pay for adult kids to attend destination wedding?

[Anonymous]

For an expensive family related event I’d certainly help - just send the money to help cover expenses don’t make a big thing out of it

[Anonymous]

My mom is 82. All of her three children are senior citizens. She still facilitates for us to have connections with all the relatives and each other. And that is one of the key ways that she remains beloved and relevant to everyone.

Relationships flourish when we put effort in it. Why should anyone be bean counting? This is family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had assumed we'd be paying for our adult kids to attend my nephew's destination wedding in the Caribbean, but then it occurred to me that as employed adults in their late 20s who are close to their cousin and want to attend (i.e., not being forced in any way), they should pay their own way.

Technically we can afford to cover them, but we already treat them to nice travel and give other help when needed. They can technically afford it, but it definitely will eat into their expenses. WWYD?

Why did this thought come to you? Think about it.

[Anonymous]

White people. lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s a family event, I’d help them out especially if it’s not impacting you financially.

Why not? You will enjoy them being there.

This. If I could afford it, I’d pay for my adult kid’s rooms and have them arrange their own flights. You want the family time to be enjoyable, and this will help.

But obviously if it’s a stretch for you, don’t do it. But also you have to respect that someone might not come if they have other events this year they might want to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d pay for my kids, especially if you’re also going to be there and will spend time with them.

If you opt not to pay, you can’t criticize them if they choose not to go.

This. Don’t be surprised if the kids prefer to spend their money on other things rather than spending thousands to give an entitled extended family member their dream wedding.

Ha ha another Scrooge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White people. lol.

Black and brown people have destination weddings all the time.

Racist much?

[Anonymous]

Any trip my kids come on with me, I’ll pay. If it’s not a financial issue, I don’t see why not. In my book, this is totally different from paying for rent etc. It’s just a nice thing to go and I want to make it as easy for them to travel with us as possible.

[Anonymous]

Your own biological kids? Or step-children? Or adopted kids?

Marriage still intact?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Whew. Some of these responses are indeed wild. Thanks to all for weighing in. I'm sure we'll end up paying to make it a seamless family experience, although I was curious to what others would do. Now I know, for better or worse.

There is no right or wrong here. Offer if you want. They might not even want to come at those ages.

Now that we are all adults, my parents still try to buy our tickets and pay for accommodations to events like this. For the last wedding, my sister paid for their trip instead and did without asking. I took care of a different trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people. lol.

Black and brown people have destination weddings all the time.

Racist much?

Yeah. But, White people get butt hurt when they have to pay for anyone but themselves. The narrow mindedness and the tiny hearts - that is Blanco!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people. lol.

Black and brown people have destination weddings all the time.

Racist much?

Yeah. But, White people get butt hurt when they have to pay for anyone but themselves. The narrow mindedness and the tiny hearts - that is Blanco!!

Lol it’s true. And DCUM gets all worked up over destination weddings and expensive weddings because their own weddings sucked and they and they and their parents are cheap AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you know you’ll be leaving them an inheritance, this is a way of giving them some of that inheritance sooner. If they make six-figure salaries and you think it’s better for them to pay their own way, that’s different than if they make $50k/year.

Either way, if you will be leaving a large inheritance, why not give it earlier in smaller ways, so they can enjoy it with you around? Up to each person, but that is what we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would offer to pay if it doesn't make a difference to your financial circumstances. My parents stopped paying for things like this once I was out of graduate school, but I know plenty of families where the parents pay for that kind of stuff indefinitely. I think it's kind of sweet.

It's generous but not "sweet". You are basically funding your adult child's vacations. You are forever a "child" in their minds. At some point, parents need to cut the tether, even for vacations.

I can understand if parents want a family vacation, and the adult kids can't afford it, but if the adult child can afford it and wants to go to a family wedding, then why would the parents pay for that? Sure, the parents can afford it, but so can the adult kids, albeit not as easily.

When do you officially cut the chord for everything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would offer to pay if it doesn't make a difference to your financial circumstances. My parents stopped paying for things like this once I was out of graduate school, but I know plenty of families where the parents pay for that kind of stuff indefinitely. I think it's kind of sweet.

It's generous but not "sweet". You are basically funding your adult child's vacations. You are forever a "child" in their minds. At some point, parents need to cut the tether, even for vacations.

I can understand if parents want a family vacation, and the adult kids can't afford it, but if the adult child can afford it and wants to go to a family wedding, then why would the parents pay for that? Sure, the parents can afford it, but so can the adult kids, albeit not as easily.

When do you officially cut the chord for everything?

Cord. Not "chord".

Why? Why does the cord needs to be cut at all? Why should you not give to your biological family if you like them and they are nice people?

Cord gets cut anyways when you die. Then all you can give is an inheritance.