Wife won’t sleep with me

[Anonymous]

You have not been physically intimate for more than a few years?!

You are in a deep rut and to get out you both will need to WANT to get out.

She probably doesn't...

[Anonymous]

When was the last time you took your wife out to dinner? And by that I mean, you asked her if she could be done with work by 6, you feed the kids dinner, hire the babysitter, make the reservation, and take her out?

[Anonymous]

The title you gave your OP says a lot.

Wife won't sleep with me. Woe is me. Wife doesn't like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you don’t clean at home. Try making and fully cleaning up from dinner for a week while also doing the households laundry. Help with homework and studying for tests. Your wife literally told you what the problem is, so fix it.

Engaging more with the children may eventually help with how his wife sees him.

But choreplay rarely works. He should do it, because he lives there. But it likely won’t get her hot.

There are circumstances that it does work. Specifically when the woman doesn’t want to have sex because she is physically exhausted and not getting enough sleep because she has to do all of the childcare and chores.
If that’s going on, then the man doing more chores or hiring out chores does work.

It rarely works because a man who has been selfish for months or years usually can lead to a woman who is resentful and used to not sleeping with the man that she's also probably bored of physically.

And then the guy does some dishes for a week and asks "DTF?" and it just leads to more resentment in both of them.

Contributing to the home is part of rebuilding a loving and sexy connection with an annoyed wife, but it's only part. Many men are clueless and many women communicate poorly.

I agree that it has to be a real and meaningful amount of chores, not just doing the dishes. And it has to be long term.
But I do think that if a man who wasn’t doing anything took over grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning doing the dishes -or- laundry, homework help, reading all of the school emails, and managing the kids schedules/making sure they have rides or something else like that, then it could make a difference,

[Anonymous]

Frisky? WTH! I'd help you out, but frisky is not enough. Take a few more year til you are really ready. I expect it to be up few times a day as you think about it and definitely as you are getting closer to the person.
I bet she had to 'get you going' and she doesn't want to tell you that or do it combined with he not being frisky. She'd be frisky with someone else, I promise you.

[Anonymous]

Is she on the pill? I was on it for many years and it killed my libido.

I wish more couples understood that, and that doctors told women about this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Is she on the pill? I was on it for many years and it killed my libido.

I wish more couples understood that, and that doctors told women about this!

No. That's not what this is.

I hate all the gaslighting about the pill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff.

She’s getting her cheeks clapped elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Is she on the pill? I was on it for many years and it killed my libido.

I wish more couples understood that, and that doctors told women about this!

No. That's not what this is.

I hate all the gaslighting about the pill.

PP you replied to. ??? This is not gaslighting. It happened to me. I am relating a lived experience. What's wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Is she on the pill? I was on it for many years and it killed my libido.

I wish more couples understood that, and that doctors told women about this!

No. That's not what this is.

I hate all the gaslighting about the pill.

PP you replied to. ??? This is not gaslighting. It happened to me. I am relating a lived experience. What's wrong with you?

Read the OP. He isn't really a husband or father and has no real relationship with his wife. So she doesn't want to have sex with him. Duh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Is she on the pill? I was on it for many years and it killed my libido.

I wish more couples understood that, and that doctors told women about this!

No. That's not what this is.

I hate all the gaslighting about the pill.

PP you replied to. ??? This is not gaslighting. It happened to me. I am relating a lived experience. What's wrong with you?

Read the OP. He isn't really a husband or father and has no real relationship with his wife. So she doesn't want to have sex with him. Duh!

That doesn't give you the right to call my experience "gaslighting". You're being extremely rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Is she on the pill? I was on it for many years and it killed my libido.

I wish more couples understood that, and that doctors told women about this!

No. That's not what this is.

I hate all the gaslighting about the pill.

PP you replied to. ??? This is not gaslighting. It happened to me. I am relating a lived experience. What's wrong with you?

Read the OP. He isn't really a husband or father and has no real relationship with his wife. So she doesn't want to have sex with him. Duh!

That doesn't give you the right to call my experience "gaslighting". You're being extremely rude.

DP. I thought taking the pill was life changing and amazing. Maybe his wife needs to be on the pill.

[Anonymous]

Divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Is she on the pill? I was on it for many years and it killed my libido.

I wish more couples understood that, and that doctors told women about this!

No. That's not what this is.

I hate all the gaslighting about the pill.

PP you replied to. ??? This is not gaslighting. It happened to me. I am relating a lived experience. What's wrong with you?

Read the OP. He isn't really a husband or father and has no real relationship with his wife. So she doesn't want to have sex with him. Duh!

That doesn't give you the right to call my experience "gaslighting". You're being extremely rude.

I’m not PP, but I did buy into the gaslighting that the pill kills libido. And maybe it does. But wanna know what really killed my libido? 3 unplanned pregnancies I didn’t want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Is she on the pill? I was on it for many years and it killed my libido.

I wish more couples understood that, and that doctors told women about this!

No. That's not what this is.

I hate all the gaslighting about the pill.

PP you replied to. ??? This is not gaslighting. It happened to me. I am relating a lived experience. What's wrong with you?

Read the OP. He isn't really a husband or father and has no real relationship with his wife. So she doesn't want to have sex with him. Duh!

That doesn't give you the right to call my experience "gaslighting". You're being extremely rude.

I’m not PP, but I did buy into the gaslighting that the pill kills libido. And maybe it does. But wanna know what really killed my libido? 3 unplanned pregnancies I didn’t want.

OK, you've got to be a troll. You can try different pills. You can try different non-chemical contraceptives. Don't be ridiculous. And if you've been warned against side effects of the pill, what you should do is try for yourself, with that knowledge. The issue is when women take the pill and don't realize that it's that medication that is making them not want intimacy. Hence the value of the warning. The warning doesn't mean "don't even try". It means "be aware of how you're feeling on this medication, and know you can try others".