What do you do with your low effort kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 6-year-old who doesn't give much effort in any sport they've tried. Has anybody had a kid like this who grew out of it? Or is it just that our kid is not athletically inclined? If it's the latter, do we adjust our expectations and find a few physical activities that are the least intrusive to our family's schedule so they can develop some fitness and focus on other things?

I figured this was going to be about a 12 year old but six?? Maybe for your six year old it’s too rigid and organized. A six year old doesn’t need a 45” controlled class to develop fitness.

Six year olds develop control and exercise by playing. The playground, bikes, swimming, running, roller skating, playing games with balls. If the parent really is concerned about health they would put in the work. Find some bike trails even if you have to drive to them and both ride your bikes. Run or walk together to the playground. Play ball together. Dance together. Get some other kids involved if you prefer and play backyard games.

Ya, they like to dance (at home, but not in class because they dislike how often they get in trouble for not listening) and swim (but not if it’s a race). Biking is a challenge because they have anxiety about falling and complain that it’s too hard (legs tired after 2 minutes). Hiking equals whining. Playing basketball at home is fun as long as no running is required. I want to add that they are a great kid - super bright and 99% on tests and can read and do art for hours. I just get frustrated giving up finite time for athletics when they don’t engage or try and there is often a lot of whining.

Give up on the sports, she isn’t interested. And that’s not what makes a child fit. She doesn’t like walking or running, that’s tough. My mother watched my kids and occasionally the cousins. She was extremely athletic. She got them walking to the store about 2-3 miles round trip. They would walk to ice cream farm only about 3/4 miles round trip. We just walked places, no questions. Soon,her legs would be stronger. And I do think playgrounds are great for climbing, jumping, swinging, running. It’s fun so she forgets about her aches and pains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your child is only 6. How a child plays at 6 is generally not predictive. We know kids who goofed off on 1st grade rec teams but by MS were exemplary athletes. We know kids who were standouts at 6 but by 9 stopped playing. Do they enjoy playing? Then keep going. Do they complain about playing? Then stop. It doesn’t matter how good they are. It doesn’t matter if they even play sports. Some kids have other interests that are equally valuable. My boys loved sports and signed up for everything. In some they excelled and in some they were on the bench. I had zero expectations. I would have been fine if they quit any of their sports at any time. The only issue I had was when after years of playing and wanting to do nothing else, they asked to quit. Then I wanted to know more about their mindset. Was it the coach? The kids? Burnout? My rule for activities has always been to follow their lead. I only signed my kids up for a new team/activity when they asked. When it was time to reregister, I asked if they would like to continue.

If they had their way, they wouldn't do anything physical. They'd ride a motorized scooter around all day to avoid walking. I think I am going to look into after-school sports programs so they can still get some exercise, but I won't have to drive or hang around to watch, and look for more art/music/theater activities for the purpose of developing an activity that they can be good at, and hopefully find their people.

[Anonymous]

At 6, it's way too young to tell.

Our son was exactly like your child. At 6, he had Zero interest in sports, and no interest in being active. We took him from one rec team to another hoping he'd find a sport he likes and at the end, we gave up. He was also chubby and we worried about the health ramifications of the lack of activity.

During Covid, when everything was shut down and he was going stir crazy at home, my husband would take him to an outdoor tennis court nearby that was open and hit balls with him. Something clicked then.

Today at 16, he's a competitive tennis player and he's very fit.

All to say that at 6, it's way too young to tell. I think also what happened is that he realized that a lot of friendships in his class were centered around sports and he did not want to miss out.

Try to have your son try different sports and most of all, try to make it fun. Don't label a child as "athletic" or "non athletic", especially not in front of him as it'll become a self fulfilling prophecy. Above all, make sure he's having fun along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 6, it's way too young to tell.

Our son was exactly like your child. At 6, he had Zero interest in sports, and no interest in being active. We took him from one rec team to another hoping he'd find a sport he likes and at the end, we gave up. He was also chubby and we worried about the health ramifications of the lack of activity.

During Covid, when everything was shut down and he was going stir crazy at home, my husband would take him to an outdoor tennis court nearby that was open and hit balls with him. Something clicked then.

Today at 16, he's a competitive tennis player and he's very fit.

All to say that at 6, it's way too young to tell. I think also what happened is that he realized that a lot of friendships in his class were centered around sports and he did not want to miss out.

Try to have your son try different sports and most of all, try to make it fun. Don't label a child as "athletic" or "non athletic", especially not in front of him as it'll become a self fulfilling prophecy. Above all, make sure he's having fun along the way.

