How to help 2nd grader with suspected executive function

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

I do help him. If I’ve asked him twice if he is sure he put the lunch I packed (and reminded him twice about) in his backpack, and insists it is there, I am not going to open his backpack to visually check. Are you saying I need to visually check to see if an 8 almost 9 year old has put the lunch I have on the counter for him every morning and have asked him about into his bag?

Yes, I look at my DS 8 backpack each morning before camp or school to check for the essentials especially lunch and water bottle. This step (what I do separately, because it's my problem too if something is missing) is different from teaching them to get some of this ready themselves.

OP I get where you are coming from because in the undies/socks example that's what my kid would do as well. And we are specifically trying to work on following multi step directions, being focused on the activity at hand, and exec functioning.

I too would appreciate book recs etc. I think some of your examples and expectations are distracting from your more general question.

[Anonymous]

OP your "almost 9 year old" is just starting 2nd grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

I do help him. If I’ve asked him twice if he is sure he put the lunch I packed (and reminded him twice about) in his backpack, and insists it is there, I am not going to open his backpack to visually check. Are you saying I need to visually check to see if an 8 almost 9 year old has put the lunch I have on the counter for him every morning and have asked him about into his bag?

I don’t get it. Where are you in the morning? You should be actively taking part in helping him get ready for school. How does he go out the door with no lunch and you are unaware. Is it not on the counter for him to pick up (or for you to see it wasn’t picked up)? Are you not getting breakfast ready and/or with him as he eats breakfast and gets him stuff together. Are you not with your kid before he leaves for school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

I do help him. If I’ve asked him twice if he is sure he put the lunch I packed (and reminded him twice about) in his backpack, and insists it is there, I am not going to open his backpack to visually check. Are you saying I need to visually check to see if an 8 almost 9 year old has put the lunch I have on the counter for him every morning and have asked him about into his bag?

Yes, I look at my DS 8 backpack each morning before camp or school to check for the essentials especially lunch and water bottle. This step (what I do separately, because it's my problem too if something is missing) is different from teaching them to get some of this ready themselves.

OP I get where you are coming from because in the undies/socks example that's what my kid would do as well. And we are specifically trying to work on following multi step directions, being focused on the activity at hand, and exec functioning.

I too would appreciate book recs etc. I think some of your examples and expectations are distracting from your more general question.

This goes against what teachers have said to do though. They say I need to set up a system (which I have) and have a checklist (yes we have done that. I even made a visual one) and give reminders, but otherwise step back and let him learn. Are they wrong? That’s why I am asking for a book recommendation. I’m very much a person that wants to read and research and know the why and how.

And I’m sorry for the confusion. I said 2nd because he just finished 2nd and given that he has been in 3rd grade for a couple of days, I thought I would get more applicable advice. Like he is basically 9 (early November birthday) but I say he is 8, same reason. If people all say “Hey 3rd and 4th grade is when stuff finally clicks,” or “in 3rd grade the teachers make sure they work on systems,” that would be great. All I’ve heard from parents of older kids is that 3rd grade is when the school academics and responsibilities ramp up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

I do help him. If I’ve asked him twice if he is sure he put the lunch I packed (and reminded him twice about) in his backpack, and insists it is there, I am not going to open his backpack to visually check. Are you saying I need to visually check to see if an 8 almost 9 year old has put the lunch I have on the counter for him every morning and have asked him about into his bag?

I don’t get it. Where are you in the morning? You should be actively taking part in helping him get ready for school. How does he go out the door with no lunch and you are unaware. Is it not on the counter for him to pick up (or for you to see it wasn’t picked up)? Are you not getting breakfast ready and/or with him as he eats breakfast and gets him stuff together. Are you not with your kid before he leaves for school?

He forgot his lunch once in 1st and once in 2nd. I am with him for over an hour before we leave. I cook breakfast. We eat together (and it takes FOREVER.) I give daily ongoing reminders - use your napkin, how do we hold our fork, you have milk on your face. Carry your plate flat pls - crumbs are falling on the ground.

