by car pools, Ubers, a parent, a nanny, a sitter.

Parenting, on the other hand, is actively managing, coaching, assessing, emotionally supporting, deciding, disciplining, seeking out relevant programs (school, sports, tutors, therapy, doctors), course-correcting the family and child as it relates to their development in their schooling, activities, general health, nutrition, behaviors, friends, mental health, and growth.

Face time will never = Parenting.

Unless there is also active high quality time, parenting and thinking going on at the same time- thinking, conversations, assessing, deciding, action.

In most families, one parent takes the lead. Its not a reason to take away custody. Dad will figure it out.. However, nannies can do many of those things, especially with young kids when they are with the kids 8-10 hours a day. If mom works full-time, as does dad, she isn't doing any more caretaking than dad during the day. This is an excuse to block dad from custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

It’s called parenting. You may use uber but some of us actually drive our own kids. How can you not consider that parenting.

Omg.

How did you know your kid needed to be somewhere with something!??

How did said kid even get signed up or select or try out for that thing!?!?

Why’d you pick that activity and that program?!? Who picked it and why and how?!

Are you happy with that program? Do you know your options or next steps!?!

In our home, both parents manage everything. We divide and conquer and coordinate with each other to make it work.

We have a shared calendar so we all know each other's schedules. We talk about the activities and one of us does the sign up. We talk about doctors and other appointments and coordinate who will sign up/who will take.

And, with little ones, I or we both picked activities. With teens, they've been in activities for years and if they want new ones, they tell us and often sign up themselves after asking us permission.

Really, it's not that hard. It's called communication. Shared calendar, text, email, talk in person....

OP has a nanny who probably handles most everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

Its called parenting. You may use uber but some of us actually drive our own kids. How can you not consider that parenting.

DP. Bringing to the doctor is a parental role. Driving to activities-agree any uber driver/babysitter/nanny can do that.

For non-specialist appointments, a nanny can bring a child. They often bring kids to therapies, and other things - I see them all the time. OP isn't paying a nanny and then taking off work a few days a week to handle those things. That's why you get a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I definitely would not give up any child support for custody -- that is your kid's money, not yours.

I also would not accept weekday custody only and no weekends. That turns you into the Mom whose time is spent on the chores and obligations and activity carpools and you never get fun, relaxed bonding time with your kids.

Where your husband lives and how it impacts his ability to see his kids is his problem to fix, not yours.

Let him have 50/50 custody and the consequences that go with it. Yes, the distance may impact your kids negatively. Yes, your kids will notice, and it will likely negatively impact their relationship with their Dad. He can move closer if he wants to fix any of that.

But, you can't spend your time and energy and money (or the kids child support money) trying to make him be a good parent.

Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

I married a dud too so it's hard for me to believe that most or even some men do these things.

Also married to a dud whose own children told him that he had to have food stocked in the house that was not diet or frozen meals. The guy has never done a load of laundry for them, bought them any clothes, signed them up to any activities, gone to any school meetings, etc.

I'd like to think he's the only dud out there, but I don't see many men doing these things or showing up at school or activities (unless it's the weekend game and someone told him where to be.)

I am hopeful that our son's generation will do better, and don't imitate their poor male role models.