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Parent letting child use our pool toys
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Anonymous
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Our community pool has a variety of pool toys (diving rings, noodles, etc). They also allow patrons to bring their own toys, as long as they conform to the rules (no floating devices). We bring our own diving toys so that my child can practice.
A child at the pool kept diving for our pool toys before mine could reach them. She would bring them to me and as soon as I threw them for my own child, she would retrieve them again. My child looked at me like “what am I supposed to do?” so I told this stranger’s child “oh these are actually our personal toys, but there are some pool toys over there”, and directed her away. She went to her grandfather and said “can I use those?” at my child’s toys and then asked me “can I borrow one?” Grandfather smiled at me and said “it would be so nice”, so I just handed her one of the toys and let my child use the rest. She played with her grandfather for a while and I was just annoyed Why can’t people just say no to their kids anymore? Like what happened to normal manners? I must be in a mood, but I wanted to tell this guy, dude, your grandchild is frickin obnoxious and you need to learn to say no to her. |
Anonymous
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That’s annoying. People are so entitled and know that you’ll say yes, because saying no would make you look like the pool jerk. There is no winning with people like that.
If you don’t care whether this type of person causes a scene if you say no, you’re totally within your rights to say, “Sorry. These are for my children to enjoy.” |
Anonymous
| Sounds like a great "community" pool. |
Anonymous
| Why couldn't you just say: oh sorry these are my kids toys. The communal toys are over there, thanks byeeeeee! |
Anonymous
I know, I thought by saying “these are our personal toys” and showing the child where the community toys were that they would get the hint, but I guess not. I am moreso bothered that the adult in charge wasn’t embarrassed by this child’s utter lack of manners. Like it is so shameful to demand your parent ask for someone else’s things after that person has told you no already. |
Anonymous
I did! But the child went to her grandfather to ask *him* to borrow them. He just smiled at me and was like bashful, shrug kids-am-I-right?. So I was then put in a position to say no to a man twice my age and I literally just felt embarrassed for both of us so I handed her a toy. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't be annoyed at all, OP. If you have several, you can share. That's what I do. It's mildly annoying to remember to ask for it back, because kids forget to return items, but if I'm at a community pool, I behave as a community. Otherwise I'd get my own private pool. |
Anonymous
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“We brought these from home and are using all of them right now, but there are toys you can play with over there.”
Grandpa might not know the ins and outs of the semi-complex toy rules at your pool. |
Anonymous
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Look. Share the damn toys. Who cares. It teaches your kid to be a nice person. I know it’s kind of annoying, but you sound kind of selfish and rigid.
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Anonymous
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Frankly, I wouldn’t care. A child can only play with one or two toys at a time and you seem to have brought several. The other child wasn’t destroying them or leaving yours with nothing.
Here’s a Q: why can’t adults (you) say no to other adults (the grandfather) anymore? |
Anonymous
Ooh, you seem to have grown up with a load of shame and guilt, OP. You need to fix that because it's unhealthy, and understand that few people live their lives in that way. There should NOT be shame in normal social interactions (and this was a normal social interaction). The kid just didn't understand you clearly, and therefore sought clarification from their relative. If you don't want to share, next time start your sentence with a clear NO, and then follow up with "and there are toys over there". If a relative says it's OK, you can continue to say NO clearly and point to the alternative. There are many cultural differences in saying yes and no. I'm Japanese: in Japan, it's impolite to reply to a request with a direct no, and kids are trained to understand nuance when they ask for something. But I've lived in some countries where the opposite is the case, and people need to hear a no, otherwise they understand yes. Additionally, each family is different. So you shouldn't feel uncomfortable if you are faced with someone who doesn't understand what you're saying. Say it a different way, more clearly. |
Anonymous
| Adults don’t say no to their kids anymore. It’s…baffling. I feel like I either witness a complete lack of parenting or on the other side of the spectrum, partners completely screaming at their small child in a rage. I would never assume someone should share their stuff with my child. |
Anonymous
Where I grew up, people weren't allowed to bring any personal crap to the pool. The pool had a stack of kickbacks and we had to wait until someone gave it up to get one. To me, taking cool personal toys to a community pool where there are lots of little kids is a recipe for jealousy. It was nice that you shared. But you could have set boundaries if you wanted to. And you can train your daughter on how to share and self-advocate. This is kind of a nothingburger incident to people who are very okay with sharing. |
Anonymous
But it *is* shameful to allow your child to demand other people’s things and then insist you override a stranger’s polite refusal to give them to her. I’m not even bothered by the toys (I literally don’t care, they are like dollar store items); I am bothered by fact that incompetent adults stand around indulging their children in behaviors that would have been considered egregiously rude in my childhood. And that those adults feel no shame about how obnoxious their children appear to others. |
Anonymous
| ^kickboards |