We go to separate bathrooms to brush teeth and change. I have helped him set up a cubby system and he has an outfit for each day. We did this together to help him be more organized. I will have to go up there and remind him to pick up his towel off the floor and turn all his lights off. The same reminders I have been giving for 2 or more years. Then he is in charge of packing his backpack. Lunch is on the counter packed for him. I get an ice pack out for him and fill up water. I verbally remind him to pack both. Going out the door I ask him to think of all he needs for school backpack, lunch, water, jacket - and he checks and confirms. We go out the door. There is no mad rush. School told me to help him but help him have natural consequences like not having homework or forgetting lunch. But there is no real consequence for those since there is a remedy at school.

My question is whether I am doing anything wrong by keeping this routine for years. Should I be stepping back more? Is he dependent on me to hang up his towel or turn off lights, for example, because I remind him every single time!? Is there a better way to get this to think, prepare, remember, or is this just what everyone is doing at home constantly even as kids are turning 9 years old?

It concerns me because the teachers don’t seem to agree that this is what is happening with all the other kids. They specifically mention the organization piece.

Also people seem to be taking issue with the wallet, the library card, why I’m not packing his lunch. I do pack his lunch. He has a wallet to hold money and his library card. Whenever we go to the library I remind him to grab his wallet with card. We tried the lanyard. He would not keep it around his neck and it would get lost. He would fiddle with it and remove the card from the lanyard. The wallet works better most times. And the library card is not my pushing him to get one. When we enrolled in public school all the kids were required to get one and if we didn’t, one was registered for them and sent home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

I do help him. If I’ve asked him twice if he is sure he put the lunch I packed (and reminded him twice about) in his backpack, and insists it is there, I am not going to open his backpack to visually check. Are you saying I need to visually check to see if an 8 almost 9 year old has put the lunch I have on the counter for him every morning and have asked him about into his bag?

I don’t get it. Where are you in the morning? You should be actively taking part in helping him get ready for school. How does he go out the door with no lunch and you are unaware. Is it not on the counter for him to pick up (or for you to see it wasn’t picked up)? Are you not getting breakfast ready and/or with him as he eats breakfast and gets him stuff together. Are you not with your kid before he leaves for school?

Lunch is always in the same spot on the counter. I see it’s not packed and so I tell him to pack it. He confirms. We go out the door. Once a year, maybe twice, it turns out I reminded him and he confirmed, but the lunch is somehow NOT packed. School gives him lunch so he doesn’t really care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

I do help him. If I’ve asked him twice if he is sure he put the lunch I packed (and reminded him twice about) in his backpack, and insists it is there, I am not going to open his backpack to visually check. Are you saying I need to visually check to see if an 8 almost 9 year old has put the lunch I have on the counter for him every morning and have asked him about into his bag?

Yes, I look at my DS 8 backpack each morning before camp or school to check for the essentials especially lunch and water bottle. This step (what I do separately, because it's my problem too if something is missing) is different from teaching them to get some of this ready themselves.

OP I get where you are coming from because in the undies/socks example that's what my kid would do as well. And we are specifically trying to work on following multi step directions, being focused on the activity at hand, and exec functioning.

I too would appreciate book recs etc. I think some of your examples and expectations are distracting from your more general question.

That’s part of my question! Should I be doing this, or is it a crutch that we should be backing away from over this next year? I feel like it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t check lunch or dinner water if he knows I’m just going to check to see if it’s there. Is that not right?

[Anonymous]

I have an almost 9 year old who just started 3rd grade. She has good organizational skills at school--doesn't lose things, picks up on classroom routines, etc. Teachers have noted it. And yet, half the things you write she does at home (towels on the floor, laundry not in hamper, not putting shoes away and the dog gets them, not being mindful about crumbs).

You are expecting a lot more from your kid who evidently does not have good organizational skills at school than I do from mine at this point. Pick one thing to work on and have him be responsible for that one thing, and then when he has that down, add one more thing. Your description of what you do before school in the morning is overwhelming and stressful to me, your kid might feel the same. An overwhelmed brain is not going to take on these lessons.

