Parent letting child use our pool toys

[Anonymous]

OP should have encouraged the kids to throw the toys for each other then go read a magazine and "supervise."

Grandpa probably had no clue why he was even being asked to intervene in all this. If he even heard everything correctly.

[Anonymous]

I agree the other child should not have ignored OP’s no but I also think she’s a little ridiculous. I love at the pool everyone is a new friend. We always bring toys and my husband and I are both “play in the pool” parents so yeah other kids want to join in! I have had very similar situations and handled it by asking the other child to make sure both kids could get some diving toys and/or saying hey this one’s for Larla and this one’s for you depending on how old they were. The person who said she wanted your attention was very likely right. 95 percent of the time it’s the kids with completely checked out parents who are all over games with an adult. Why not take the chance to demonstrate the right way to play?

Also at our pool the unspoken rule is if you aren’t playing with a toy it’s up for grabs. You just ask for it back before you leave.

[Anonymous]

70% of DCUM have no social skills. Share if you want. If you don’t, say, “I’m sorry. We’re practicing. If you’d like dive toys, there are some over there.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s annoying. People are so entitled and know that you’ll say yes, because saying no would make you look like the pool jerk. There is no winning with people like that.

If you don’t care whether this type of person causes a scene if you say no, you’re totally within your rights to say, “Sorry. These are for my children to enjoy.”

I know, I thought by saying “these are our personal toys” and showing the child where the community toys were that they would get the hint, but I guess not. I am moreso bothered that the adult in charge wasn’t embarrassed by this child’s utter lack of manners. Like it is so shameful to demand your parent ask for someone else’s things after that person has told you no already.

Kid don't get hints -- they're learning what's acceptable and not acceptable. You should have told the grandfather that they were not toys -- they were being used for diving exercises for your own child.

You need to develop a backbone -- you will feel terribly guilty if you continue letting people walk all over your child because you don't have the nerve to speak up, or the skills to speak up while remaining kind and civil. It's important and will continue to be important the more aware your child is of this dynamic -- that you don't have the courage to speak up for them.

I do think there are times when parents need to stand up for their kids, but in this case all that happened was OP shared one of the many dive toys that she brought. I don't see how her kid was harmed. Maybe the interaction was annoying, but it seems minor in the grand scheme of things.

My kids know not to bring anything to the park or pool unless they are prepared to share. If someone tries to take something out of their hand, of course I intervene or teach them to stand up for themselves. But if they brought a bunch of pool and sand toys, they know they should share the ones they aren't using. And they also know people usually share with them too. Maybe this kid comes from a family with rules more like that.

As a final point, I also think Grandpa didn't fully grasp the situation and let's be honest, most grandparents don't like to "parent" their grandkids. They already did that. I would let grandpa off the hook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM example #28 of why the the best money I ever spent was putting in a pool.

This is the saddest comment on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“We brought these from home and are using all of them right now, but there are toys you can play with over there.”

Grandpa might not know the ins and outs of the semi-complex toy rules at your pool.

+1

[Anonymous]

Sheesh, you had a bunch of toys and said no to a kid asking if you would share in front of your own child? Not great modeling. Maybe Grandpa should have acted differently (but he's a grandparent) but you deF should have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: and this week a kid at my children’s summer camp lost his mind when a teacher dared to tell him “no” to an activity, and started shouting and throwing toys and other children’s lunch boxes around. The teacher got upset and called the parent and the mom chewed her out, shouting about how she should have better control of the kids. And the camp fired the teacher for it! I’m just so sick of terrible parents indulging their misbehaving children and the rest of us have to suffer because children have become some protected-status of brats.

Ok this is a totally different situation than the pool example you posted, and you don't have all the details. You have no idea if the teacher was supposed to call the mom rather than escalate to a supervisor, and/or what the teacher said in the heat of the moment to that (clearly unreasonable) parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree the other child should not have ignored OP’s no but I also think she’s a little ridiculous. I love at the pool everyone is a new friend. We always bring toys and my husband and I are both “play in the pool” parents so yeah other kids want to join in! I have had very similar situations and handled it by asking the other child to make sure both kids could get some diving toys and/or saying hey this one’s for Larla and this one’s for you depending on how old they were. The person who said she wanted your attention was very likely right. 95 percent of the time it’s the kids with completely checked out parents who are all over games with an adult. Why not take the chance to demonstrate the right way to play?

Also at our pool the unspoken rule is if you aren’t playing with a toy it’s up for grabs. You just ask for it back before you leave.

