Parent letting child use our pool toys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our community pool has a variety of pool toys (diving rings, noodles, etc). They also allow patrons to bring their own toys, as long as they conform to the rules (no floating devices). We bring our own diving toys so that my child can practice.

A child at the pool kept diving for our pool toys before mine could reach them. She would bring them to me and as soon as I threw them for my own child, she would retrieve them again. My child looked at me like “what am I supposed to do?” so I told this stranger’s child “oh these are actually our personal toys, but there are some pool toys over there”, and directed her away. She went to her grandfather and said “can I use those?” at my child’s toys and then asked me “can I borrow one?” Grandfather smiled at me and said “it would be so nice”, so I just handed her one of the toys and let my child use the rest. She played with her grandfather for a while and I was just annoyed

Why can’t people just say no to their kids anymore? Like what happened to normal manners? I must be in a mood, but I wanted to tell this guy, dude, your grandchild is frickin obnoxious and you need to learn to say no to her.

I would take this complaint more seriously if you had said no to the grandfather. You can't really be bothered that other adults refuse to take a stand in a story where you . . . didn't take a stand.

I find it annoying to keep track of our toys at communal pools so I usually only pull out a few, but I find the way kids are so ready to play with each other to be one of the best elements of the pool so it doesn't bother me when kids play with them. When your kid looks at you like "what do I do" tell her to get there first. Or throw two, in different directions, so the faster girl can only get to one! It's just the finding them all when it's time to go that is a PITA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s annoying. People are so entitled and know that you’ll say yes, because saying no would make you look like the pool jerk. There is no winning with people like that.

If you don’t care whether this type of person causes a scene if you say no, you’re totally within your rights to say, “Sorry. These are for my children to enjoy.”

I know, I thought by saying “these are our personal toys” and showing the child where the community toys were that they would get the hint, but I guess not. I am moreso bothered that the adult in charge wasn’t embarrassed by this child’s utter lack of manners. Like it is so shameful to demand your parent ask for someone else’s things after that person has told you no already.

Ooh, you seem to have grown up with a load of shame and guilt, OP. You need to fix that because it's unhealthy, and understand that few people live their lives in that way. There should NOT be shame in normal social interactions (and this was a normal social interaction). The kid just didn't understand you clearly, and therefore sought clarification from their relative. If you don't want to share, next time start your sentence with a clear NO, and then follow up with "and there are toys over there". If a relative says it's OK, you can continue to say NO clearly and point to the alternative.

There are many cultural differences in saying yes and no. I'm Japanese: in Japan, it's impolite to reply to a request with a direct no, and kids are trained to understand nuance when they ask for something. But I've lived in some countries where the opposite is the case, and people need to hear a no, otherwise they understand yes. Additionally, each family is different. So you shouldn't feel uncomfortable if you are faced with someone who doesn't understand what you're saying. Say it a different way, more clearly.

But it *is* shameful to allow your child to demand other people’s things and then insist you override a stranger’s polite refusal to give them to her. I’m not even bothered by the toys (I literally don’t care, they are like dollar store items); I am bothered by fact that incompetent adults stand around indulging their children in behaviors that would have been considered egregiously rude in my childhood. And that those adults feel no shame about how obnoxious their children appear to others.

She wasn't demanding your things, or she wouldn't have brought them back to you after retrieving them. She was trying to join in a game you were playing with your kid, and your reaction is really over the top. You're literally demonizing a kid here for . . . diving after a sinky that an adult threw in a community pool. Take a breath, seriously.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry my kid wants all her toys

[Anonymous]

Why are you bringing and dumping in so many toys to the pool that you have extras? Use them one at a time and keep the rest in your bag, out of sight. Obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why couldn't you just say: oh sorry these are my kids toys. The communal toys are over there, thanks byeeeeee!

I did! But the child went to her grandfather to ask *him* to borrow them. He just smiled at me and was like bashful, shrug kids-am-I-right?. So I was then put in a position to say no to a man twice my age and I literally just felt embarrassed for both of us so I handed her a toy.