FWIW, my kid responsibilities in the morning before school are to get herself dressed, come downstairs, eat breakfast, hold still while I do her hair, go to the bathroom, get shoes on, and walk to the bus stop. Lunch gets packed the night before and waits in the fridge. Laptop gets plugged into charger after school. If she has homework, or library books, or something to take to school that goes in the backpack the night before--in the morning I fill her water bottle, pull the lunch out of the fridge, and put those and the laptop in the backpack. Wakeup to out the door for my kid is about 45 minutes, sometimes less, but eating enough to not be cranky and being dressed for the weather are the most important things.

Your child forgetting their lunch once or twice a school year is not something to make something of. omg. My kid left their lunchbox at school once or twice last year--we have a spare, so she knew that she had to bring both home the next day or buy cafeteria lunch (she never forgot the second day--she hates buying). This summer she mastered taking a shower and washing her own hair independently (all steps, rinsing completely, etc) and that was a big win.

Do you never forget things? Once or twice a year is not notable, all humans forget things.

Start with one thing. Streamline the process so it is logical to your kid, but start with one thing and do the rest for him. See how that goes, then add one more thing, etc.

You sound like a perfectionist and that he is pushing all your buttons and stressing you out and you are spiraling as a result. I get it, I have this tendency, but seriously--it's the beginning of 3rd grade. There is time to teach him how to be an independent human before he goes to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

I do help him. If I’ve asked him twice if he is sure he put the lunch I packed (and reminded him twice about) in his backpack, and insists it is there, I am not going to open his backpack to visually check. Are you saying I need to visually check to see if an 8 almost 9 year old has put the lunch I have on the counter for him every morning and have asked him about into his bag?

I don’t get it. Where are you in the morning? You should be actively taking part in helping him get ready for school. How does he go out the door with no lunch and you are unaware. Is it not on the counter for him to pick up (or for you to see it wasn’t picked up)? Are you not getting breakfast ready and/or with him as he eats breakfast and gets him stuff together. Are you not with your kid before he leaves for school?

He forgot his lunch once in 1st and once in 2nd. I am with him for over an hour before we leave. I cook breakfast. We eat together (and it takes FOREVER.) I give daily ongoing reminders - use your napkin, how do we hold our fork, you have milk on your face. Carry your plate flat pls - crumbs are falling on the ground.

We go to separate bathrooms to brush teeth and change. I have helped him set up a cubby system and he has an outfit for each day. We did this together to help him be more organized. I will have to go up there and remind him to pick up his towel off the floor and turn all his lights off. The same reminders I have been giving for 2 or more years. Then he is in charge of packing his backpack. Lunch is on the counter packed for him. I get an ice pack out for him and fill up water. I verbally remind him to pack both. Going out the door I ask him to think of all he needs for school backpack, lunch, water, jacket - and he checks and confirms. We go out the door. There is no mad rush. School told me to help him but help him have natural consequences like not having homework or forgetting lunch. But there is no real consequence for those since there is a remedy at school.

My question is whether I am doing anything wrong by keeping this routine for years. Should I be stepping back more? Is he dependent on me to hang up his towel or turn off lights, for example, because I remind him every single time!? Is there a better way to get this to think, prepare, remember, or is this just what everyone is doing at home constantly even as kids are turning 9 years old?

It concerns me because the teachers don’t seem to agree that this is what is happening with all the other kids. They specifically mention the organization piece.

Also people seem to be taking issue with the wallet, the library card, why I’m not packing his lunch. I do pack his lunch. He has a wallet to hold money and his library card. Whenever we go to the library I remind him to grab his wallet with card. We tried the lanyard. He would not keep it around his neck and it would get lost. He would fiddle with it and remove the card from the lanyard. The wallet works better most times. And the library card is not my pushing him to get one. When we enrolled in public school all the kids were required to get one and if we didn’t, one was registered for them and sent home.

I'm confused what your actual issue is. My same age with very good executive function like plans things with detailed lists on their own, packs on their own, etc., has forgotten their lunch at least once a year. Are you extrapolating that he would forget his lunch without the routine or saying you think he only remembers it because you talk him through it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

I do help him. If I’ve asked him twice if he is sure he put the lunch I packed (and reminded him twice about) in his backpack, and insists it is there, I am not going to open his backpack to visually check. Are you saying I need to visually check to see if an 8 almost 9 year old has put the lunch I have on the counter for him every morning and have asked him about into his bag?