This sounds like my son. Tried t-ball and soccer. Zoned out in tball, ran around enthusiastically but kind of aimlessly in soccer. Did running in ES and MS b/c I coached MS track. But in 4th grade something clicked with basketball, and by 8th grade he was practicing for hours almost every day. By HS was a standout player on excellent teams, and people talked about how lucky he was to be genetically a good athlete. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 6, it's way too young to tell.

Our son was exactly like your child. At 6, he had Zero interest in sports, and no interest in being active. We took him from one rec team to another hoping he'd find a sport he likes and at the end, we gave up. He was also chubby and we worried about the health ramifications of the lack of activity.

During Covid, when everything was shut down and he was going stir crazy at home, my husband would take him to an outdoor tennis court nearby that was open and hit balls with him. Something clicked then.

Today at 16, he's a competitive tennis player and he's very fit.

All to say that at 6, it's way too young to tell. I think also what happened is that he realized that a lot of friendships in his class were centered around sports and he did not want to miss out.

Try to have your son try different sports and most of all, try to make it fun. Don't label a child as "athletic" or "non athletic", especially not in front of him as it'll become a self fulfilling prophecy. Above all, make sure he's having fun along the way.

This sounds like my son. Tried t-ball and soccer. Zoned out in tball, ran around enthusiastically but kind of aimlessly in soccer. Did running in ES and MS b/c I coached MS track. But in 4th grade something clicked with basketball, and by 8th grade he was practicing for hours almost every day. By HS was a standout player on excellent teams, and people talked about how lucky he was to be genetically a good athlete. LOL.

How long ago was this? It was either decades ago or your kid is abnormally tall and had a growth spurt. Nobody can just randomly start practicing for hours per day in middle school and become a “stand out” basketball player anymore. They are 10 years behind the travel and privately trained intense hyper competitive peers by that point.

[Anonymous]

If your aim is to have your child be active and model a non-sedentary lifestyle, 100% agree keep trying to find the right sport. If they are generally healthy perhaps sports aren't there thing, but could be later. Keep them active by walking the dog or going on family hikes/walks. Does your kiddo like music? Maybe your kid would like piano lessons. Do they like games? Try chess. Find something that is FUN for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 6, it's way too young to tell.

Our son was exactly like your child. At 6, he had Zero interest in sports, and no interest in being active. We took him from one rec team to another hoping he'd find a sport he likes and at the end, we gave up. He was also chubby and we worried about the health ramifications of the lack of activity.

During Covid, when everything was shut down and he was going stir crazy at home, my husband would take him to an outdoor tennis court nearby that was open and hit balls with him. Something clicked then.

Today at 16, he's a competitive tennis player and he's very fit.

All to say that at 6, it's way too young to tell. I think also what happened is that he realized that a lot of friendships in his class were centered around sports and he did not want to miss out.

Try to have your son try different sports and most of all, try to make it fun. Don't label a child as "athletic" or "non athletic", especially not in front of him as it'll become a self fulfilling prophecy. Above all, make sure he's having fun along the way.

Thanks, this is OP checking back in. I love that you found something he liked and is now competitive after a tough start - that's reassuring. Ironic that you bring up tennis because my 6-year-old kinda likes the rec tennis class they've tried, but at 6, there is minimal exercise and intensity required, so I suspect they like it because they see their friends. It isn't overly taxing at this age, unlike other sports we tried (they hated soccer because they hate to run, and they liked swimming until they reached a level that requires swimming laps, and now that's a challenge, too). I'll keep tennis going, as maybe that's the answer, and in time, it will become more like exercise and less like it is now, which is social hour!

[Anonymous]

My 2 sport HS Varsity Athlete at 6 was playing on the playground. At 9, playing outside in the neighborhood. Kickball, inventing games, nothing organized by parents. No team sports. Busy being a kid. Having fun. Being active.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your aim is to have your child be active and model a non-sedentary lifestyle, 100% agree keep trying to find the right sport. If they are generally healthy perhaps sports aren't there thing, but could be later. Keep them active by walking the dog or going on family hikes/walks. Does your kiddo like music? Maybe your kid would like piano lessons. Do they like games? Try chess. Find something that is FUN for your child.

Thanks. They love music, art class, and youth theater, so I think that's where I'll focus our extracurricular activities, plus I'm just going to sign them up for whatever random after school sports that are offered at their school that work for our schedule that don't require me to drive (out of site, out of mind - they need to exercise, but I don't need to watch and get frustrated over their lack of effort - not good for our relationship)! Chess is also a great idea. I can see them getting really into it as they love logic games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We found a sport they like, but it's more about the social aspect of the sport than the physical activity, as they don't try. They go through the motions when it's their turn, then resume their conversations.
Even if they are the lowest effort kid in that activity, I guess they still get something out of it?

