Meeting the ex-wife before the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to meet her, have coffee and an excuse to leave quickly if it's not going well. However, you are not obligated to meet her; she sounds a little crazy. DH and I have been married for 10 years. I've spent plenty of time with his kids (now all adults), but I've been in the same space as her maybe 5 times, and rarely conversed. DH did the graduations solo because we live on the other side of the country now and have young kids.

The second family. Never understood why these men are appealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCUM. I've been with my boyfriend for one year and we are starting to talk about me meeting his kids. His divorce parenting plan says the other parent has the option to meet a significant other before the kids do. I'm happy to do that, but I feel like his ex-wife has already laid an awkward foundation by doing things like driving by his house and asking repeatedly via text why my car is there (on his non-kid days) or making little jabs at him at extended family parties in front of everyone such as "well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

Anyway, what would you suggest in this situation- coffee, lunch, a drink? I'm thinking it'd be best to meet her by myself without boyfriend, do you agree? What do we talk about? I know a lot about the kids even though I haven't met them, but boyfriend and I talk about parenting all the time, but is it inappropriate to make small talk about her kids? Obviously not going to discuss my relationship. I guess I can chit chat about work or hobbies. Is the right mindset that I'm not searching for her approval, but more so extending the courtesy of supporting their parenting plan?

I'm a really empathetic person and often find myself talking my boyfriend down and explaining what ex-wife's experience or POV must be like and I wish she could give me the benefit of the doubt, but it seems like my existence really bothers her already even though she is the one who left the marriage in a really crazy, publicly self-destructive way.

Anyone been through similar?

I'm really confused. You say it's a fact that you're a gold digger but then try to suggest you are not. Which is it?

How long have they been divorced? How old are the kids? Does she have a partner? Why did they divorce? All of these things might help give you advice.

She said that is was EX thinks of her, not how OP feels.

No, OP literally said "it's a fact" that she's a gold digger.

I say this kindly, but your reading comprehension isn't good, or else you read through your own lens and didn't fully grasp what OP is saying. She is saying that this is what the Ex is saying about her, when in fact she is only three years younger and has her own business. She is NOT a young gold digger. I will grant you that OP's explanation could have been better. But you need to be able to understand the OP in its entirety. She should have said, WHEN IN FACT I'm 3 years young and own my own business. That would have been clearer.

"well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

The problem is not my reading comprehension. I have superior reading comprehension. Hence my ability to point out that she literally wrote "alluding to the fact that I'm a gold digger." That is stating she is a gold digger. It might not have been what she meant, but, again, my reading comprehension is not the problem here. I'm also obviously brighter than you if you need this explained.

Did you read what I wrote to make it clearer? Moreover, reading comprehension is the skill of reading what has been written and comprehending the full intent, perfect wording not withstanding. You sound narrow-minded and pedantic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCUM. I've been with my boyfriend for one year and we are starting to talk about me meeting his kids. His divorce parenting plan says the other parent has the option to meet a significant other before the kids do. I'm happy to do that, but I feel like his ex-wife has already laid an awkward foundation by doing things like driving by his house and asking repeatedly via text why my car is there (on his non-kid days) or making little jabs at him at extended family parties in front of everyone such as "well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

Anyway, what would you suggest in this situation- coffee, lunch, a drink? I'm thinking it'd be best to meet her by myself without boyfriend, do you agree? What do we talk about? I know a lot about the kids even though I haven't met them, but boyfriend and I talk about parenting all the time, but is it inappropriate to make small talk about her kids? Obviously not going to discuss my relationship. I guess I can chit chat about work or hobbies. Is the right mindset that I'm not searching for her approval, but more so extending the courtesy of supporting their parenting plan?

I'm a really empathetic person and often find myself talking my boyfriend down and explaining what ex-wife's experience or POV must be like and I wish she could give me the benefit of the doubt, but it seems like my existence really bothers her already even though she is the one who left the marriage in a really crazy, publicly self-destructive way.

