pay for adult kids to attend destination wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d pay for my kids, especially if you’re also going to be there and will spend time with them.

If you opt not to pay, you can’t criticize them if they choose not to go.

This. Don’t be surprised if the kids prefer to spend their money on other things rather than spending thousands to give an entitled extended family member their dream wedding.

[Anonymous]

I’d pay. I am closer to your kids age than yours but I very much value all the time I can get w my parents. If you feel like they should pay something, maybe offer to cover the more expensive between the flight or hotel and have the kids pick up the other cost? Maybe you fly in a day early and do core family time before everyone else flys in for the wedding events?

[Anonymous]

If I could afford to cover it, I'd cover it. Why not?

[Anonymous]

They are adults and should be paying their own way.

[Anonymous]

Why aren't the kids already set up to do well financially at that age? I wouldn't even have to ask my kids if they have money. I would know that they do.
I set my kids up financially, but not like handing money, but to teach them to invest and be financially responsible with their own money since elementary shcool.
18 - year old just went to beach with his friends and saved up for it.
In late 20s, they will be treating me.

[Anonymous]

I would offer to pay if it doesn't make a difference to your financial circumstances. My parents stopped paying for things like this once I was out of graduate school, but I know plenty of families where the parents pay for that kind of stuff indefinitely. I think it's kind of sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

I agree. It’s also as if people don’t read the posts. OP said her kids are close to their cousin and are planning to attend. So neither OP nor her kids have complained at all about it being a destination wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had assumed we'd be paying for our adult kids to attend my nephew's destination wedding in the Caribbean, but then it occurred to me that as employed adults in their late 20s who are close to their cousin and want to attend (i.e., not being forced in any way), they should pay their own way.

Technically we can afford to cover them, but we already treat them to nice travel and give other help when needed. They can technically afford it, but it definitely will eat into their expenses. WWYD?

There is no "should" in this scenario. You can offer to pay for them if you want to or because you really want them to attend and you think they may not if they have to pay for themselves. Just do what seems best to you. There are no rules you need to follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I could afford to cover it, I'd cover it. Why not?

+ 1
At least I would ask all of them in a conf call if they want us to pay partly/totally.

"Hey, are you guys attending/want to attend? Do you want us to pay for anything? Airfare/hotel or both?"

There would not be any pressure on them to attend but this would be like a mini reunion for all of us. My kids love weddings.

Now, they are also aware that we are older people who have worked hard in average careers to give them a good life. We are not made of money. If they have any way to swing for all or part of the trip, they would do it.

[Anonymous]

I’m 53. There is finally plenty of money to go around. I used to think that when my kids were adults, of course they should take care of themselves. Now I think it’s theirs anyway—I can’t take it with me and I’d rather spend time with the kids than not. I’d also like them to enjoy their life. I worked hard to get where I am. I instilled those values in the kids and I see that they are responsible with their money. So I pay. It doesn’t impact my life but it would impact their monthly budget.

[Anonymous]

I'd pay if you can afford it. If you can cover lodging, then offer to pay for that and have them pay for flights.

We pay for adult kids if they are joining us on vacation, which has included destination weddings.

BUT that does mean our trip might be planned accordingly- if we are paying airfare/lodging for another 2-3 adults then we probably won't do a trip to Europe in peak season.

[Anonymous]

If it's a family wedding, I pay for flight and lodging.

I don't discuss it with them, we have a huge family and it's set.. I will pay for flight and lodging.

[Anonymous]

My sister moved to Japan and ended up getting married there. My parents paid for our flights. We were newlyweds in our 20s trying to buy a house and they wanted us there without stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would offer to pay if it doesn't make a difference to your financial circumstances. My parents stopped paying for things like this once I was out of graduate school, but I know plenty of families where the parents pay for that kind of stuff indefinitely. I think it's kind of sweet.

+1 my parents paid for a lot of our joint vacations until I got married. I could have paid, I was a big law associate. But it was a nice thing and is my dad's style. We took a lot of great trips together.

We are still close and they have joined us on some vacations with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

My kids would never ask, even though their income is a fraction of ours.

We'd offer to pay.