What do you do with your low effort kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are who they are. My youngest son was low effort at 6… 16… and still is. No matter how much training we paid for, best equipment, etc. He just barely tries, minimal effort.

At what point, if any, did you just stop signing them up for sports?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. I didn't have crazy expectations, but since DH and I are both athletic and model that for our kids, I expected we'd find some sport that they'd like enough to exert themselves and put some effort into it. To a poster above, they enjoy one sport because they have friends they look forward to seeing, though they don't try, and they are also disruptive to other kids. We'll keep trying.

This is your problem. Kids aren't Minnie Me's. They're their own people. Your job as a parent is to encourage their individuality, not to clone yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. I didn't have crazy expectations, but since DH and I are both athletic and model that for our kids, I expected we'd find some sport that they'd like enough to exert themselves and put some effort into it. To a poster above, they enjoy one sport because they have friends they look forward to seeing, though they don't try, and they are also disruptive to other kids. We'll keep trying.

This is your problem. Kids aren't Minnie Me's. They're their own people. Your job as a parent is to encourage their individuality, not to clone yourself.

Well aware, which is why we've let them explore many different forms of physical fitness, and they have non-athletic interests and fun. It's frustrating to give up time to drive them to activities where they don't show any effort, but I'm also concerned about their long-term health and fitness if we do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are who they are. My youngest son was low effort at 6… 16… and still is. No matter how much training we paid for, best equipment, etc. He just barely tries, minimal effort.

At what point, if any, did you just stop signing them up for sports?

Just let him ride the bench thru high school. He put on a bunch of weight after, so if nothing else the cardio from being on teams was keeping him thin. Without that he got very chubby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. I didn't have crazy expectations, but since DH and I are both athletic and model that for our kids, I expected we'd find some sport that they'd like enough to exert themselves and put some effort into it. To a poster above, they enjoy one sport because they have friends they look forward to seeing, though they don't try, and they are also disruptive to other kids. We'll keep trying.

This is your problem. Kids aren't Minnie Me's. They're their own people. Your job as a parent is to encourage their individuality, not to clone yourself.

Well aware, which is why we've let them explore many different forms of physical fitness, and they have non-athletic interests and fun. It's frustrating to give up time to drive them to activities where they don't show any effort, but I'm also concerned about their long-term health and fitness if we do nothing.

At 6? Youve tried many different forms and you spend time driving them around? Just pick the local rec league and dont overthink it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. I didn't have crazy expectations, but since DH and I are both athletic and model that for our kids, I expected we'd find some sport that they'd like enough to exert themselves and put some effort into it. To a poster above, they enjoy one sport because they have friends they look forward to seeing, though they don't try, and they are also disruptive to other kids. We'll keep trying.

This is your problem. Kids aren't Minnie Me's. They're their own people. Your job as a parent is to encourage their individuality, not to clone yourself.

Well aware, which is why we've let them explore many different forms of physical fitness, and they have non-athletic interests and fun. It's frustrating to give up time to drive them to activities where they don't show any effort, but I'm also concerned about their long-term health and fitness if we do nothing.

At 6? Youve tried many different forms and you spend time driving them around? Just pick the local rec league and dont overthink it.

Every activity - rec league soccer, gymnastics class, martial arts, swimming lessons, tennis class, ballet, is time-consuming and involves a minimum of 10 minutes each way plus waiting out the activity, which feels fine if your kid is engaged but feels like a waste of time when they don’t try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. I didn't have crazy expectations, but since DH and I are both athletic and model that for our kids, I expected we'd find some sport that they'd like enough to exert themselves and put some effort into it. To a poster above, they enjoy one sport because they have friends they look forward to seeing, though they don't try, and they are also disruptive to other kids. We'll keep trying.

This is your problem. Kids aren't Minnie Me's. They're their own people. Your job as a parent is to encourage their individuality, not to clone yourself.

Well aware, which is why we've let them explore many different forms of physical fitness, and they have non-athletic interests and fun. It's frustrating to give up time to drive them to activities where they don't show any effort, but I'm also concerned about their long-term health and fitness if we do nothing.

At 6? Youve tried many different forms and you spend time driving them around? Just pick the local rec league and dont overthink it.

Every activity - rec league soccer, gymnastics class, martial arts, swimming lessons, tennis class, ballet, is time-consuming and involves a minimum of 10 minutes each way plus waiting out the activity, which feels fine if your kid is engaged but feels like a waste of time when they don’t try.

This problem will solve itself with time. Most early elementary rec sports—soccer, baseball, basketball—will evolve to travel by age 9 or so. The kids who love it and are good at it will do travel and the ones who don’t will move onto other things. The years where all the kids sign up for the local neighborhood rec team are over quickly. As the kids get older, they age into other things—cross country, wrestling, karate, etc—but by then the kid will have a better sense of who he is and what he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are who they are. My youngest son was low effort at 6… 16… and still is. No matter how much training we paid for, best equipment, etc. He just barely tries, minimal effort.