Anyone been through similar?

I'm really confused. You say it's a fact that you're a gold digger but then try to suggest you are not. Which is it?

How long have they been divorced? How old are the kids? Does she have a partner? Why did they divorce? All of these things might help give you advice.

She said that is was EX thinks of her, not how OP feels.

No, OP literally said "it's a fact" that she's a gold digger.

I say this kindly, but your reading comprehension isn't good, or else you read through your own lens and didn't fully grasp what OP is saying. She is saying that this is what the Ex is saying about her, when in fact she is only three years younger and has her own business. She is NOT a young gold digger. I will grant you that OP's explanation could have been better. But you need to be able to understand the OP in its entirety. She should have said, WHEN IN FACT I'm 3 years young and own my own business. That would have been clearer.

"well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

The problem is not my reading comprehension. I have superior reading comprehension. Hence my ability to point out that she literally wrote "alluding to the fact that I'm a gold digger." That is stating she is a gold digger. It might not have been what she meant, but, again, my reading comprehension is not the problem here. I'm also obviously brighter than you if you need this explained.

I read that comment as the ex wife calling the OP a gold digger. Or implying she's one. Nothing more nothing less.
I don't get gold digger from OP .. She has her own company and prob does well for herself. OP also mentioned they do not mix any money.

This is good reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

At her insistence, I met my now-husband's crazy ex before meeting their kids. It was fine. I work with mentally ill people and am very good at remaining positive/neutral and not taking things personally. We ended up getting along ad having a good meeting (without him present) even though she tried to pick a couple of times. Unfortunately she and my husband were never able to just bury the hatchet and get along for the kids' sake. The kids are adults now and I never interact with her at all, my husband every once in a blue moon. If I were to run into her somewhere though, it would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCUM. I've been with my boyfriend for one year and we are starting to talk about me meeting his kids. His divorce parenting plan says the other parent has the option to meet a significant other before the kids do. I'm happy to do that, but I feel like his ex-wife has already laid an awkward foundation by doing things like driving by his house and asking repeatedly via text why my car is there (on his non-kid days) or making little jabs at him at extended family parties in front of everyone such as "well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

Anyway, what would you suggest in this situation- coffee, lunch, a drink? I'm thinking it'd be best to meet her by myself without boyfriend, do you agree? What do we talk about? I know a lot about the kids even though I haven't met them, but boyfriend and I talk about parenting all the time, but is it inappropriate to make small talk about her kids? Obviously not going to discuss my relationship. I guess I can chit chat about work or hobbies. Is the right mindset that I'm not searching for her approval, but more so extending the courtesy of supporting their parenting plan?

I'm a really empathetic person and often find myself talking my boyfriend down and explaining what ex-wife's experience or POV must be like and I wish she could give me the benefit of the doubt, but it seems like my existence really bothers her already even though she is the one who left the marriage in a really crazy, publicly self-destructive way.

Anyone been through similar?

I'm really confused. You say it's a fact that you're a gold digger but then try to suggest you are not. Which is it?

How long have they been divorced? How old are the kids? Does she have a partner? Why did they divorce? All of these things might help give you advice.

She said that is was EX thinks of her, not how OP feels.

No, OP literally said "it's a fact" that she's a gold digger.

I say this kindly, but your reading comprehension isn't good, or else you read through your own lens and didn't fully grasp what OP is saying. She is saying that this is what the Ex is saying about her, when in fact she is only three years younger and has her own business. She is NOT a young gold digger. I will grant you that OP's explanation could have been better. But you need to be able to understand the OP in its entirety. She should have said, WHEN IN FACT I'm 3 years young and own my own business. That would have been clearer.

"well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

The problem is not my reading comprehension. I have superior reading comprehension. Hence my ability to point out that she literally wrote "alluding to the fact that I'm a gold digger." That is stating she is a gold digger. It might not have been what she meant, but, again, my reading comprehension is not the problem here. I'm also obviously brighter than you if you need this explained.

