Wife won’t sleep with me

[Anonymous]

There is no “grounds for divorce.” If you want a divorce because her favorite color is now yellow, you can do so. OP is not asking for help to fix things. It sounds like his mind is made up for a divorce and that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff.

Your wife is incredibly selfish and a poor communicator. If she decides to stop having sex with you she’s not only making this choice for herself, but also for you. She basically signed you up for a sexless marriage whether you like it or not, and that’s unfair to you.

Bringing up running the house, and chores, is a cop out and a separate issue and it shows a lack of honesty and willingness to work things out. You’ve got to do your part, but every family is different, it can mean doing more housework, being the parent more involved with the kids, or spending time at work to bring in more money.

You should have a conversation with your wife about what your needs and expectations are related to sex, what is acceptable with you and a finding a solution that works, eg having somebody else on the side for sex, while keeping the family together. Also do some introspection to set your red lines. Is a sexless marriage acceptable to you for the sake of the kids and financial benefits of avoiding divorce? Communicate that to your wife and try to understand where she’s coming from and what she wants.

A lot of times women go through menopause and their libido completely tanks, and when the husband is unhappy, they come out with excuses. This won’t be fixed with doing more the dishes, these suggestions are ridiculous. Is she willing to take one for the team once in a while or give you a free pass? It’s a negotiation between the two of you.

This.

Possible solution, get her the maid she needs and get yourself the side piece you want. Cheaper than a divorce, and you’ll both be happier.

[Anonymous]

No sex is not grounds for divorce/ you don’t need a reason for a divorce. Divorce or don’t.

-sexless marriage 7 out of 10 years until divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff.

So you expect sex but do nothing around the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff.

Your wife is incredibly selfish and a poor communicator. If she decides to stop having sex with you she’s not only making this choice for herself, but also for you. She basically signed you up for a sexless marriage whether you like it or not, and that’s unfair to you.

Bringing up running the house, and chores, is a cop out and a separate issue and it shows a lack of honesty and willingness to work things out. You’ve got to do your part, but every family is different, it can mean doing more housework, being the parent more involved with the kids, or spending time at work to bring in more money.

You should have a conversation with your wife about what your needs and expectations are related to sex, what is acceptable with you and a finding a solution that works, eg having somebody else on the side for sex, while keeping the family together. Also do some introspection to set your red lines. Is a sexless marriage acceptable to you for the sake of the kids and financial benefits of avoiding divorce? Communicate that to your wife and try to understand where she’s coming from and what she wants.

A lot of times women go through menopause and their libido completely tanks, and when the husband is unhappy, they come out with excuses. This won’t be fixed with doing more the dishes, these suggestions are ridiculous. Is she willing to take one for the team once in a while or give you a free pass? It’s a negotiation between the two of you.

This.

Possible solution, get her the maid she needs and get yourself the side piece you want. Cheaper than a divorce, and you’ll both be happier.

Sorry but breaking your vows and cheating will not make her happier. What kind of role model are you to your children? Why not become a working member of your household and treat your wife better? Either that or divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Is she on the pill? I was on it for many years and it killed my libido.

I wish more couples understood that, and that doctors told women about this!

No. That's not what this is.

I hate all the gaslighting about the pill.

PP you replied to. ??? This is not gaslighting. It happened to me. I am relating a lived experience. What's wrong with you?

Read the OP. He isn't really a husband or father and has no real relationship with his wife. So she doesn't want to have sex with him. Duh!

That doesn't give you the right to call my experience "gaslighting". You're being extremely rude.

I’m not PP, but I did buy into the gaslighting that the pill kills libido. And maybe it does. But wanna know what really killed my libido? 3 unplanned pregnancies I didn’t want.

OK, you've got to be a troll. You can try different pills. You can try different non-chemical contraceptives. Don't be ridiculous. And if you've been warned against side effects of the pill, what you should do is try for yourself, with that knowledge. The issue is when women take the pill and don't realize that it's that medication that is making them not want intimacy. Hence the value of the warning. The warning doesn't mean "don't even try". It means "be aware of how you're feeling on this medication, and know you can try others".

That’s not at all the dialog around the pill. Very few people are taking about experimenting with different formulations. People just come in all hot saying how “the pill” is terrible. Unsurprising that this is what people hear.

We move in very different circles then, or you're a social media junkie. No one around me talks about the pill. Doctors just hand over one of them without any discussion over side effects. It's the opposite of your experience, and it's equally bad. We need a sane discussion of possible side effects.

Obviously you read DCUM so spare me with the social media junkie stuff. Even the discussion on here is not nuanced.

[Anonymous]

Wtf is the long game at work?

[Anonymous]

Dear angry men of the internet, I want to have sex. My wife let me know she’s deeply unhappy in our marriage, but I’m not interested in that! Please tell me how to get what I want without having to do anything different. Thanks! OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff.

Your wife is incredibly selfish and a poor communicator. If she decides to stop having sex with you she’s not only making this choice for herself, but also for you. She basically signed you up for a sexless marriage whether you like it or not, and that’s unfair to you.

Bringing up running the house, and chores, is a cop out and a separate issue and it shows a lack of honesty and willingness to work things out. You’ve got to do your part, but every family is different, it can mean doing more housework, being the parent more involved with the kids, or spending time at work to bring in more money.