This was our experience too.
Our competitive kid was competitive by age 6.
I also have a son who doesn’t seem to care. We sign up for non team sports. He does karate and swimming and the goal is just to keel him physically active. TBH he’d stay home and play video games if I allowed if.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. I didn't have crazy expectations, but since DH and I are both athletic and model that for our kids, I expected we'd find some sport that they'd like enough to exert themselves and put some effort into it. To a poster above, they enjoy one sport because they have friends they look forward to seeing, though they don't try, and they are also disruptive to other kids. We'll keep trying.

This is your problem. Kids aren't Minnie Me's. They're their own people. Your job as a parent is to encourage their individuality, not to clone yourself.

Well aware, which is why we've let them explore many different forms of physical fitness, and they have non-athletic interests and fun. It's frustrating to give up time to drive them to activities where they don't show any effort, but I'm also concerned about their long-term health and fitness if we do nothing.

At 6? Youve tried many different forms and you spend time driving them around? Just pick the local rec league and dont overthink it.

Every activity - rec league soccer, gymnastics class, martial arts, swimming lessons, tennis class, ballet, is time-consuming and involves a minimum of 10 minutes each way plus waiting out the activity, which feels fine if your kid is engaged but feels like a waste of time when they don’t try.

Its fine to participate without being engaged. I think you're expecting too much. If they are having fun and don't fight you on attendance, that is the bar for age 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. I didn't have crazy expectations, but since DH and I are both athletic and model that for our kids, I expected we'd find some sport that they'd like enough to exert themselves and put some effort into it. To a poster above, they enjoy one sport because they have friends they look forward to seeing, though they don't try, and they are also disruptive to other kids. We'll keep trying.

This is your problem. Kids aren't Minnie Me's. They're their own people. Your job as a parent is to encourage their individuality, not to clone yourself.

Well aware, which is why we've let them explore many different forms of physical fitness, and they have non-athletic interests and fun. It's frustrating to give up time to drive them to activities where they don't show any effort, but I'm also concerned about their long-term health and fitness if we do nothing.

At 6? Youve tried many different forms and you spend time driving them around? Just pick the local rec league and dont overthink it.

Every activity - rec league soccer, gymnastics class, martial arts, swimming lessons, tennis class, ballet, is time-consuming and involves a minimum of 10 minutes each way plus waiting out the activity, which feels fine if your kid is engaged but feels like a waste of time when they don’t try.

So don't drive them anywhere. Have them join an after school sports club or something super easy. Some karate studios pick up at schools for after care. Make a point to go on a bike ride or a long quick walk every other day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. I didn't have crazy expectations, but since DH and I are both athletic and model that for our kids, I expected we'd find some sport that they'd like enough to exert themselves and put some effort into it. To a poster above, they enjoy one sport because they have friends they look forward to seeing, though they don't try, and they are also disruptive to other kids. We'll keep trying.

This is your problem. Kids aren't Minnie Me's. They're their own people. Your job as a parent is to encourage their individuality, not to clone yourself.

Well aware, which is why we've let them explore many different forms of physical fitness, and they have non-athletic interests and fun. It's frustrating to give up time to drive them to activities where they don't show any effort, but I'm also concerned about their long-term health and fitness if we do nothing.

LOL. Six years old. Six. You are TIGER PARENTS.

[Anonymous]

At 6, the only point is for them to have fun socially and get a little physical activity. Make sure you are signing up for whatever the neighborhood kids are doing. This SHOULD be a social activity.

You have plenty of time for the intense activities later. At 6, had zero interest in any team sports and didn’t show any interest until about 5th or 6th grade. We kept signing him up for different activities to expose him to different things, whatever friends were doing and whatever he wanted to try. He was all in and training year round by middle school, lifting, private sessions and everything. Played in HS and dropped it all by 11th grade for driving and a PT job.

The other kid had more of an interest in rec but didn’t get super serious and competitive until middle school. Same thing, we signed up for whatever rec sports friends were doing for social reasons. Training ramped up when she wanted to in middle school and she’s also playing in HS for the moment but driving and 11th grade haven’t hit so we will see what happens.

[Anonymous]

<insert eye roll> come back when your kid is 10.

[Anonymous]

Lack of motivation at such an early age can be tie to 2 things: -Revolting for not feeling like they are in control of the things they are participating in...i.e. did you make the decision for him, pick the sport and just sign them up or did he have say in the matter? The 2nd thing is a lack of reward for their effort. The reward can either be external or internal at the younger ages. 6 year old can get excited about activities when they are rewarded. (We rewarded our DD with candy for "playing" the sport we wanted at home. It was truly play, she loved the candy. This resulted in her wanting and saying "yes" to playing Rec Soccer later and she was shy at first but then later tried hard at it.
-BTW, we still give her candy at age 12 for trying hard at stuff.

[Anonymous]

I have a low effort 15 year old. He was perfectly happy in rec baseball and basketball and didn't put in any effort to do organized practice but he loved playing wiffle ball and practicing "bunting." He eventually did a low-key travel baseball team and made his very competitive high school's baseball team but still with low effort. He could be better if he put more into it but it's also a good lesson to learn.

Btw, he is very social and loves the team sport socializing aspect.