DH walked out, I think- what do I do now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So there is some weird, threatening, misogynist troll on this thread, repeatedly posting. Ignore this, OP.

I’m the “I’ve been there before” poster. You could make yourself into the tiniest speck possible, and if you won his love that way, what is won? Men who want you to diminish yourself to be worthy of their love also have no ceiling and no floor for this, because it’s not about you. My ex was, and still is, deeply unhappy. Thankfully, I met him when I was old enough that I knew that what was going on between the two of us was deeply abnormal and not a “me” problem. But we didn’t have kids together, so the stakes were different.

If you haven’t been to counseling yet, this is the time. His behavior is not sustainable for a lifetime relationship. And the above poster trying to call you crazy, immature, and get you to break your neck making the environment more “calm and gentle“ for your husband is one of these many guys who believe that women only exist to prop up men. Unfortunately, there’s plenty of them out there.

I don't think so. I think it's different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s having an affair and is looking for a way to make you the bad spouse so he can justify his actions.

this was my first thought too (DP)

Me too, but leaving the phone and car is weird. Unless he had pre-arranged plans to walk over or get picked up

Clearly he simply left the house to get away from crazypants OP and just needed some air. He didn't need his phone or car, he just needed to get the hell away for a bit.

[Anonymous]

Sounds more like he went for a walk. It is very dramatic to say he walked out on you and you are protecting your daughters from the truth…what truth…that he went for a walk.

When someone walks out on the family, they don’t leave their phone and car and all their belongings. If walking out on the family just means go for a walk then we all walk out on our families often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof, I remember this. The silent treatment, the manufacturing of conflicts out of thin air when I asked him what was wrong, the feeling that I annoyed him by even existing, the entitlement to check out or stomp out knowing I would provide continuity for whatever needed to happen….finish cooking, pay the restaurant check, entertain the guests. It was horrible.

Yes he was sleeping around, but that was merely a symptom of deep, pathological selfishness, spiced up by a fun whiff of sociopathy. He was an empathy void. And boy did he hide that well before he locked me down.

You know those men who leave when the wife gets sick? Yeah. I wasn’t going to stick around and find out.

I’m sorry OP. I have been there and for me, it never got better. Maybe it will for you. But I’d take this event as the bellwether it is. With no discussion, and over a nonsense event (the plant thing? Really?), he bailed on you and your kids. Hell, he even endangered the dog by leaving the gate open.

I’m leery of men whose protective instincts of those more vulnerable don’t remain intact in moments like this. They often make bad life partners. I would insist on counseling, no two ways about it.

OP and that is what I needed to hear. Whatever is going on with DH and whatever emotions I dared to express (apparently dcum agrees with him and thinks I need to squish myself down into the tiniest lump possible and not say a word about anything ever) don’t change the fact that he sought to make himself more emotionally comfortable at the expense of one of his own kids having to miss a baseball game or a birthday party and the dog potentially running into a busy street.

Nobody said this OP. They responded to the fact that your DH got irritated and walked out of a room and your reaction, when he didn't come back into the room, was, in your own words: "after 10 minutes I started frantically walking through the house." No one wants to live with someone running around "frantic" because they walked out of a room. The fact that you don't understand that this is not the same thing as "not say a word about anything ever" reveals your profound immaturity. As does your ratcheting the situation up to where a child misses a birthday party or the dog is killed in the street, when your original post suggests nothing beyond a quiet afternoon at home.

He's probably close to done with your emotional immaturity. You better get a handle on your behavior or next time the car and phone will be gone as well.

dp Are you claiming that the husband is the mature one? Do mature people walk out and not discuss what was bothering them? I can't believe the majority of posters are taking his side!

Op I don't know what I would do but, I would seriously think about divorce if you can swing it. This is no way to live

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s having an affair and is looking for a way to make you the bad spouse so he can justify his actions.

this was my first thought too (DP)

Me too, but leaving the phone and car is weird. Unless he had pre-arranged plans to walk over or get picked up

Clearly he simply left the house to get away from crazypants OP and just needed some air. He didn't need his phone or car, he just needed to get the hell away for a bit.

So she is 'crazy pants'? The silent treatment is abuse!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there is some weird, threatening, misogynist troll on this thread, repeatedly posting. Ignore this, OP.

I’m the “I’ve been there before” poster. You could make yourself into the tiniest speck possible, and if you won his love that way, what is won? Men who want you to diminish yourself to be worthy of their love also have no ceiling and no floor for this, because it’s not about you. My ex was, and still is, deeply unhappy. Thankfully, I met him when I was old enough that I knew that what was going on between the two of us was deeply abnormal and not a “me” problem. But we didn’t have kids together, so the stakes were different.

