pay for adult kids to attend destination wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 53. There is finally plenty of money to go around. I used to think that when my kids were adults, of course they should take care of themselves. Now I think it’s theirs anyway—I can’t take it with me and I’d rather spend time with the kids than not. I’d also like them to enjoy their life. I worked hard to get where I am. I instilled those values in the kids and I see that they are responsible with their money. So I pay. It doesn’t impact my life but it would impact their monthly budget.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

My kids would never ask, even though their income is a fraction of ours.

We'd offer to pay.

+1
Parents are happy when kids are thoughtful, not entitled and not greedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d pay for my kids, especially if you’re also going to be there and will spend time with them.

If you opt not to pay, you can’t criticize them if they choose not to go.

This. Don’t be surprised if the kids prefer to spend their money on other things rather than spending thousands to give an entitled extended family member their dream wedding.

This doesn’t apply to OP’s situation, but you do realize that even if you offer to pay, you still don’t get to criticize the people who don’t want to go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

Disagree with this if it means you end up paying for some but not all of your kids.

[Anonymous]

Why does it matter what other people do? We would pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Offer to pay only if they want to/are able to attend. If they decline the offer, drop it and myob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

My kids would never ask, even though their income is a fraction of ours.

We'd offer to pay.

+1
Parents are happy when kids are thoughtful, not entitled and not greedy.

Asking for help isn’t entitled.

Dangling money over an adult child and making demands (attend this wedding or else!) is greedy and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

My kids would never ask, even though their income is a fraction of ours.

We'd offer to pay.

+1
Parents are happy when kids are thoughtful, not entitled and not greedy.

I don't think parents are responsible for all of their kids' bad behavior, but I will say that the entitled or greedy people I know seem to be products of their own upbringing...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

My kids would never ask, even though their income is a fraction of ours.

We'd offer to pay.

+1
Parents are happy when kids are thoughtful, not entitled and not greedy.

Asking for help isn’t entitled.

Dangling money over an adult child and making demands (attend this wedding or else!) is greedy and entitled.

Eh, I'm a person who's parents offer to pay for flights (and who often takes them up on it) and I would NEVER ask them to pay for something if there was any way I could swing it. It's not how my family is wired - a kid asking for money is seen as need/desperation but parents offering (whether or not the kids could otherwise afford it) is smoothing the path for the family to be together. Offering to pay for a flight isn't a summons, though, and we can always say no.

[Anonymous]

Gee OP not only should you not pay, you must start demanding that they pay for your expenses! Since they are treating you, they must spend every second at your feet lest you need anything! After all it’s your turn! You should be pampered and put on a big pedestal! You are a princess now. If they try to weasel out, simple run to those boxes of receipts in the basement and figure out every penny you spent on family vacations over the year. Pout, manipulate, demand and then cycle repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gee OP not only should you not pay, you must start demanding that they pay for your expenses! Since they are treating you, they must spend every second at your feet lest you need anything! After all it’s your turn! You should be pampered and put on a big pedestal! You are a princess now. If they try to weasel out, simple run to those boxes of receipts in the basement and figure out every penny you spent on family vacations over the year. Pout, manipulate, demand and then cycle repeat.

Person from dysfunctional family is triggered now...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it and they are starting out, why are you holding back? What lesson do you think you are sending?

This 1000%!

you are not "holding your kid back" if you pay for vacations. As long as the kid is financially sound (I'm not paying if they are not saving/living within their means)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

My kids would never ask, even though their income is a fraction of ours.

We'd offer to pay.

+1
Parents are happy when kids are thoughtful, not entitled and not greedy.

Asking for help isn’t entitled.

Dangling money over an adult child and making demands (attend this wedding or else!) is greedy and entitled.

Eh, I'm a person who's parents offer to pay for flights (and who often takes them up on it) and I would NEVER ask them to pay for something if there was any way I could swing it. It's not how my family is wired - a kid asking for money is seen as need/desperation but parents offering (whether or not the kids could otherwise afford it) is smoothing the path for the family to be together. Offering to pay for a flight isn't a summons, though, and we can always say no.

My family is the same. Asking for money would make my parents feel like they failed. Instead, they will leave behind a $20m+ estate, much of it going to charity. But all of us kids are doing well on our own, and we all treat our parents when we go to dinner now. It's a source of pride for them that we can. They paid for our school-related expenses - law, medical, flight, etc. Not cheap, and starting out in high-paying careers with no debt is a huge advantage for which we are all grateful.

They never paid for big trips like weddings, and I have a close relationship with them and lots of gratitude for what they did do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't the kids already set up to do well financially at that age? I wouldn't even have to ask my kids if they have money. I would know that they do.
I set my kids up financially, but not like handing money, but to teach them to invest and be financially responsible with their own money since elementary shcool.
18 - year old just went to beach with his friends and saved up for it.
In late 20s, they will be treating me.

umm most 28-30 yo are just starting out, and might still be saving for a house, budgeting for one vacation a year, and might not have $3-4K in the budget for a destination wedding. Doesn't mean they are not doing well financially. If anything, the ones who say "no" might be the most fiscally soudn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't the kids already set up to do well financially at that age? I wouldn't even have to ask my kids if they have money. I would know that they do.
I set my kids up financially, but not like handing money, but to teach them to invest and be financially responsible with their own money since elementary shcool.
18 - year old just went to beach with his friends and saved up for it.
In late 20s, they will be treating me.

Going to let alone treating your parents to an expensive Caribbean destination wedding resort and trip is the complete opposite of being financially responsible! I think some of the older ladies have no comprehension on how expenses have increased for people in their late 20s. They do not understand how expensive housing costs, what used cars cost, cellular plans, etc.