Do you realize that Grandpa probably did not understand the nuances of the toy rules at the pool? He heard his granddaughter politely ask him to use something, and then he politely asked you. He was probably not "embarrassed by this child’s utter lack of manners" because he probably only understood the part of the interaction that involved the child actually having manners.

I'm 40 something years old and I participate in a weekly activity with women in their 60s and one who is 83. Sometimes it blows my mind and I get so frustrated when they seem to have entirely missed conversations they were present for or hugely misunderstand certain interactions. I have to stop and realize, they just don't process things like I do anymore. They are not as observant about every detail around them; they don't hear as well as I do.

Sure, the child was bratty, but have some grace for grandpa just doing his best.

[Anonymous]

Do the community toys include very similar diving toys as the ones you brought to the pool, or are yours very different in function/form?

Are you always so ungenerous with children in your community?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s annoying. People are so entitled and know that you’ll say yes, because saying no would make you look like the pool jerk. There is no winning with people like that.

If you don’t care whether this type of person causes a scene if you say no, you’re totally within your rights to say, “Sorry. These are for my children to enjoy.”

I know, I thought by saying “these are our personal toys” and showing the child where the community toys were that they would get the hint, but I guess not. I am moreso bothered that the adult in charge wasn’t embarrassed by this child’s utter lack of manners. Like it is so shameful to demand your parent ask for someone else’s things after that person has told you no already.

Ooh, you seem to have grown up with a load of shame and guilt, OP. You need to fix that because it's unhealthy, and understand that few people live their lives in that way. There should NOT be shame in normal social interactions (and this was a normal social interaction). The kid just didn't understand you clearly, and therefore sought clarification from their relative. If you don't want to share, next time start your sentence with a clear NO, and then follow up with "and there are toys over there". If a relative says it's OK, you can continue to say NO clearly and point to the alternative.

There are many cultural differences in saying yes and no. I'm Japanese: in Japan, it's impolite to reply to a request with a direct no, and kids are trained to understand nuance when they ask for something. But I've lived in some countries where the opposite is the case, and people need to hear a no, otherwise they understand yes. Additionally, each family is different. So you shouldn't feel uncomfortable if you are faced with someone who doesn't understand what you're saying. Say it a different way, more clearly.

But it *is* shameful to allow your child to demand other people’s things and then insist you override a stranger’s polite refusal to give them to her. I’m not even bothered by the toys (I literally don’t care, they are like dollar store items); I am bothered by fact that incompetent adults stand around indulging their children in behaviors that would have been considered egregiously rude in my childhood. And that those adults feel no shame about how obnoxious their children appear to others.

She wasn't demanding your things, or she wouldn't have brought them back to you after retrieving them. She was trying to join in a game you were playing with your kid, and your reaction is really over the top. You're literally demonizing a kid here for . . . diving after a sinky that an adult threw in a community pool. Take a breath, seriously.

^ THIS!

[Anonymous]

Women in their 60s see what’s going on just fine. They just don’t care about this kind of petty shyte anymore. You and OP will get there one day if you’re lucky.

[Anonymous]

OP: and this week a kid at my children’s summer camp lost his mind when a teacher dared to tell him “no” to an activity, and started shouting and throwing toys and other children’s lunch boxes around. The teacher got upset and called the parent and the mom chewed her out, shouting about how she should have better control of the kids. And the camp fired the teacher for it! I’m just so sick of terrible parents indulging their misbehaving children and the rest of us have to suffer because children have become some protected-status of brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: and this week a kid at my children’s summer camp lost his mind when a teacher dared to tell him “no” to an activity, and started shouting and throwing toys and other children’s lunch boxes around. The teacher got upset and called the parent and the mom chewed her out, shouting about how she should have better control of the kids. And the camp fired the teacher for it! I’m just so sick of terrible parents indulging their misbehaving children and the rest of us have to suffer because children have become some protected-status of brats.

