Waiving child support for primary custody

[Anonymous]

Legally, it's pretty difficult to do this in most states, because the child has the legal right to the money, not you, and it's not in the child's best interest to waive.

However, I know a couple people who did this informally. There's no legal document or enforcement, but dad agreed to let mom have primary custody, and mom doesn't go after him for child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Legally, it's pretty difficult to do this in most states, because the child has the legal right to the money, not you, and it's not in the child's best interest to waive.

However, I know a couple people who did this informally. There's no legal document or enforcement, but dad agreed to let mom have primary custody, and mom doesn't go after him for child support.

I don’t think courts will undo a voluntary agreement where one parent does not seek child support or all the child support they may be entitled to.

[Anonymous]

If you have the high income you may not get it. Don’t take dad away from the kids.

[Anonymous]

If he has them every weekend and you have them before and after work during the week, you are probably both spending about equal amounts of time with them / actively engaged and parenting. He might even be spending more time with the kids if he has Friday evening and all day Saturday and Sunday and you are spending Mon-Fri before work and Mon to Thurs after work. So forgoing child support makes sense. The time spent with kids is about 50/50 even if the official custody wouldn't be as it uses overnights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legally, it's pretty difficult to do this in most states, because the child has the legal right to the money, not you, and it's not in the child's best interest to waive.

However, I know a couple people who did this informally. There's no legal document or enforcement, but dad agreed to let mom have primary custody, and mom doesn't go after him for child support.

I don’t think courts will undo a voluntary agreement where one parent does not seek child support or all the child support they may be entitled to.

They absolutely will, and sometimes will even order backpay. The parent waiving support can change their mind at any point and seek child support. Some states even allow the child to go after backpay child support after they turn 18.

It's very risky for the parent not paying.

[Anonymous]

Speculation that it would be difficult to take the kids to school is not reason enough to ask for this. He will make it work. Whatever you do, don’t frame this as best for the children.

I assume you are very busy as an attorney. How are YOU going to care for them full time?

[Anonymous]

Child support is for the kids/ In my state you can’t negotiate with the kids money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he has them every weekend and you have them before and after work during the week, you are probably both spending about equal amounts of time with them / actively engaged and parenting. He might even be spending more time with the kids if he has Friday evening and all day Saturday and Sunday and you are spending Mon-Fri before work and Mon to Thurs after work. So forgoing child support makes sense. The time spent with kids is about 50/50 even if the official custody wouldn't be as it uses overnights.

Typical dead beat mentality. Fun weekends are not 50/50. Excluding all dentist, doctor, etc visits is not 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legally, it's pretty difficult to do this in most states, because the child has the legal right to the money, not you, and it's not in the child's best interest to waive.

However, I know a couple people who did this informally. There's no legal document or enforcement, but dad agreed to let mom have primary custody, and mom doesn't go after him for child support.

I don’t think courts will undo a voluntary agreement where one parent does not seek child support or all the child support they may be entitled to.

They absolutely will, and sometimes will even order backpay. The parent waiving support can change their mind at any point and seek child support. Some states even allow the child to go after backpay child support after they turn 18.

It's very risky for the parent not paying.

I don’t think they do this unless the child requires public support. As far as I am aware, courts enter custody and support orders that the parents agree to and don’t force a child support calculation if no parent has requested that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Child support is for the kids/ In my state you can’t negotiate with the kids money.

Please cite the statute and case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has them every weekend and you have them before and after work during the week, you are probably both spending about equal amounts of time with them / actively engaged and parenting. He might even be spending more time with the kids if he has Friday evening and all day Saturday and Sunday and you are spending Mon-Fri before work and Mon to Thurs after work. So forgoing child support makes sense. The time spent with kids is about 50/50 even if the official custody wouldn't be as it uses overnights.

Typical dead beat mentality. Fun weekends are not 50/50. Excluding all dentist, doctor, etc visits is not 50/50.

Weekends are not all fun. OP is an attorney - how much time she is actually spending with her kids Mon- Friday is still a question mark. Having your kids all weekend every weekend is a lot or work as you have just as much if not more responsibility. Most parents don't think the weekends are a barrel of fun. I would say having every weekend to yourself without kids is actually the fun part.

Dentist and doctor appointments are a few times a year and either parent could still put in the few hours a year towards that.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone waived or accepted a very small amount of child support in exchange for getting primary custody of kids? Is that a bad idea? I make 200K/year working as an attorney and think I have a stable enough job. My priority is to keep my kids for the weekdays so there is no disruption in their school routine. Dad lives in another county.

A friend did this, her ex moved away and all was good until he met a new woman and wanted to show off as a dad so he applied for custody modification and they did all those reunification classes. Don’t know what came of it but just to say it’s no guarantee.
What I did was not fighting the 50/50 ex wanted but keeping the kid at home under the guise of “oh you work so much it’s probably easier on you” and also signaling I won’t be looking to modify custody and subsequently child support if he goes along.
But then he is not the most organized person and he doesn’t want to bother with courts unless he feels super threatened. You know your ex best! Will he ever try to have kids on workdays if he can be free?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone waived or accepted a very small amount of child support in exchange for getting primary custody of kids? Is that a bad idea? I make 200K/year working as an attorney and think I have a stable enough job. My priority is to keep my kids for the weekdays so there is no disruption in their school routine. Dad lives in another county.

Of course
People do this all the time
It works best if both parties agree on the custody issue.
Never ever tell your kids dad did not want to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.