Setting boundaries with STBX?

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the poster who keeps insisting marriage is for life and you are a terrible person who should wear a scarlet letter. That person has serious issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - when and how did your affair start?

it started around the time of our separation. New Guy is a family friend and he and I have always felt attraction. he separated from his DW around the same time as my STBX and I did.

OMG. Even if your souls are as pure as the driven snow DO YOU SEE WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE? If not, you have no ability to see your actions from an outside perspective and no empathy. You said you wanted a separation and seeing other people to see what happens and start an affair almost at once? And he separated then too? Total coincidence, huh. You and he look like homewreckers and you look like a lying wanna be cheater. Your husband will not want to be your best friend or any friend at all.

[Anonymous]

^ Once again, that is not OP.

[Anonymous]

I can't help but wonder how DCUM would be responding to OP if she were the husband. Personally, I think she sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Are you OP else how do you know that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - when and how did your affair start?

it started around the time of our separation. New Guy is a family friend and he and I have always felt attraction. he separated from his DW around the same time as my STBX and I did.

Yep, that's an affair.
In your mind, you have now started revisionist history and rewriting your marriage. You will soon impart on DARVO (Deny, attack, reverse victim, offender)
If you are good person, you will stop this and work on your marriage, as you should.
If you are a bad person and continue your affair, realize that the fallout for your husband, children, family, friends, generational trauma is your fault alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but wonder how DCUM would be responding to OP if she were the husband. Personally, I think she sounds awful.

same, same, same. adulterers suck

[Anonymous]

"around the time of our separation" absolutely sounds like an affair. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but wonder how DCUM would be responding to OP if she were the husband. Personally, I think she sounds awful.

same, same, same. adulterers suck

They do, but people who make stuff up are MUCH worse. Also, people who refuse to read.

OP said she was separated by the time she started seeing someone. But who needs her to say what's true when you can just make stuff up, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH, this sounds like the new guy was in the picture before you separated. Your STBX may suspect that and be reacting to it. Having a serious boyfriend within months of ending what sounds like a long-term marriage isn’t very healthy.

Excellent point.

Also, it feels odd to bring the guy into the shared marital home when your spouse was under the impression you may get back together. When you likely knew all along you were done.

According to the OP, she told him back in May that she was done and wanted a divorce, after having been separated from him since last December. That's not an unreasonable amount of time to start seeing someone new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are making your divorce harder by dating before it’s final. It’s literally adultery. Aside from any possible legal consequences, you are making it more contentious and you are not just reducing his incentive to cooperate but actively making him angry. All this is foolish in the extreme.

It's literally NOT adultery; their terms were that both parties could see other people.

I might agree that it seems to be upsetting her ex, and that cooling it for a minute for the sake of divorce negotiations might be a wise move, but him not acting like a petulant ass would also be a wise move. Having to tiptoe around his feelings reeks of abuse. He doesn't have to like that she wants a divorce. He just has to negotiate and sign it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - when and how did your affair start?

it started around the time of our separation. New Guy is a family friend and he and I have always felt attraction. he separated from his DW around the same time as my STBX and I did.

Eww. Trashy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but wonder how DCUM would be responding to OP if she were the husband. Personally, I think she sounds awful.

Why? Because she's done with the marriage, said as much, and wants a divorce? While you may be able to argue that it's sad, it's not awful. Things don't work out. People change, move on, fall in love with other people. OP seems to have been upfront about all of that.

Nothing "awful" about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - when and how did your affair start?

it started around the time of our separation. New Guy is a family friend and he and I have always felt attraction. he separated from his DW around the same time as my STBX and I did.

Yep, that's an affair.
In your mind, you have now started revisionist history and rewriting your marriage. You will soon impart on DARVO (Deny, attack, reverse victim, offender)
If you are good person, you will stop this and work on your marriage, as you should.
If you are a bad person and continue your affair, realize that the fallout for your husband, children, family, friends, generational trauma is your fault alone.

Hey, clueless, that's not OP.

If you are a sane person, you'll take this little screed to your therapist and get some help on your issues so you stop projecting. If you're a clownassed troll, you'll keep shitposting drivel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but wonder how DCUM would be responding to OP if she were the husband. Personally, I think she sounds awful.

Why? Because she's done with the marriage, said as much, and wants a divorce? While you may be able to argue that it's sad, it's not awful. Things don't work out. People change, move on, fall in love with other people. OP seems to have been upfront about all of that.

Nothing "awful" about it.

Exactly!