If kids are brats these days, the first thing we should do is teach them to share. Right?

[Anonymous]

As someone said, there is no winning (or telling no) to the “it would be so kind/nice” type.

Similar situation with pretend food sand toys my child was happily enjoying. She was using them all because they made an little ice cream cones out of sand. We had two and I was playing with her, so when another little girl came up and asked if she could play with one, I explained—in dad’s earshot—that, sorry, but we were playing with them now.

The dad got so threatened by that that he proceeded to tell every kid or parent who walked by us for a good five minutes that THOSE TOYS ARE THEIRS, BE CAREFUL, THOSE TOYS ARE THEIRS. Like, grow up? Or maybe we can swap toys. Can I borrow your car keys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s annoying. People are so entitled and know that you’ll say yes, because saying no would make you look like the pool jerk. There is no winning with people like that.

If you don’t care whether this type of person causes a scene if you say no, you’re totally within your rights to say, “Sorry. These are for my children to enjoy.”

I know, I thought by saying “these are our personal toys” and showing the child where the community toys were that they would get the hint, but I guess not. I am moreso bothered that the adult in charge wasn’t embarrassed by this child’s utter lack of manners. Like it is so shameful to demand your parent ask for someone else’s things after that person has told you no already.

Ooh, you seem to have grown up with a load of shame and guilt, OP. You need to fix that because it's unhealthy, and understand that few people live their lives in that way. There should NOT be shame in normal social interactions (and this was a normal social interaction). The kid just didn't understand you clearly, and therefore sought clarification from their relative. If you don't want to share, next time start your sentence with a clear NO, and then follow up with "and there are toys over there". If a relative says it's OK, you can continue to say NO clearly and point to the alternative.

There are many cultural differences in saying yes and no. I'm Japanese: in Japan, it's impolite to reply to a request with a direct no, and kids are trained to understand nuance when they ask for something. But I've lived in some countries where the opposite is the case, and people need to hear a no, otherwise they understand yes. Additionally, each family is different. So you shouldn't feel uncomfortable if you are faced with someone who doesn't understand what you're saying. Say it a different way, more clearly.

But it *is* shameful to allow your child to demand other people’s things and then insist you override a stranger’s polite refusal to give them to her. I’m not even bothered by the toys (I literally don’t care, they are like dollar store items); I am bothered by fact that incompetent adults stand around indulging their children in behaviors that would have been considered egregiously rude in my childhood. And that those adults feel no shame about how obnoxious their children appear to others.

She wasn't demanding your things, or she wouldn't have brought them back to you after retrieving them. She was trying to join in a game you were playing with your kid, and your reaction is really over the top. You're literally demonizing a kid here for . . . diving after a sinky that an adult threw in a community pool. Take a breath, seriously.

If she were “joining in a game” she would have actually allowed my kid to retrieve the toy occasionally, but no, she wanted these toys and just helped herself to them. I’m over it. I no longer have any sympathy. I’m tired of teaching my kids to be kind, polite, honest and generous when I am witnessing obnoxious kids ruling their households and commanding their parents like subjects in a little child-centric kingdom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s annoying. People are so entitled and know that you’ll say yes, because saying no would make you look like the pool jerk. There is no winning with people like that.

If you don’t care whether this type of person causes a scene if you say no, you’re totally within your rights to say, “Sorry. These are for my children to enjoy.”

I know, I thought by saying “these are our personal toys” and showing the child where the community toys were that they would get the hint, but I guess not. I am moreso bothered that the adult in charge wasn’t embarrassed by this child’s utter lack of manners. Like it is so shameful to demand your parent ask for someone else’s things after that person has told you no already.

