pay for adult kids to attend destination wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it and they are starting out, why are you holding back? What lesson do you think you are sending?

This 1000%!

you are not "holding your kid back" if you pay for vacations. As long as the kid is financially sound (I'm not paying if they are not saving/living within their means)

A vacation is a luxury, not a need, and yes, destination weddings are luxuries.

I declined every one I was invited to until I could afford it, both time and money. I also declined childfree weddings when my kids were young and I didn’t have paid childcare available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't the kids already set up to do well financially at that age? I wouldn't even have to ask my kids if they have money. I would know that they do.
I set my kids up financially, but not like handing money, but to teach them to invest and be financially responsible with their own money since elementary shcool.
18 - year old just went to beach with his friends and saved up for it.
In late 20s, they will be treating me.

umm most 28-30 yo are just starting out, and might still be saving for a house, budgeting for one vacation a year, and might not have $3-4K in the budget for a destination wedding. Doesn't mean they are not doing well financially. If anything, the ones who say "no" might be the most fiscally soudn

Also, parents don’t get to tell grown children what luxuries to buy.

[Anonymous]

In the abstract, I'm opposed to paying for a vacation for a kid in their late twenties. However, I'm close with my nieces and nephews, and there are only a few, so I imagine I'd pay for my kids to attend their destination wedding when the time comes. Spending money on quality family time and supporting my siblings, nieces, and nephews makes sense. I would never pay for my kids to do a friend trip, but for a family trip to support my nieces and nephews, yes.

[Anonymous]

You sound like my cheap parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

My kids would never ask, even though their income is a fraction of ours.

We'd offer to pay.

+1
Parents are happy when kids are thoughtful, not entitled and not greedy.

Asking for help isn’t entitled.

Dangling money over an adult child and making demands (attend this wedding or else!) is greedy and entitled.

Eh, I'm a person who's parents offer to pay for flights (and who often takes them up on it) and I would NEVER ask them to pay for something if there was any way I could swing it. It's not how my family is wired - a kid asking for money is seen as need/desperation but parents offering (whether or not the kids could otherwise afford it) is smoothing the path for the family to be together. Offering to pay for a flight isn't a summons, though, and we can always say no.

My family is the same. Asking for money would make my parents feel like they failed. Instead, they will leave behind a $20m+ estate, much of it going to charity. But all of us kids are doing well on our own, and we all treat our parents when we go to dinner now. It's a source of pride for them that we can. They paid for our school-related expenses - law, medical, flight, etc. Not cheap, and starting out in high-paying careers with no debt is a huge advantage for which we are all grateful.

They never paid for big trips like weddings, and I have a close relationship with them and lots of gratitude for what they did do.

Do you think your parents would have covered expenses if any of the kids didn't choose high paying careers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

My kids would never ask, even though their income is a fraction of ours.

We'd offer to pay.

+1
Parents are happy when kids are thoughtful, not entitled and not greedy.

Asking for help isn’t entitled.

Dangling money over an adult child and making demands (attend this wedding or else!) is greedy and entitled.

Eh, I'm a person who's parents offer to pay for flights (and who often takes them up on it) and I would NEVER ask them to pay for something if there was any way I could swing it. It's not how my family is wired - a kid asking for money is seen as need/desperation but parents offering (whether or not the kids could otherwise afford it) is smoothing the path for the family to be together. Offering to pay for a flight isn't a summons, though, and we can always say no.

My family is the same. Asking for money would make my parents feel like they failed. Instead, they will leave behind a $20m+ estate, much of it going to charity. But all of us kids are doing well on our own, and we all treat our parents when we go to dinner now. It's a source of pride for them that we can. They paid for our school-related expenses - law, medical, flight, etc. Not cheap, and starting out in high-paying careers with no debt is a huge advantage for which we are all grateful.

They never paid for big trips like weddings, and I have a close relationship with them and lots of gratitude for what they did do.

Do you think your parents would have covered expenses if any of the kids didn't choose high paying careers?

no, but they'd give me a place to stay if I were homeless, or pay for a lifesaving procedure if I needed help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

My kids would never ask, even though their income is a fraction of ours.

We'd offer to pay.

+1
Parents are happy when kids are thoughtful, not entitled and not greedy.

Asking for help isn’t entitled.

Dangling money over an adult child and making demands (attend this wedding or else!) is greedy and entitled.

Eh, I'm a person who's parents offer to pay for flights (and who often takes them up on it) and I would NEVER ask them to pay for something if there was any way I could swing it. It's not how my family is wired - a kid asking for money is seen as need/desperation but parents offering (whether or not the kids could otherwise afford it) is smoothing the path for the family to be together. Offering to pay for a flight isn't a summons, though, and we can always say no.

My family is the same. Asking for money would make my parents feel like they failed. Instead, they will leave behind a $20m+ estate, much of it going to charity. But all of us kids are doing well on our own, and we all treat our parents when we go to dinner now. It's a source of pride for them that we can. They paid for our school-related expenses - law, medical, flight, etc. Not cheap, and starting out in high-paying careers with no debt is a huge advantage for which we are all grateful.

They never paid for big trips like weddings, and I have a close relationship with them and lots of gratitude for what they did do.

Do you think your parents would have covered expenses if any of the kids didn't choose high paying careers?

no, but they'd give me a place to stay if I were homeless, or pay for a lifesaving procedure if I needed help.

Gotcha- I wasn't sure how your comment about starting off as a high earner connected to your point about them not paying. Sounds like it didn't.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Whew. Some of these responses are indeed wild. Thanks to all for weighing in. I'm sure we'll end up paying to make it a seamless family experience, although I was curious to what others would do. Now I know, for better or worse.

[Anonymous]

No I would not pay for a destination wedding. If the adults feel like going they can take time off work and pay their own way. Bet they will choose to do something else with their time and money.

[Anonymous]

This is different but maybe still applicable. My BIL is terminally ill. He and my sister and their kids live 1500 miles away. Our kids are close but All my kids are adults and theirs are in college.
When he dies DH and I will attend the funeral. I will get a big Airbnb and any kid of mine can stay provided they purchase their own plane ticket. I’ll rent as many cars as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is different but maybe still applicable. My BIL is terminally ill. He and my sister and their kids live 1500 miles away. Our kids are close but All my kids are adults and theirs are in college.
When he dies DH and I will attend the funeral. I will get a big Airbnb and any kid of mine can stay provided they purchase their own plane ticket. I’ll rent as many cars as needed.

That is fine as long as you don’t start hovering those who can’t attend. This is the key. Adults get to decide what they attend and where. It is none of your business if they choose not to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it and they are starting out, why are you holding back? What lesson do you think you are sending?

Agree. Just pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the abstract, I'm opposed to paying for a vacation for a kid in their late twenties. However, I'm close with my nieces and nephews, and there are only a few, so I imagine I'd pay for my kids to attend their destination wedding when the time comes. Spending money on quality family time and supporting my siblings, nieces, and nephews makes sense. I would never pay for my kids to do a friend trip, but for a family trip to support my nieces and nephews, yes.

I am so grateful my parents and inlaws paid for us to take vacations with them. We would not have had any vacations in our twenties otherwise. Many of our loved ones are gone now and I'm so glad to have spent that time with them and have those memories. I would pay for my kids because I would want them to come to a family wedding.

[Anonymous]

As an only child with my parents only grandchildren.They offer to pay for everything.


I would have paid my own way to our cousins destination wedding though.