If you haven’t been to counseling yet, this is the time. His behavior is not sustainable for a lifetime relationship. And the above poster trying to call you crazy, immature, and get you to break your neck making the environment more “calm and gentle“ for your husband is one of these many guys who believe that women only exist to prop up men. Unfortunately, there’s plenty of them out there.

I don't think so. I think it's different people.

No, I don't think it is. And it's probably you.

Also who cares? Any poster (one or multiple) trying to blame OP for wondering where her husband went when he left the house without a word to anyone (you don't do this when you have a family), or blame the kids for having activities ("they're overscheduled!"), is just looking for a reason to excuse her H's sh!tty behavior. Per this approach, everyone should tiptoe around the poor guy. No one should ask anything of him. Kids don't need activities. Yard doesn't need to be cleaned. Etc., etc.

Look, some guys just can't do life. They don't reveal it until they're already "life-ing" and they melt down and become 4 year olds. I don't know if OP's guy is one of them. I hope not. But excusing him and blaming her, yeah no thanks. Those marriages fail eventually, no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof, I remember this. The silent treatment, the manufacturing of conflicts out of thin air when I asked him what was wrong, the feeling that I annoyed him by even existing, the entitlement to check out or stomp out knowing I would provide continuity for whatever needed to happen….finish cooking, pay the restaurant check, entertain the guests. It was horrible.

Yes he was sleeping around, but that was merely a symptom of deep, pathological selfishness, spiced up by a fun whiff of sociopathy. He was an empathy void. And boy did he hide that well before he locked me down.

You know those men who leave when the wife gets sick? Yeah. I wasn’t going to stick around and find out.

I’m sorry OP. I have been there and for me, it never got better. Maybe it will for you. But I’d take this event as the bellwether it is. With no discussion, and over a nonsense event (the plant thing? Really?), he bailed on you and your kids. Hell, he even endangered the dog by leaving the gate open.

I’m leery of men whose protective instincts of those more vulnerable don’t remain intact in moments like this. They often make bad life partners. I would insist on counseling, no two ways about it.

OP and that is what I needed to hear. Whatever is going on with DH and whatever emotions I dared to express (apparently dcum agrees with him and thinks I need to squish myself down into the tiniest lump possible and not say a word about anything ever) don’t change the fact that he sought to make himself more emotionally comfortable at the expense of one of his own kids having to miss a baseball game or a birthday party and the dog potentially running into a busy street.

Nobody said this OP. They responded to the fact that your DH got irritated and walked out of a room and your reaction, when he didn't come back into the room, was, in your own words: "after 10 minutes I started frantically walking through the house." No one wants to live with someone running around "frantic" because they walked out of a room. The fact that you don't understand that this is not the same thing as "not say a word about anything ever" reveals your profound immaturity. As does your ratcheting the situation up to where a child misses a birthday party or the dog is killed in the street, when your original post suggests nothing beyond a quiet afternoon at home.

He's probably close to done with your emotional immaturity. You better get a handle on your behavior or next time the car and phone will be gone as well.

dp Are you claiming that the husband is the mature one? Do mature people walk out and not discuss what was bothering them? I can't believe the majority of posters are taking his side!

Op I don't know what I would do but, I would seriously think about divorce if you can swing it. This is no way to live

Have you read OP's posts? The incredible amount of drama in them?

Yes, I'm betting the DH is the more mature one here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds more like he went for a walk. It is very dramatic to say he walked out on you and you are protecting your daughters from the truth…what truth…that he went for a walk.

When someone walks out on the family, they don’t leave their phone and car and all their belongings. If walking out on the family just means go for a walk then we all walk out on our families often.

Picking a fight and then leaving unannounced when there is a full day planned isn't going for a walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s having an affair and is looking for a way to make you the bad spouse so he can justify his actions.

this was my first thought too (DP)

Me too, but leaving the phone and car is weird. Unless he had pre-arranged plans to walk over or get picked up

Clearly he simply left the house to get away from crazypants OP and just needed some air. He didn't need his phone or car, he just needed to get the hell away for a bit.

So she is 'crazy pants'? The silent treatment is abuse!

This word ... I do not think it means what you think it means ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof, I remember this. The silent treatment, the manufacturing of conflicts out of thin air when I asked him what was wrong, the feeling that I annoyed him by even existing, the entitlement to check out or stomp out knowing I would provide continuity for whatever needed to happen….finish cooking, pay the restaurant check, entertain the guests. It was horrible.