Ooh, you seem to have grown up with a load of shame and guilt, OP. You need to fix that because it's unhealthy, and understand that few people live their lives in that way. There should NOT be shame in normal social interactions (and this was a normal social interaction). The kid just didn't understand you clearly, and therefore sought clarification from their relative. If you don't want to share, next time start your sentence with a clear NO, and then follow up with "and there are toys over there". If a relative says it's OK, you can continue to say NO clearly and point to the alternative.

There are many cultural differences in saying yes and no. I'm Japanese: in Japan, it's impolite to reply to a request with a direct no, and kids are trained to understand nuance when they ask for something. But I've lived in some countries where the opposite is the case, and people need to hear a no, otherwise they understand yes. Additionally, each family is different. So you shouldn't feel uncomfortable if you are faced with someone who doesn't understand what you're saying. Say it a different way, more clearly.

But it *is* shameful to allow your child to demand other people’s things and then insist you override a stranger’s polite refusal to give them to her. I’m not even bothered by the toys (I literally don’t care, they are like dollar store items); I am bothered by fact that incompetent adults stand around indulging their children in behaviors that would have been considered egregiously rude in my childhood. And that those adults feel no shame about how obnoxious their children appear to others.

She wasn't demanding your things, or she wouldn't have brought them back to you after retrieving them. She was trying to join in a game you were playing with your kid, and your reaction is really over the top. You're literally demonizing a kid here for . . . diving after a sinky that an adult threw in a community pool. Take a breath, seriously.

Seriously. She's not a brat. She's a little girl and she and your kid probably could have had fun playing together. If you weren't so focused on your perfectly curated moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s annoying. People are so entitled and know that you’ll say yes, because saying no would make you look like the pool jerk. There is no winning with people like that.

If you don’t care whether this type of person causes a scene if you say no, you’re totally within your rights to say, “Sorry. These are for my children to enjoy.”

I know, I thought by saying “these are our personal toys” and showing the child where the community toys were that they would get the hint, but I guess not. I am moreso bothered that the adult in charge wasn’t embarrassed by this child’s utter lack of manners. Like it is so shameful to demand your parent ask for someone else’s things after that person has told you no already.

Ooh, you seem to have grown up with a load of shame and guilt, OP. You need to fix that because it's unhealthy, and understand that few people live their lives in that way. There should NOT be shame in normal social interactions (and this was a normal social interaction). The kid just didn't understand you clearly, and therefore sought clarification from their relative. If you don't want to share, next time start your sentence with a clear NO, and then follow up with "and there are toys over there". If a relative says it's OK, you can continue to say NO clearly and point to the alternative.

There are many cultural differences in saying yes and no. I'm Japanese: in Japan, it's impolite to reply to a request with a direct no, and kids are trained to understand nuance when they ask for something. But I've lived in some countries where the opposite is the case, and people need to hear a no, otherwise they understand yes. Additionally, each family is different. So you shouldn't feel uncomfortable if you are faced with someone who doesn't understand what you're saying. Say it a different way, more clearly.

But it *is* shameful to allow your child to demand other people’s things and then insist you override a stranger’s polite refusal to give them to her. I’m not even bothered by the toys (I literally don’t care, they are like dollar store items); I am bothered by fact that incompetent adults stand around indulging their children in behaviors that would have been considered egregiously rude in my childhood. And that those adults feel no shame about how obnoxious their children appear to others.

She wasn't demanding your things, or she wouldn't have brought them back to you after retrieving them. She was trying to join in a game you were playing with your kid, and your reaction is really over the top. You're literally demonizing a kid here for . . . diving after a sinky that an adult threw in a community pool. Take a breath, seriously.

If she were “joining in a game” she would have actually allowed my kid to retrieve the toy occasionally, but no, she wanted these toys and just helped herself to them. I’m over it. I no longer have any sympathy. I’m tired of teaching my kids to be kind, polite, honest and generous when I am witnessing obnoxious kids ruling their households and commanding their parents like subjects in a little child-centric kingdom.

You have major issues.

[Anonymous]

Omg. Who cares? What a weird thing to get angry about. I would love to have these “problems.”