How to help 2nd grader with suspected executive function

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but an 8 year old needs reminders. I don't expect my 9 year old to always remember to grab her lunch, snack, and water out of the refrigerator every morning. I remind her. Sometimes she says "I got it already", sometimes she says "Oooooh yeah!". Same with homework. I have to ask her when she gets home "Do you have any homework?" and when she finishes her homework remind her to put it in her backpack. Does she do things on her own sometimes? Yes, absolutely, but the reminder is there just in case. My older child doesn't need reminders, everything is habit now.

[Anonymous]

I just re-read your post and it sounds like YOU are the one that forgets. And you just need to make a list and set alarms. I set alarms at night to remind me to make my kids' lunch otherwise, sometimes I forget, for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

I do help him. If I’ve asked him twice if he is sure he put the lunch I packed (and reminded him twice about) in his backpack, and insists it is there, I am not going to open his backpack to visually check. Are you saying I need to visually check to see if an 8 almost 9 year old has put the lunch I have on the counter for him every morning and have asked him about into his bag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just re-read your post and it sounds like YOU are the one that forgets. And you just need to make a list and set alarms. I set alarms at night to remind me to make my kids' lunch otherwise, sometimes I forget, for example.

I don’t forget anything related to him. It’s more like I misplace my gum or I run out of socks for myself. Mostly because I’m spending all my time washing his socks and reminding him 1009099 times to do everything over and over.

[Anonymous]

OP, your DS is is a young kid and he forgets stuff. You're the mom here: step up and stop pathologizing your kid.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to parenthood, sounds like you are an only child and have an only child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DS is is a young kid and he forgets stuff. You're the mom here: step up and stop pathologizing your kid.

He is almost 9. I hear from everyone over and over on this board that their kids are walking to the store, riding bikes, staying home alone, cooking well before 9. But he can’t be trusted to have place his packed lunch in his bag after I ask him, or to take an instrument to an instrument lesson? You’re saying I should hover over my kid and remind him of every single item he needs for every single place we go AND visually check after he confirms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just re-read your post and it sounds like YOU are the one that forgets. And you just need to make a list and set alarms. I set alarms at night to remind me to make my kids' lunch otherwise, sometimes I forget, for example.

Err I’ve never forgotten to make my kids lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but an 8 year old needs reminders. I don't expect my 9 year old to always remember to grab her lunch, snack, and water out of the refrigerator every morning. I remind her. Sometimes she says "I got it already", sometimes she says "Oooooh yeah!". Same with homework. I have to ask her when she gets home "Do you have any homework?" and when she finishes her homework remind her to put it in her backpack. Does she do things on her own sometimes? Yes, absolutely, but the reminder is there just in case. My older child doesn't need reminders, everything is habit now.

Yes but in this case I remind and it doesn’t always happen.

“We are leaving. Remember to grab your lunch and water” (I always leave them on the counter by the exit).

“Ok”
(Literally all he has to do is put two things in his bag and slip shoes on)

In the car about to leave : “you have your lunch right?”

“Oh wait!”

[Anonymous]

Two pages of replies and not a single book rec

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DS is is a young kid and he forgets stuff. You're the mom here: step up and stop pathologizing your kid.

He is almost 9. I hear from everyone over and over on this board that their kids are walking to the store, riding bikes, staying home alone, cooking well before 9. But he can’t be trusted to have place his packed lunch in his bag after I ask him, or to take an instrument to an instrument lesson? You’re saying I should hover over my kid and remind him of every single item he needs for every single place we go AND visually check after he confirms?

No to the bolded, or if you're seeing it here it's exaggerations. Your expectations are not realistic. (And IMO, your expectations are not kind. We've all seen a movie with a parentified 9 yo who is packing lunches for 3 younger siblings: that's not supposed to be aspirational.)

More importantly - even if other kids are doing it, you parent the kid you have. There is a wide range of maturity in the 8-15 range and nothing you've said suggests he has a disorder.

What it sounds like to me is that you are rushed and flustered, and you resent that he is one more thing for you to take care of. He is absolutely internalizing that, btw, which is sad as well as demonstrably ineffective in getting him to remember his belongings. Stop rushing out to the car and plan your time so that you can walk out the door with him, observing the things he has with him and talking to him about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two pages of replies and not a single book rec

Two pages of OP refusing to heed the DCUM consensus that this is a parent problem not a kid problem.