Yes he was sleeping around, but that was merely a symptom of deep, pathological selfishness, spiced up by a fun whiff of sociopathy. He was an empathy void. And boy did he hide that well before he locked me down.

You know those men who leave when the wife gets sick? Yeah. I wasn’t going to stick around and find out.

I’m sorry OP. I have been there and for me, it never got better. Maybe it will for you. But I’d take this event as the bellwether it is. With no discussion, and over a nonsense event (the plant thing? Really?), he bailed on you and your kids. Hell, he even endangered the dog by leaving the gate open.

I’m leery of men whose protective instincts of those more vulnerable don’t remain intact in moments like this. They often make bad life partners. I would insist on counseling, no two ways about it.

OP and that is what I needed to hear. Whatever is going on with DH and whatever emotions I dared to express (apparently dcum agrees with him and thinks I need to squish myself down into the tiniest lump possible and not say a word about anything ever) don’t change the fact that he sought to make himself more emotionally comfortable at the expense of one of his own kids having to miss a baseball game or a birthday party and the dog potentially running into a busy street.

Nobody said this OP. They responded to the fact that your DH got irritated and walked out of a room and your reaction, when he didn't come back into the room, was, in your own words: "after 10 minutes I started frantically walking through the house." No one wants to live with someone running around "frantic" because they walked out of a room. The fact that you don't understand that this is not the same thing as "not say a word about anything ever" reveals your profound immaturity. As does your ratcheting the situation up to where a child misses a birthday party or the dog is killed in the street, when your original post suggests nothing beyond a quiet afternoon at home.

He's probably close to done with your emotional immaturity. You better get a handle on your behavior or next time the car and phone will be gone as well.

dp Are you claiming that the husband is the mature one? Do mature people walk out and not discuss what was bothering them? I can't believe the majority of posters are taking his side!

Op I don't know what I would do but, I would seriously think about divorce if you can swing it. This is no way to live

Have you read OP's posts? The incredible amount of drama in them?

Yes, I'm betting the DH is the more mature one here.

And I'm betting you have an Andrew Tate poster on your bedroom wall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there is some weird, threatening, misogynist troll on this thread, repeatedly posting. Ignore this, OP.

I’m the “I’ve been there before” poster. You could make yourself into the tiniest speck possible, and if you won his love that way, what is won? Men who want you to diminish yourself to be worthy of their love also have no ceiling and no floor for this, because it’s not about you. My ex was, and still is, deeply unhappy. Thankfully, I met him when I was old enough that I knew that what was going on between the two of us was deeply abnormal and not a “me” problem. But we didn’t have kids together, so the stakes were different.

If you haven’t been to counseling yet, this is the time. His behavior is not sustainable for a lifetime relationship. And the above poster trying to call you crazy, immature, and get you to break your neck making the environment more “calm and gentle“ for your husband is one of these many guys who believe that women only exist to prop up men. Unfortunately, there’s plenty of them out there.

I don't think so. I think it's different people.

No, I don't think it is. And it's probably you.

Also who cares? Any poster (one or multiple) trying to blame OP for wondering where her husband went when he left the house without a word to anyone (you don't do this when you have a family), or blame the kids for having activities ("they're overscheduled!"), is just looking for a reason to excuse her H's sh!tty behavior. Per this approach, everyone should tiptoe around the poor guy. No one should ask anything of him. Kids don't need activities. Yard doesn't need to be cleaned. Etc., etc.

Look, some guys just can't do life. They don't reveal it until they're already "life-ing" and they melt down and become 4 year olds. I don't know if OP's guy is one of them. I hope not. But excusing him and blaming her, yeah no thanks. Those marriages fail eventually, no matter what.

Well, I'm the PP -- and it's definitely not me. So.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof, I remember this. The silent treatment, the manufacturing of conflicts out of thin air when I asked him what was wrong, the feeling that I annoyed him by even existing, the entitlement to check out or stomp out knowing I would provide continuity for whatever needed to happen….finish cooking, pay the restaurant check, entertain the guests. It was horrible.

Yes he was sleeping around, but that was merely a symptom of deep, pathological selfishness, spiced up by a fun whiff of sociopathy. He was an empathy void. And boy did he hide that well before he locked me down.

You know those men who leave when the wife gets sick? Yeah. I wasn’t going to stick around and find out.

I’m sorry OP. I have been there and for me, it never got better. Maybe it will for you. But I’d take this event as the bellwether it is. With no discussion, and over a nonsense event (the plant thing? Really?), he bailed on you and your kids. Hell, he even endangered the dog by leaving the gate open.

