How to help 2nd grader with suspected executive function

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say suspected because he’s never been tested for anything and of course 8 year olds are not as organized as middle schoolers. He remembers dates and times really well but can be disorganized with items.

Examples:
He needs to put gym shoes in his locker. He remembers this himself and packs his shoe bag… At drop off he jumps out of the car with his backpack and leaves the shoe bag in the car.

He goes to the library (takes his own wallet and library card and checks out. Sits and reads or gets on computer and when we get up to leave, leaves his wallet and card.

He has never forgotten major things like his lunch or his homework.


Does anyone have a book I can read to help understand and put strategies in place? I’m punctual and responsible, but tend toward clutter and sometimes misplace things. In kindergarten we used a visual checklist, but he has multiple activities and more supplies now.

This is just so normal for 8yo boys. I have 3. Strategies basically include natural consequences.

It’s hard when there’s fail safes. He forgot his music book and viola teacher had an extra so it was fine. He forgot his lunch once and I drive it over when school called. Another Time he forgot lunch and I didn’t drive over but school gave him a lunch and he was happy as a clam. Last week I had him call the library about his lost card and the librarian said not to worry they would just issue him a new card on his next visit.

He’s 8. Help him. Your 8 yr old going to school without his lunch is your fault.

I do help him. If I’ve asked him twice if he is sure he put the lunch I packed (and reminded him twice about) in his backpack, and insists it is there, I am not going to open his backpack to visually check. Are you saying I need to visually check to see if an 8 almost 9 year old has put the lunch I have on the counter for him every morning and have asked him about into his bag?

I don’t get it. Where are you in the morning? You should be actively taking part in helping him get ready for school. How does he go out the door with no lunch and you are unaware. Is it not on the counter for him to pick up (or for you to see it wasn’t picked up)? Are you not getting breakfast ready and/or with him as he eats breakfast and gets him stuff together. Are you not with your kid before he leaves for school?

He forgot his lunch once in 1st and once in 2nd. I am with him for over an hour before we leave. I cook breakfast. We eat together (and it takes FOREVER.) I give daily ongoing reminders - use your napkin, how do we hold our fork, you have milk on your face. Carry your plate flat pls - crumbs are falling on the ground.

We go to separate bathrooms to brush teeth and change. I have helped him set up a cubby system and he has an outfit for each day. We did this together to help him be more organized. I will have to go up there and remind him to pick up his towel off the floor and turn all his lights off. The same reminders I have been giving for 2 or more years. Then he is in charge of packing his backpack. Lunch is on the counter packed for him. I get an ice pack out for him and fill up water. I verbally remind him to pack both. Going out the door I ask him to think of all he needs for school backpack, lunch, water, jacket - and he checks and confirms. We go out the door. There is no mad rush. School told me to help him but help him have natural consequences like not having homework or forgetting lunch. But there is no real consequence for those since there is a remedy at school.

My question is whether I am doing anything wrong by keeping this routine for years. Should I be stepping back more? Is he dependent on me to hang up his towel or turn off lights, for example, because I remind him every single time!? Is there a better way to get this to think, prepare, remember, or is this just what everyone is doing at home constantly even as kids are turning 9 years old?

It concerns me because the teachers don’t seem to agree that this is what is happening with all the other kids. They specifically mention the organization piece.

Also people seem to be taking issue with the wallet, the library card, why I’m not packing his lunch. I do pack his lunch. He has a wallet to hold money and his library card. Whenever we go to the library I remind him to grab his wallet with card. We tried the lanyard. He would not keep it around his neck and it would get lost. He would fiddle with it and remove the card from the lanyard. The wallet works better most times. And the library card is not my pushing him to get one. When we enrolled in public school all the kids were required to get one and if we didn’t, one was registered for them and sent home.

I really not understanding what your problem is. The school organization is a seperate issue. But turning lights off, hanging up towels? He is 8. Yes they don’t always remember to do that. Teens boys don’t either.

It’s not that he doesn’t always remember to hang up towel or turn light off. It’s that he never does, unless there is a specific reminder every single time and sometimes not even then.

[Anonymous]

Take a photo of everything that needs to go in his backpack and tape it to the wall or frame it on the counter or whatever. Have him look at it every morning when he is packing his school bag. Ask him to verbally confirm to you that he did, but don't check it. Do the same for his music bag, soccer bag, whatever bag.

If it turns out that he didn't, don't go to the school or the lesson or the practice and bring him anything except a lunch (he shouldn't go hungry). This includes a water bottle -- he won't dehydrate; schools have these things called water fountains.

Part of the anxious generation is that parents do everything for kids these days -- it leave them feeling like they have no control over anything. They need, in incremental, age-appropriate ways, more responsibility and ownership in their lives. Feeling natural consequences and having safe spaces to fail are so important.

He's in 2nd grade -- so set him up to succeed with the photos, an organized home, systems, etc... but make him more and more responsible, and, yes, let him fail when he doesn't remember or get something right on the first tries.

[Anonymous]

I'll add -- I think this thread went a little off because you suggested he has suspected executive functioning issues. Nah. He's a normal 8 yr old. But your desire to make him more responsible for this stuff and feel natural consequences is actually correct; everyone telling you to check his backpack, etc. are the problem. (I know we all have been doing it and stuff like it -- but we all need to learn to change.)

[Anonymous]

I don’t h destined what you’re asking for - get on the waitlist for a neuro-psych evaluation and then see what comes back. The psychologist can provide you with tools and recommendations.

[Anonymous]

That should have said understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll add -- I think this thread went a little off because you suggested he has suspected executive functioning issues. Nah. He's a normal 8 yr old. But your desire to make him more responsible for this stuff and feel natural consequences is actually correct; everyone telling you to check his backpack, etc. are the problem. (I know we all have been doing it and stuff like it -- but we all need to learn to change.)

You are making a big deal out of ordinary things. Tell him to hang up towel and put clothes in hamper. The end. You are right there.