You should have a conversation with your wife about what your needs and expectations are related to sex, what is acceptable with you and a finding a solution that works, eg having somebody else on the side for sex, while keeping the family together. Also do some introspection to set your red lines. Is a sexless marriage acceptable to you for the sake of the kids and financial benefits of avoiding divorce? Communicate that to your wife and try to understand where she’s coming from and what she wants.

A lot of times women go through menopause and their libido completely tanks, and when the husband is unhappy, they come out with excuses. This won’t be fixed with doing more the dishes, these suggestions are ridiculous. Is she willing to take one for the team once in a while or give you a free pass? It’s a negotiation between the two of you.

This.

Possible solution, get her the maid she needs and get yourself the side piece you want. Cheaper than a divorce, and you’ll both be happier.

Sorry but breaking your vows and cheating will not make her happier. What kind of role model are you to your children? Why not become a working member of your household and treat your wife better? Either that or divorce

Of course withholding sex as punishment for not doing chores is very mature, wise and not passive aggressive at all, and will do wonders for one’s marriage. I agree with treating the wife better and share of household work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear angry men of the internet, I want to have sex. My wife let me know she’s deeply unhappy in our marriage, but I’m not interested in that! Please tell me how to get what I want without having to do anything different. Thanks! OP

Dear DCUM, my husband completely broke my trust, just found out some nudes in his texts! We haven’t had sex for years, I’m interested because he isn’t doing the dishes enough. I’m in shock he was willing to throw all that away!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff.

Your wife is incredibly selfish and a poor communicator. If she decides to stop having sex with you she’s not only making this choice for herself, but also for you. She basically signed you up for a sexless marriage whether you like it or not, and that’s unfair to you.

Bringing up running the house, and chores, is a cop out and a separate issue and it shows a lack of honesty and willingness to work things out. You’ve got to do your part, but every family is different, it can mean doing more housework, being the parent more involved with the kids, or spending time at work to bring in more money.

You should have a conversation with your wife about what your needs and expectations are related to sex, what is acceptable with you and a finding a solution that works, eg having somebody else on the side for sex, while keeping the family together. Also do some introspection to set your red lines. Is a sexless marriage acceptable to you for the sake of the kids and financial benefits of avoiding divorce? Communicate that to your wife and try to understand where she’s coming from and what she wants.

A lot of times women go through menopause and their libido completely tanks, and when the husband is unhappy, they come out with excuses. This won’t be fixed with doing more the dishes, these suggestions are ridiculous. Is she willing to take one for the team once in a while or give you a free pass? It’s a negotiation between the two of you.

This.

Possible solution, get her the maid she needs and get yourself the side piece you want. Cheaper than a divorce, and you’ll both be happier.

This is really poor advice. I am the wife in this situation and really it came down to what another poster described. I felt like my only use for DH was as a blowup doll. He really stopped putting any effort into the relationship so ofc I had no interest in sleeping with him. I later caught him on an app and I was like dude. If you put the time you are spending on that app into your actual wife then things might be better for you. He did, and now I think we are both happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff.

Your wife is incredibly selfish and a poor communicator. If she decides to stop having sex with you she’s not only making this choice for herself, but also for you. She basically signed you up for a sexless marriage whether you like it or not, and that’s unfair to you.

Bringing up running the house, and chores, is a cop out and a separate issue and it shows a lack of honesty and willingness to work things out. You’ve got to do your part, but every family is different, it can mean doing more housework, being the parent more involved with the kids, or spending time at work to bring in more money.

You should have a conversation with your wife about what your needs and expectations are related to sex, what is acceptable with you and a finding a solution that works, eg having somebody else on the side for sex, while keeping the family together. Also do some introspection to set your red lines. Is a sexless marriage acceptable to you for the sake of the kids and financial benefits of avoiding divorce? Communicate that to your wife and try to understand where she’s coming from and what she wants.

A lot of times women go through menopause and their libido completely tanks, and when the husband is unhappy, they come out with excuses. This won’t be fixed with doing more the dishes, these suggestions are ridiculous. Is she willing to take one for the team once in a while or give you a free pass? It’s a negotiation between the two of you.

This.

Possible solution, get her the maid she needs and get yourself the side piece you want. Cheaper than a divorce, and you’ll both be happier.

This is really poor advice. I am the wife in this situation and really it came down to what another poster described. I felt like my only use for DH was as a blowup doll. He really stopped putting any effort into the relationship so ofc I had no interest in sleeping with him. I later caught him on an app and I was like dude. If you put the time you are spending on that app into your actual wife then things might be better for you. He did, and now I think we are both happier.

Be honest here, do you really think him putting more effort into it, results in you desiring him sexually? It sounds more like a band aid, he is doing something nice to you and in return you put up with him doing you once in a while. I bet he’d rather have sex with someone that wants him instead, and without a doubt he’ll be back on the app.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear angry men of the internet, I want to have sex. My wife let me know she’s deeply unhappy in our marriage, but I’m not interested in that! Please tell me how to get what I want without having to do anything different. Thanks! OP

Or help me justify cheating on her and breaking my wedding vows!

Good lord the bar is in hell for me. And they still bring a shovel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear angry men of the internet, I want to have sex. My wife let me know she’s deeply unhappy in our marriage, but I’m not interested in that! Please tell me how to get what I want without having to do anything different. Thanks! OP

Or help me justify cheating on her and breaking my wedding vows!

Good lord the bar is in hell for men* And they still bring a shovel.

Men*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wtf is the long game at work?

It’s where you work long hours and don’t pull your weight at home.