Did you read what I wrote to make it clearer? Moreover, reading comprehension is the skill of reading what has been written and comprehending the full intent, perfect wording not withstanding. You sound narrow-minded and pedantic.

Naw, I'm not those things. You sound like a terrible judge of character and a real see you next Tuesday, though.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why people are so quick to call the ex crazy. These are her children and it's only been a year. Is everyone out there a perfectly serene human being about everything? It's not like she's out slashing tires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why people are so quick to call the ex crazy. These are her children and it's only been a year. Is everyone out there a perfectly serene human being about everything? It's not like she's out slashing tires.

I think people are calling his ex crazy based on the following in OP's original post:

I'm happy to do that, but I feel like his ex-wife has already laid an awkward foundation by doing things like driving by his house and asking repeatedly via text why my car is there (on his non-kid days) or making little jabs at him at extended family parties in front of everyone such as "well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

I think those are legit red or at least yellow flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why people are so quick to call the ex crazy. These are her children and it's only been a year. Is everyone out there a perfectly serene human being about everything? It's not like she's out slashing tires.

I think people are calling his ex crazy based on the following in OP's original post:

I'm happy to do that, but I feel like his ex-wife has already laid an awkward foundation by doing things like driving by his house and asking repeatedly via text why my car is there (on his non-kid days) or making little jabs at him at extended family parties in front of everyone such as "well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

I think those are legit red or at least yellow flags.

This.
Simply an attempt by the ex to through salt at the new woman her ex is dating.
She will run that same play with every other woman he dates in one year or a million.

She’s unhinged and her behavior is unwarranted, messy and childish.

[Anonymous]

^throw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck. If I were in your shoes I would not continue the relationship. It sounds like it will be hard and full of drama.

Exactly. Hard pass. My guess is boyfriend is equally crazy. Birds of a feather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCUM. I've been with my boyfriend for one year and we are starting to talk about me meeting his kids. His divorce parenting plan says the other parent has the option to meet a significant other before the kids do. I'm happy to do that, but I feel like his ex-wife has already laid an awkward foundation by doing things like driving by his house and asking repeatedly via text why my car is there (on his non-kid days) or making little jabs at him at extended family parties in front of everyone such as "well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

Anyway, what would you suggest in this situation- coffee, lunch, a drink? I'm thinking it'd be best to meet her by myself without boyfriend, do you agree? What do we talk about? I know a lot about the kids even though I haven't met them, but boyfriend and I talk about parenting all the time, but is it inappropriate to make small talk about her kids? Obviously not going to discuss my relationship. I guess I can chit chat about work or hobbies. Is the right mindset that I'm not searching for her approval, but more so extending the courtesy of supporting their parenting plan?

I'm a really empathetic person and often find myself talking my boyfriend down and explaining what ex-wife's experience or POV must be like and I wish she could give me the benefit of the doubt, but it seems like my existence really bothers her already even though she is the one who left the marriage in a really crazy, publicly self-destructive way.

Anyone been through similar?

I'm really confused. You say it's a fact that you're a gold digger but then try to suggest you are not. Which is it?

How long have they been divorced? How old are the kids? Does she have a partner? Why did they divorce? All of these things might help give you advice.

She said that is was EX thinks of her, not how OP feels.

No, OP literally said "it's a fact" that she's a gold digger.

I say this kindly, but your reading comprehension isn't good, or else you read through your own lens and didn't fully grasp what OP is saying. She is saying that this is what the Ex is saying about her, when in fact she is only three years younger and has her own business. She is NOT a young gold digger. I will grant you that OP's explanation could have been better. But you need to be able to understand the OP in its entirety. She should have said, WHEN IN FACT I'm 3 years young and own my own business. That would have been clearer.

"well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

The problem is not my reading comprehension. I have superior reading comprehension. Hence my ability to point out that she literally wrote "alluding to the fact that I'm a gold digger." That is stating she is a gold digger. It might not have been what she meant, but, again, my reading comprehension is not the problem here. I'm also obviously brighter than you if you need this explained.