I don’t get it. Where are you in the morning? You should be actively taking part in helping him get ready for school. How does he go out the door with no lunch and you are unaware. Is it not on the counter for him to pick up (or for you to see it wasn’t picked up)? Are you not getting breakfast ready and/or with him as he eats breakfast and gets him stuff together. Are you not with your kid before he leaves for school?

Lunch is always in the same spot on the counter. I see it’s not packed and so I tell him to pack it. He confirms. We go out the door. Once a year, maybe twice, it turns out I reminded him and he confirmed, but the lunch is somehow NOT packed. School gives him lunch so he doesn’t really care.

Don’t you see it on the counter still? That means it isn’t in his bag. So tell him put in bag. If you’re right there I don’t get how it’s getting missed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

I do help him. If I’ve asked him twice if he is sure he put the lunch I packed (and reminded him twice about) in his backpack, and insists it is there, I am not going to open his backpack to visually check. Are you saying I need to visually check to see if an 8 almost 9 year old has put the lunch I have on the counter for him every morning and have asked him about into his bag?

I don’t get it. Where are you in the morning? You should be actively taking part in helping him get ready for school. How does he go out the door with no lunch and you are unaware. Is it not on the counter for him to pick up (or for you to see it wasn’t picked up)? Are you not getting breakfast ready and/or with him as he eats breakfast and gets him stuff together. Are you not with your kid before he leaves for school?

He forgot his lunch once in 1st and once in 2nd. I am with him for over an hour before we leave. I cook breakfast. We eat together (and it takes FOREVER.) I give daily ongoing reminders - use your napkin, how do we hold our fork, you have milk on your face. Carry your plate flat pls - crumbs are falling on the ground.

We go to separate bathrooms to brush teeth and change. I have helped him set up a cubby system and he has an outfit for each day. We did this together to help him be more organized. I will have to go up there and remind him to pick up his towel off the floor and turn all his lights off. The same reminders I have been giving for 2 or more years. Then he is in charge of packing his backpack. Lunch is on the counter packed for him. I get an ice pack out for him and fill up water. I verbally remind him to pack both. Going out the door I ask him to think of all he needs for school backpack, lunch, water, jacket - and he checks and confirms. We go out the door. There is no mad rush. School told me to help him but help him have natural consequences like not having homework or forgetting lunch. But there is no real consequence for those since there is a remedy at school.

My question is whether I am doing anything wrong by keeping this routine for years. Should I be stepping back more? Is he dependent on me to hang up his towel or turn off lights, for example, because I remind him every single time!? Is there a better way to get this to think, prepare, remember, or is this just what everyone is doing at home constantly even as kids are turning 9 years old?

It concerns me because the teachers don’t seem to agree that this is what is happening with all the other kids. They specifically mention the organization piece.

Also people seem to be taking issue with the wallet, the library card, why I’m not packing his lunch. I do pack his lunch. He has a wallet to hold money and his library card. Whenever we go to the library I remind him to grab his wallet with card. We tried the lanyard. He would not keep it around his neck and it would get lost. He would fiddle with it and remove the card from the lanyard. The wallet works better most times. And the library card is not my pushing him to get one. When we enrolled in public school all the kids were required to get one and if we didn’t, one was registered for them and sent home.

I really not understanding what your problem is. The school organization is a seperate issue. But turning lights off, hanging up towels? He is 8. Yes they don’t always remember to do that. Teens boys don’t either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an almost 9 year old who just started 3rd grade. She has good organizational skills at school--doesn't lose things, picks up on classroom routines, etc. Teachers have noted it. And yet, half the things you write she does at home (towels on the floor, laundry not in hamper, not putting shoes away and the dog gets them, not being mindful about crumbs).

You are expecting a lot more from your kid who evidently does not have good organizational skills at school than I do from mine at this point. Pick one thing to work on and have him be responsible for that one thing, and then when he has that down, add one more thing. Your description of what you do before school in the morning is overwhelming and stressful to me, your kid might feel the same. An overwhelmed brain is not going to take on these lessons.