They don't have signs of asthma. We could ask their pediatrician if they think there are any other issues?

I assume this is something like baseball?

Yes, even if the lowest effort kid there, he is still getting something out of it, at age 6. By age 8 or so, it will be a different story.

OP, you will be surprised at how quickly kid's sports start to ramp up. The separating out will start within the next couple of years. Just be prepared for that and have a backup to provide and require physical fitness.

[Anonymous]

Poor kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 6, it's way too young to tell.

Our son was exactly like your child. At 6, he had Zero interest in sports, and no interest in being active. We took him from one rec team to another hoping he'd find a sport he likes and at the end, we gave up. He was also chubby and we worried about the health ramifications of the lack of activity.

During Covid, when everything was shut down and he was going stir crazy at home, my husband would take him to an outdoor tennis court nearby that was open and hit balls with him. Something clicked then.

Today at 16, he's a competitive tennis player and he's very fit.

All to say that at 6, it's way too young to tell. I think also what happened is that he realized that a lot of friendships in his class were centered around sports and he did not want to miss out.

Try to have your son try different sports and most of all, try to make it fun. Don't label a child as "athletic" or "non athletic", especially not in front of him as it'll become a self fulfilling prophecy. Above all, make sure he's having fun along the way.

This sounds like my son. Tried t-ball and soccer. Zoned out in tball, ran around enthusiastically but kind of aimlessly in soccer. Did running in ES and MS b/c I coached MS track. But in 4th grade something clicked with basketball, and by 8th grade he was practicing for hours almost every day. By HS was a standout player on excellent teams, and people talked about how lucky he was to be genetically a good athlete. LOL.

How long ago was this? It was either decades ago or your kid is abnormally tall and had a growth spurt. Nobody can just randomly start practicing for hours per day in middle school and become a “stand out” basketball player anymore. They are 10 years behind the travel and privately trained intense hyper competitive peers by that point.

Not sure how you got that from me saying my kid got into basketball in 4th grade. FWIW, DS started working with a trainer in 4th and started AAU in 5th. Played on 6 AAU teams between 5th and HS, being recruited each time to a better team or a bigger role ending on a Nike team that people on this forum like to talk about. And DS was recruited to a top DMV basketball high school as an 8th grader.

So yeah, basketball kids in the DMV are hyper competitive and intense. But parents who get super excited that little Larlo made the extra hyper elite AAU 4th grade team are often disappointed by high school. None of the “nationally ranked” kids on DS’s 8th grade AAU team were nationally ranked by sophomore year. Kids grow a ton between MS and HS, put on a ton of muscle, and for many big skinny kids, their speed and aggressiveness catches up with their height.

The point of my post was that parents have no idea when their kid is 6 what their athletic future holds. Frankly, I thought the coaches who told us that DS would be a very good basketball player were nuts — including the HS coach who recruited him. But they were right, and if I’d listened to the parents who thought my kid wasn’t athletic when he was in 2nd and 3rd grade picking weeds in the outfield or randomly running around a soccer field, we’d never have found out.

[Anonymous]

I am the parent of a nationally top ranked junior athlete in a niche sport.
Many of the kids who are top ranked have started very early on (around 6 or 7) . BUT, there are also many kids who started later (around 10-11) and have achieved similar status too.
I have noticed that the kids who start later progress at a much faster pace and eventually catch up with the kids who started earlier. What I see with most kids who started late is that THEY made the decision to play the sport and they are very self motivated. They are the ones driving this vs the kids who start young who are mostly being driven by the parents.
By the time the kids who started early are 12 and 13, many are burnt out and quit. At that same age, the kids who started later are improving rapidly and are starting to shine.

So remember, it's not where you start, it's where you finish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the parent of a nationally top ranked junior athlete in a niche sport.
Many of the kids who are top ranked have started very early on (around 6 or 7) . BUT, there are also many kids who started later (around 10-11) and have achieved similar status too.
I have noticed that the kids who start later progress at a much faster pace and eventually catch up with the kids who started earlier. What I see with most kids who started late is that THEY made the decision to play the sport and they are very self motivated. They are the ones driving this vs the kids who start young who are mostly being driven by the parents.
By the time the kids who started early are 12 and 13, many are burnt out and quit. At that same age, the kids who started later are improving rapidly and are starting to shine.

So remember, it's not where you start, it's where you finish.

what is this like champion of underwater basketweaving where you can start later and catch up?

[Anonymous]

We called kids like this "bumps on a log" when I was growing up. They never change.