+2 for you having a reading comprehension problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to meet her, have coffee and an excuse to leave quickly if it's not going well. However, you are not obligated to meet her; she sounds a little crazy. DH and I have been married for 10 years. I've spent plenty of time with his kids (now all adults), but I've been in the same space as her maybe 5 times, and rarely conversed. DH did the graduations solo because we live on the other side of the country now and have young kids.

So you married a man who neglected and abandoned his first set of kids. Bravo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was childless, I would never even consider dating someone who was divorced with kids. There are millions of better options out there.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCUM. I've been with my boyfriend for one year and we are starting to talk about me meeting his kids. His divorce parenting plan says the other parent has the option to meet a significant other before the kids do. I'm happy to do that, but I feel like his ex-wife has already laid an awkward foundation by doing things like driving by his house and asking repeatedly via text why my car is there (on his non-kid days) or making little jabs at him at extended family parties in front of everyone such as "well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

Anyway, what would you suggest in this situation- coffee, lunch, a drink? I'm thinking it'd be best to meet her by myself without boyfriend, do you agree? What do we talk about? I know a lot about the kids even though I haven't met them, but boyfriend and I talk about parenting all the time, but is it inappropriate to make small talk about her kids? Obviously not going to discuss my relationship. I guess I can chit chat about work or hobbies. Is the right mindset that I'm not searching for her approval, but more so extending the courtesy of supporting their parenting plan?

I'm a really empathetic person and often find myself talking my boyfriend down and explaining what ex-wife's experience or POV must be like and I wish she could give me the benefit of the doubt, but it seems like my existence really bothers her already even though she is the one who left the marriage in a really crazy, publicly self-destructive way.

Anyone been through similar?

I'm really confused. You say it's a fact that you're a gold digger but then try to suggest you are not. Which is it?

How long have they been divorced? How old are the kids? Does she have a partner? Why did they divorce? All of these things might help give you advice.

She said that is was EX thinks of her, not how OP feels.

No, OP literally said "it's a fact" that she's a gold digger.

I say this kindly, but your reading comprehension isn't good, or else you read through your own lens and didn't fully grasp what OP is saying. She is saying that this is what the Ex is saying about her, when in fact she is only three years younger and has her own business. She is NOT a young gold digger. I will grant you that OP's explanation could have been better. But you need to be able to understand the OP in its entirety. She should have said, WHEN IN FACT I'm 3 years young and own my own business. That would have been clearer.

"well aren't you just such a great catch for OP" or alluding to the fact that I'm a young gold digger (I'm 3 years younger than him and own a business doing really well/we do not share finances at all).

The problem is not my reading comprehension. I have superior reading comprehension. Hence my ability to point out that she literally wrote "alluding to the fact that I'm a gold digger." That is stating she is a gold digger. It might not have been what she meant, but, again, my reading comprehension is not the problem here. I'm also obviously brighter than you if you need this explained.

I read that comment as the ex wife calling the OP a gold digger. Or implying she's one. Nothing more nothing less.
I don't get gold digger from OP .. She has her own company and prob does well for herself. OP also mentioned they do not mix any money.

This is good reading comprehension.

Thank you 😊

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to meet her, have coffee and an excuse to leave quickly if it's not going well. However, you are not obligated to meet her; she sounds a little crazy. DH and I have been married for 10 years. I've spent plenty of time with his kids (now all adults), but I've been in the same space as her maybe 5 times, and rarely conversed. DH did the graduations solo because we live on the other side of the country now and have young kids.

So you married a man who neglected and abandoned his first set of kids. Bravo!

No. His kids were already in or on their way to college in the NE - different states from both parents. And DH remains close with his older kids. They visited on school breaks, and now on work holidays. I haven't needed to have a relationship with his ex thus far; I suppose we may cross paths at a wedding someday.