FWIW, my kid responsibilities in the morning before school are to get herself dressed, come downstairs, eat breakfast, hold still while I do her hair, go to the bathroom, get shoes on, and walk to the bus stop. Lunch gets packed the night before and waits in the fridge. Laptop gets plugged into charger after school. If she has homework, or library books, or something to take to school that goes in the backpack the night before--in the morning I fill her water bottle, pull the lunch out of the fridge, and put those and the laptop in the backpack. Wakeup to out the door for my kid is about 45 minutes, sometimes less, but eating enough to not be cranky and being dressed for the weather are the most important things.

Your child forgetting their lunch once or twice a school year is not something to make something of. omg. My kid left their lunchbox at school once or twice last year--we have a spare, so she knew that she had to bring both home the next day or buy cafeteria lunch (she never forgot the second day--she hates buying). This summer she mastered taking a shower and washing her own hair independently (all steps, rinsing completely, etc) and that was a big win.

Do you never forget things? Once or twice a year is not notable, all humans forget things.

Start with one thing. Streamline the process so it is logical to your kid, but start with one thing and do the rest for him. See how that goes, then add one more thing, etc.

You sound like a perfectionist and that he is pushing all your buttons and stressing you out and you are spiraling as a result. I get it, I have this tendency, but seriously--it's the beginning of 3rd grade. There is time to teach him how to be an independent human before he goes to college.

I think people think I am making a bigger deal of things and I am not. But I understand that it’s hard to read tone online. It is not stressful and I am not giving DS a hard time about forgetting lunch. I’m giving that as an example. Not am I standing there like a silent lump or in a different room expecting him to pack his own lunch and get a younger sibling ready for school. We usually have a nice breakfast together and chat and I remind him to do things and I fix his hair. It’s… pleasant. People are responding to this thread like I’m screaming and rushing out the door or else ignoring him and then trying to catch him forgetting something so I can say “Haha I told you so!”

I’m doing what I’m doing which mostly works, but I’m saying he is still disorganized and forgetful and teachers are consistently telling me that it is moreso than with most others. I want to know what else I can do and also whether I am doing what I should be doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an almost 9 year old who just started 3rd grade. She has good organizational skills at school--doesn't lose things, picks up on classroom routines, etc. Teachers have noted it. And yet, half the things you write she does at home (towels on the floor, laundry not in hamper, not putting shoes away and the dog gets them, not being mindful about crumbs).

You are expecting a lot more from your kid who evidently does not have good organizational skills at school than I do from mine at this point. Pick one thing to work on and have him be responsible for that one thing, and then when he has that down, add one more thing. Your description of what you do before school in the morning is overwhelming and stressful to me, your kid might feel the same. An overwhelmed brain is not going to take on these lessons.

FWIW, my kid responsibilities in the morning before school are to get herself dressed, come downstairs, eat breakfast, hold still while I do her hair, go to the bathroom, get shoes on, and walk to the bus stop. Lunch gets packed the night before and waits in the fridge. Laptop gets plugged into charger after school. If she has homework, or library books, or something to take to school that goes in the backpack the night before--in the morning I fill her water bottle, pull the lunch out of the fridge, and put those and the laptop in the backpack. Wakeup to out the door for my kid is about 45 minutes, sometimes less, but eating enough to not be cranky and being dressed for the weather are the most important things.

Your child forgetting their lunch once or twice a school year is not something to make something of. omg. My kid left their lunchbox at school once or twice last year--we have a spare, so she knew that she had to bring both home the next day or buy cafeteria lunch (she never forgot the second day--she hates buying). This summer she mastered taking a shower and washing her own hair independently (all steps, rinsing completely, etc) and that was a big win.

Do you never forget things? Once or twice a year is not notable, all humans forget things.

Start with one thing. Streamline the process so it is logical to your kid, but start with one thing and do the rest for him. See how that goes, then add one more thing, etc.

You sound like a perfectionist and that he is pushing all your buttons and stressing you out and you are spiraling as a result. I get it, I have this tendency, but seriously--it's the beginning of 3rd grade. There is time to teach him how to be an independent human before he goes to college.