Where does an unspoken rule like this come from? Seriously question. Why isn't the unspoken rule "if it's not yours, don't mess with it?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree the other child should not have ignored OP’s no but I also think she’s a little ridiculous. I love at the pool everyone is a new friend. We always bring toys and my husband and I are both “play in the pool” parents so yeah other kids want to join in! I have had very similar situations and handled it by asking the other child to make sure both kids could get some diving toys and/or saying hey this one’s for Larla and this one’s for you depending on how old they were. The person who said she wanted your attention was very likely right. 95 percent of the time it’s the kids with completely checked out parents who are all over games with an adult. Why not take the chance to demonstrate the right way to play?

Also at our pool the unspoken rule is if you aren’t playing with a toy it’s up for grabs. You just ask for it back before you leave.

Where does an unspoken rule like this come from? Seriously question. Why isn't the unspoken rule "if it's not yours, don't mess with it?"

DP. If my young kids are at the kiddie pool
and your kids have scattered dozens of toys all around, I am not policing my kid. And I don't expect you to police your kid if mine has left their toys around a community pool. Leave all that stuff at home if you can't share some of it.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thought it was cute that the girl would bring the toy back to the OP? If she had run off with the toy, I'd find it obnoxious, but I think this could have been an opportunity to have an unofficial pool playdate.

I also think this whole problem has to do with bringing your own personal toys to a community pool. I feel like these issues are bound to happen as a result, and like someone else said, it ends up fostering jealousy *shrug*

[Anonymous]

How old are these kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a great "community" pool.

Where I grew up, people weren't allowed to bring any personal crap to the pool. The pool had a stack of kickbacks and we had to wait until someone gave it up to get one.

To me, taking cool personal toys to a community pool where there are lots of little kids is a recipe for jealousy.

It was nice that you shared. But you could have set boundaries if you wanted to. And you can train your daughter on how to share and self-advocate.

This is kind of a nothingburger incident to people who are very okay with sharing.

This. I think it was a bit bizarre of the grandpa not to try to say no to his granddaughter. But even if he had, I would have expected it to be difficult. I tell my kids that if they bring toys to public spaces they are for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree the other child should not have ignored OP’s no but I also think she’s a little ridiculous. I love at the pool everyone is a new friend. We always bring toys and my husband and I are both “play in the pool” parents so yeah other kids want to join in! I have had very similar situations and handled it by asking the other child to make sure both kids could get some diving toys and/or saying hey this one’s for Larla and this one’s for you depending on how old they were. The person who said she wanted your attention was very likely right. 95 percent of the time it’s the kids with completely checked out parents who are all over games with an adult. Why not take the chance to demonstrate the right way to play?

Also at our pool the unspoken rule is if you aren’t playing with a toy it’s up for grabs. You just ask for it back before you leave.

Where does an unspoken rule like this come from? Seriously question. Why isn't the unspoken rule "if it's not yours, don't mess with it?"

DP. If my young kids are at the kiddie pool
and your kids have scattered dozens of toys all around, I am not policing my kid. And I don't expect you to police your kid if mine has left their toys around a community pool. Leave all that stuff at home if you can't share some of it.

I don't take anything I'd be devastated to lose to the pool because I figure things can get lost in the shuffle, mixed up, or forgotten. But I also don't think just because I'd be okay if a toy got lost that it follows that others should knowingly take it.

If my kid picks up someone else's water gun, I ask them if they know whose it is and if they've asked to borrow it and if they didn't ask, they stop playing with it or ask now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our community pool has a variety of pool toys (diving rings, noodles, etc). They also allow patrons to bring their own toys, as long as they conform to the rules (no floating devices). We bring our own diving toys so that my child can practice.

A child at the pool kept diving for our pool toys before mine could reach them. She would bring them to me and as soon as I threw them for my own child, she would retrieve them again. My child looked at me like “what am I supposed to do?” so I told this stranger’s child “oh these are actually our personal toys, but there are some pool toys over there”, and directed her away. She went to her grandfather and said “can I use those?” at my child’s toys and then asked me “can I borrow one?” Grandfather smiled at me and said “it would be so nice”, so I just handed her one of the toys and let my child use the rest. She played with her grandfather for a while and I was just annoyed

Why can’t people just say no to their kids anymore? Like what happened to normal manners? I must be in a mood, but I wanted to tell this guy, dude, your grandchild is frickin obnoxious and you need to learn to say no to her.

This is even worse than someone peeing outside!