pay for adult kids to attend destination wedding?

[Anonymous]

I had assumed we'd be paying for our adult kids to attend my nephew's destination wedding in the Caribbean, but then it occurred to me that as employed adults in their late 20s who are close to their cousin and want to attend (i.e., not being forced in any way), they should pay their own way.

Technically we can afford to cover them, but we already treat them to nice travel and give other help when needed. They can technically afford it, but it definitely will eat into their expenses. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

It's not up to you to say what any other person can afford. WWYD? I would mind my own business and treat them as adults because they are adults, and their relationship to their extended family is not yours to manage. When people have destination weddings, they have to accept that others may not attend.

Consider whether they actually want to or are just telling you what you want to hear. And sometimes it's more about the number of vacation days than the cost of the trip.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it and they are starting out, why are you holding back? What lesson do you think you are sending?

[Anonymous]

LOL, OP. Really? This is entirely up to you and depends entirely on your finances, your relationship to your kids, and whether they're spoiled brats.

We're well off and our adult kids have good jobs and plenty of money themselves. We recently went to a fabulous destination wedding in Europe. We covered everything for our adult kids except their airfare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not up to you to say what any other person can afford. WWYD? I would mind my own business and treat them as adults because they are adults, and their relationship to their extended family is not yours to manage. When people have destination weddings, they have to accept that others may not attend.

Consider whether they actually want to or are just telling you what you want to hear. And sometimes it's more about the number of vacation days than the cost of the trip.

You're just one of those scrooges who irrationally gets all worked up at the mere mention of "destination" weddings. You don't want the OP to pay because you're hoping the kids won't go and will stick it to the bride and groom. So ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

50% You
50% Adult Children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not up to you to say what any other person can afford. WWYD? I would mind my own business and treat them as adults because they are adults, and their relationship to their extended family is not yours to manage. When people have destination weddings, they have to accept that others may not attend.

Consider whether they actually want to or are just telling you what you want to hear. And sometimes it's more about the number of vacation days than the cost of the trip.

You're just one of those scrooges who irrationally gets all worked up at the mere mention of "destination" weddings. You don't want the OP to pay because you're hoping the kids won't go and will stick it to the bride and groom. So ridiculous.

No, I'm trying to tell OP that their attendance is not obligatory or expected.

OP needs to let her adults be adults and make their own choices.

[Anonymous]

Since it’s a family event, I’d help them out especially if it’s not impacting you financially.

Why not? You will enjoy them being there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not up to you to say what any other person can afford. WWYD? I would mind my own business and treat them as adults because they are adults, and their relationship to their extended family is not yours to manage. When people have destination weddings, they have to accept that others may not attend.

Consider whether they actually want to or are just telling you what you want to hear. And sometimes it's more about the number of vacation days than the cost of the trip.

You're just one of those scrooges who irrationally gets all worked up at the mere mention of "destination" weddings. You don't want the OP to pay because you're hoping the kids won't go and will stick it to the bride and groom. So ridiculous.

No, I'm trying to tell OP that their attendance is not obligatory or expected.

OP needs to let her adults be adults and make their own choices.

Uh huh. If that were truly your intent then you could have easily made the identical point without throwing in this sentence: "When people have destination weddings, they have to accept that others may not attend." It's entirely superfluous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not up to you to say what any other person can afford. WWYD? I would mind my own business and treat them as adults because they are adults, and their relationship to their extended family is not yours to manage. When people have destination weddings, they have to accept that others may not attend.

Consider whether they actually want to or are just telling you what you want to hear. And sometimes it's more about the number of vacation days than the cost of the trip.

You're just one of those scrooges who irrationally gets all worked up at the mere mention of "destination" weddings. You don't want the OP to pay because you're hoping the kids won't go and will stick it to the bride and groom. So ridiculous.

Mommy issues, you haz.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my mid-40s and financially comfortable. My parents (also financially comfortable) sometimes offer to pay for our flights/lodging when we travel to visit them or go on family-oriented trips. It's their way of saying that they value us making the effort to be there, and I appreciate the offer.

It doesn't make a ton of difference to our material circumstances, but also makes it slightly easier to say "yes" to the trip when we don't have to go $3k out of pocket to make it.

[Anonymous]

I’d pay for my kids, especially if you’re also going to be there and will spend time with them.

If you opt not to pay, you can’t criticize them if they choose not to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not up to you to say what any other person can afford. WWYD? I would mind my own business and treat them as adults because they are adults, and their relationship to their extended family is not yours to manage. When people have destination weddings, they have to accept that others may not attend.

Consider whether they actually want to or are just telling you what you want to hear. And sometimes it's more about the number of vacation days than the cost of the trip.

You're just one of those scrooges who irrationally gets all worked up at the mere mention of "destination" weddings. You don't want the OP to pay because you're hoping the kids won't go and will stick it to the bride and groom. So ridiculous.

Mommy issues, you haz.

Nah. My issue is with scrooges.

[Anonymous]

The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

+1