How to help 2nd grader with suspected executive function

[Anonymous]

I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, I have an 8 yo boy too and this just sounds typical for the age. My son and his friends are always leaving their stuff everywhere. Hats, water bottles etc.

[Anonymous]

Ann Dolin has some presentations that are helpful for organizing homework and things, but the problem seems to be not looking at the actual problem and brainstorming real solutions. Can the shoe bag somehow be attached to the regular bag or get a bag with two compartments?

At the library, the card must go back in the wallet and wallet into the pocket before he goes off to read. If he doesn't have pockets, is there a spot in your library bag? If not get one with a zippered pocket, etc.

I'm not inherently organized or a maker of habits, but it has helped me to realize these things don't happen magically for other people either. Once you take your own judgment of him or yourself out of the picture, figure out what is the actual underlying problem? Then there will be a matching solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ann Dolin has some presentations that are helpful for organizing homework and things, but the problem seems to be not looking at the actual problem and brainstorming real solutions. Can the shoe bag somehow be attached to the regular bag or get a bag with two compartments?

At the library, the card must go back in the wallet and wallet into the pocket before he goes off to read. If he doesn't have pockets, is there a spot in your library bag? If not get one with a zippered pocket, etc.

I'm not inherently organized or a maker of habits, but it has helped me to realize these things don't happen magically for other people either. Once you take your own judgment of him or yourself out of the picture, figure out what is the actual underlying problem? Then there will be a matching solution.

The wallet was supposed to be the solution for leaving the card! How long do I keep reminding card in wallet, wallet in pocket? I’ve helped set up systems, reminded, and then I need to start stepping back now that he will be turning 9…

[Anonymous]

Your 2nd grader has a locker and a wallet? This already sounds advanced to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 2nd grader has a locker and a wallet? This already sounds advanced to me.

I think they got lockers starting in 1st grade. It’s really just to keep their lunch bags out of the classroom. They don’t have textbooks or anything. The wallet I gave him since he gets an allowance and I got tired of watching him run out of the house with dollar bills stuffed haphazardly in his pocket.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a typical kid (or adult). Ask him to pause when he stands up from any seat and pat his pockets or look around for any stray items.

[Anonymous]

He has too many things to carry. See above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a typical kid (or adult). Ask him to pause when he stands up from any seat and pat his pockets or look around for any stray items.

Another example He had a music lesson last week. He carries an instrument and a bag with his music, so 2 things. At the door, I paused and asked if he has everything. He said yes. I asked if he has everything he needs for his viola lesson. We started getting into the car. I backed out of the driveway. Finally, I asked him if he has his viola.

So I'm trying to just remind and prompt. But in this case I literally had to tell him to bring his viola. To his viola lesson. He has been taking lessons for over a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has too many things to carry. See above.

He really doesn't have that much and I've helped him organized per place. I keep trying to tell him to take X out, use it, and then it immediately goes back into it's place. When we transition, I tell him to put things away. So when we get home from school, I remind him to unpack his things (lunch, water bottle, papers for me to sign). How much longer do I need to give this daily reminder to unpack his backpack??


school - backback that has two compartments (one for folder and one for lunch) and a water bottle pocket on in. That's all he has to take.

music lesson - he goes once a week and just has to take his instrument and a bag of books. He used to want to just carry his books, but I insisted on the bag.

library - library card in his wallet, which he puts in his pocket. Again, I insisted the card goes in his wallet. Before that I had it on a lanyard and he kept taking it out and losing it. Before THAT he insisted on having his card loose (no wallet, no lanyard).

[Anonymous]

I had my son make lists of things to remember and put them on the door out to the garage. So one for school, one for soccer practice, one for karate. Instead of having to ask him about all this, I just sometimes remind him to check his list .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a typical kid (or adult). Ask him to pause when he stands up from any seat and pat his pockets or look around for any stray items.

Another example He had a music lesson last week. He carries an instrument and a bag with his music, so 2 things. At the door, I paused and asked if he has everything. He said yes. I asked if he has everything he needs for his viola lesson. We started getting into the car. I backed out of the driveway. Finally, I asked him if he has his viola.

So I'm trying to just remind and prompt. But in this case I literally had to tell him to bring his viola. To his viola lesson. He has been taking lessons for over a year.

I get it. But also he's just 8. And you as an adult could see he wasn't carrying a viola but said nothing?

You should ask him to say aloud what he needs for his lesson, like a checklist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has too many things to carry. See above.

He really doesn't have that much and I've helped him organized per place. I keep trying to tell him to take X out, use it, and then it immediately goes back into it's place. When we transition, I tell him to put things away. So when we get home from school, I remind him to unpack his things (lunch, water bottle, papers for me to sign). How much longer do I need to give this daily reminder to unpack his backpack?

Years.
Reminding and prompting and systems are all good teaching tools, but kids need to be taught repeatedly over time. You have a little kid going through a lot of physical, mental, and emotional development and that development will continue for years. He's not "baked" yet and it's unrealistic to expect that every lesson sticks.

[Anonymous]

This is normal for his age. I think your expectations are too high - why does your child have two bags? Why not just get him a bigger backpack so he can put his shoes in one bag? Why on earth did you give him a wallet? Why not get him a lanyard for his library card so he can wear it around his neck?

You sound like you have absolutely no common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is normal for his age. I think your expectations are too high - why does your child have two bags? Why not just get him a bigger backpack so he can put his shoes in one bag? Why on earth did you give him a wallet? Why not get him a lanyard for his library card so he can wear it around his neck?

You sound like you have absolutely no common sense.

The card was on a lanyard. He would pick and take the card off. We tried a different style lanyard. Didn’t work.

He doesn’t want his shoes in his bag. He put them in a plastic bag like everyone else to carry to his locker.