Wife won’t sleep with me

[Anonymous]

It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff.

No sex is grounds for divorce, yes. Constructive dissection is the case you would build.

Or just go no-fault and empty your ball sack in a new woman.

[Anonymous]

Might as well step outside the marriage for it. What's the worst that can happen, divorce? You'd end up there anyway.

This option is less of a risk financially.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried to work through your issues at all? Have you had multiple discussions about why she’s so unhappy? Are YOU happy in the relationship (aside from sex life)? Why should she sleep with you if you DGAF that she’s unhappy? If there’s no emotional intimacy at all? You sound selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried to work through your issues at all? Have you had multiple discussions about why she’s so unhappy? Are YOU happy in the relationship (aside from sex life)? Why should she sleep with you if you DGAF that she’s unhappy? If there’s no emotional intimacy at all? You sound selfish.

This.

No sex is definitely a reason to divorce, but most people would say you don't divorce without trying every remedy within reason.

[Anonymous]

You don’t know why your wife is unhappy and uninterested? Yea, no woman wants to have sex with a man who cares so little about them.

Try therapy only if you can set aside your own needs and put her needs first. Maybe eventually she’ll be interested in you. But as long as you are selfish, only care about sex, and justify your selfishness with “but I work hard!”, she won’t want you.

Also, wtf do you mean you’re playing the long game at work?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you don’t clean at home. Try making and fully cleaning up from dinner for a week while also doing the households laundry. Help with homework and studying for tests. Your wife literally told you what the problem is, so fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you don’t clean at home. Try making and fully cleaning up from dinner for a week while also doing the households laundry. Help with homework and studying for tests. Your wife literally told you what the problem is, so fix it.

Engaging more with the children may eventually help with how his wife sees him.

But choreplay rarely works. He should do it, because he lives there. But it likely won’t get her hot.

[Anonymous]

Housework is foreplay.

[Anonymous]

Agreed with pp. A dad who engages with their kids is much hotter than a dad who just does chores. Do more house work but be sure to spend more time with the kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you don’t clean at home. Try making and fully cleaning up from dinner for a week while also doing the households laundry. Help with homework and studying for tests. Your wife literally told you what the problem is, so fix it.

Engaging more with the children may eventually help with how his wife sees him.

But choreplay rarely works. He should do it, because he lives there. But it likely won’t get her hot.

There are circumstances that it does work. Specifically when the woman doesn’t want to have sex because she is physically exhausted and not getting enough sleep because she has to do all of the childcare and chores.
If that’s going on, then the man doing more chores or hiring out chores does work.

[Anonymous]

Divorce!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Housework is foreplay.

LOL !!!

Nearly fell out of my chair due to laughter.

Thank you !

[Anonymous]

A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you don’t clean at home. Try making and fully cleaning up from dinner for a week while also doing the households laundry. Help with homework and studying for tests. Your wife literally told you what the problem is, so fix it.

Engaging more with the children may eventually help with how his wife sees him.

But choreplay rarely works. He should do it, because he lives there. But it likely won’t get her hot.

There are circumstances that it does work. Specifically when the woman doesn’t want to have sex because she is physically exhausted and not getting enough sleep because she has to do all of the childcare and chores.
If that’s going on, then the man doing more chores or hiring out chores does work.

It rarely works because a man who has been selfish for months or years usually can lead to a woman who is resentful and used to not sleeping with the man that she's also probably bored of physically.

And then the guy does some dishes for a week and asks "DTF?" and it just leads to more resentment in both of them.

Contributing to the home is part of rebuilding a loving and sexy connection with an annoyed wife, but it's only part. Many men are clueless and many women communicate poorly.