I think people think I am making a bigger deal of things and I am not. But I understand that it’s hard to read tone online. It is not stressful and I am not giving DS a hard time about forgetting lunch. I’m giving that as an example. Not am I standing there like a silent lump or in a different room expecting him to pack his own lunch and get a younger sibling ready for school. We usually have a nice breakfast together and chat and I remind him to do things and I fix his hair. It’s… pleasant. People are responding to this thread like I’m screaming and rushing out the door or else ignoring him and then trying to catch him forgetting something so I can say “Haha I told you so!”

I’m doing what I’m doing which mostly works, but I’m saying he is still disorganized and forgetful and teachers are consistently telling me that it is moreso than with most others. I want to know what else I can do and also whether I am doing what I should be doing.

His teacher isn't complaining that he forgot his lunch once last year, so what are they complaining about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an almost 9 year old who just started 3rd grade. She has good organizational skills at school--doesn't lose things, picks up on classroom routines, etc. Teachers have noted it. And yet, half the things you write she does at home (towels on the floor, laundry not in hamper, not putting shoes away and the dog gets them, not being mindful about crumbs).

You are expecting a lot more from your kid who evidently does not have good organizational skills at school than I do from mine at this point. Pick one thing to work on and have him be responsible for that one thing, and then when he has that down, add one more thing. Your description of what you do before school in the morning is overwhelming and stressful to me, your kid might feel the same. An overwhelmed brain is not going to take on these lessons.

FWIW, my kid responsibilities in the morning before school are to get herself dressed, come downstairs, eat breakfast, hold still while I do her hair, go to the bathroom, get shoes on, and walk to the bus stop. Lunch gets packed the night before and waits in the fridge. Laptop gets plugged into charger after school. If she has homework, or library books, or something to take to school that goes in the backpack the night before--in the morning I fill her water bottle, pull the lunch out of the fridge, and put those and the laptop in the backpack. Wakeup to out the door for my kid is about 45 minutes, sometimes less, but eating enough to not be cranky and being dressed for the weather are the most important things.

Your child forgetting their lunch once or twice a school year is not something to make something of. omg. My kid left their lunchbox at school once or twice last year--we have a spare, so she knew that she had to bring both home the next day or buy cafeteria lunch (she never forgot the second day--she hates buying). This summer she mastered taking a shower and washing her own hair independently (all steps, rinsing completely, etc) and that was a big win.

Do you never forget things? Once or twice a year is not notable, all humans forget things.

Start with one thing. Streamline the process so it is logical to your kid, but start with one thing and do the rest for him. See how that goes, then add one more thing, etc.

You sound like a perfectionist and that he is pushing all your buttons and stressing you out and you are spiraling as a result. I get it, I have this tendency, but seriously--it's the beginning of 3rd grade. There is time to teach him how to be an independent human before he goes to college.

I think people think I am making a bigger deal of things and I am not. But I understand that it’s hard to read tone online. It is not stressful and I am not giving DS a hard time about forgetting lunch. I’m giving that as an example. Not am I standing there like a silent lump or in a different room expecting him to pack his own lunch and get a younger sibling ready for school. We usually have a nice breakfast together and chat and I remind him to do things and I fix his hair. It’s… pleasant. People are responding to this thread like I’m screaming and rushing out the door or else ignoring him and then trying to catch him forgetting something so I can say “Haha I told you so!”

I’m doing what I’m doing which mostly works, but I’m saying he is still disorganized and forgetful and teachers are consistently telling me that it is moreso than with most others. I want to know what else I can do and also whether I am doing what I should be doing.

I don’t know why you’d give “forgetting his lunch” as your example of being disorganized if it only happened once/twice per yr. That is nothing. People assumed it must be happening all the time, since you brought it up as an example. What you are describing at home seems like within the realm of normal for a child of 8 or even older. Build a routine at home, if you haven’t already. You aren’t at school with him so you can’t do much about that. The best you can do is have him complete homework same time every day. Check it. Watch him put it in folder (same folder every day) and put it in his bag. Have him follow through beginning to end with tasks at home before moving on to next

[Anonymous]

Totally normal. Your expectations are out of wack. Be kind and help him not give him a complex of why he can’t remember. This is a parenting fail.