I’m leery of men whose protective instincts of those more vulnerable don’t remain intact in moments like this. They often make bad life partners. I would insist on counseling, no two ways about it.

OP and that is what I needed to hear. Whatever is going on with DH and whatever emotions I dared to express (apparently dcum agrees with him and thinks I need to squish myself down into the tiniest lump possible and not say a word about anything ever) don’t change the fact that he sought to make himself more emotionally comfortable at the expense of one of his own kids having to miss a baseball game or a birthday party and the dog potentially running into a busy street.

Nobody said this OP. They responded to the fact that your DH got irritated and walked out of a room and your reaction, when he didn't come back into the room, was, in your own words: "after 10 minutes I started frantically walking through the house." No one wants to live with someone running around "frantic" because they walked out of a room. The fact that you don't understand that this is not the same thing as "not say a word about anything ever" reveals your profound immaturity. As does your ratcheting the situation up to where a child misses a birthday party or the dog is killed in the street, when your original post suggests nothing beyond a quiet afternoon at home.

He's probably close to done with your emotional immaturity. You better get a handle on your behavior or next time the car and phone will be gone as well.

dp Are you claiming that the husband is the mature one? Do mature people walk out and not discuss what was bothering them? I can't believe the majority of posters are taking his side!

Op I don't know what I would do but, I would seriously think about divorce if you can swing it. This is no way to live

Have you read OP's posts? The incredible amount of drama in them?

Yes, I'm betting the DH is the more mature one here.

And I'm betting you have an Andrew Tate poster on your bedroom wall.

You sound unhinged. — NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof, I remember this. The silent treatment, the manufacturing of conflicts out of thin air when I asked him what was wrong, the feeling that I annoyed him by even existing, the entitlement to check out or stomp out knowing I would provide continuity for whatever needed to happen….finish cooking, pay the restaurant check, entertain the guests. It was horrible.

Yes he was sleeping around, but that was merely a symptom of deep, pathological selfishness, spiced up by a fun whiff of sociopathy. He was an empathy void. And boy did he hide that well before he locked me down.

You know those men who leave when the wife gets sick? Yeah. I wasn’t going to stick around and find out.

I’m sorry OP. I have been there and for me, it never got better. Maybe it will for you. But I’d take this event as the bellwether it is. With no discussion, and over a nonsense event (the plant thing? Really?), he bailed on you and your kids. Hell, he even endangered the dog by leaving the gate open.

I’m leery of men whose protective instincts of those more vulnerable don’t remain intact in moments like this. They often make bad life partners. I would insist on counseling, no two ways about it.

OP and that is what I needed to hear. Whatever is going on with DH and whatever emotions I dared to express (apparently dcum agrees with him and thinks I need to squish myself down into the tiniest lump possible and not say a word about anything ever) don’t change the fact that he sought to make himself more emotionally comfortable at the expense of one of his own kids having to miss a baseball game or a birthday party and the dog potentially running into a busy street.

Nobody said this OP. They responded to the fact that your DH got irritated and walked out of a room and your reaction, when he didn't come back into the room, was, in your own words: "after 10 minutes I started frantically walking through the house." No one wants to live with someone running around "frantic" because they walked out of a room. The fact that you don't understand that this is not the same thing as "not say a word about anything ever" reveals your profound immaturity. As does your ratcheting the situation up to where a child misses a birthday party or the dog is killed in the street, when your original post suggests nothing beyond a quiet afternoon at home.

He's probably close to done with your emotional immaturity. You better get a handle on your behavior or next time the car and phone will be gone as well.

dp Are you claiming that the husband is the mature one? Do mature people walk out and not discuss what was bothering them? I can't believe the majority of posters are taking his side!

Op I don't know what I would do but, I would seriously think about divorce if you can swing it. This is no way to live

Have you read OP's posts? The incredible amount of drama in them?

Yes, I'm betting the DH is the more mature one here.

And I'm betting you have an Andrew Tate poster on your bedroom wall.

I bet you have a mental illness if that is what you immediately think of here.

[Anonymous]

If my husband did this to me I'd be having consults with the best lawyers in the area this week, open separate accounts and start preparing.

Maybe your husband has a burner phone he uses to troll dcum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there is some weird, threatening, misogynist troll on this thread, repeatedly posting. Ignore this, OP.

I’m the “I’ve been there before” poster. You could make yourself into the tiniest speck possible, and if you won his love that way, what is won? Men who want you to diminish yourself to be worthy of their love also have no ceiling and no floor for this, because it’s not about you. My ex was, and still is, deeply unhappy. Thankfully, I met him when I was old enough that I knew that what was going on between the two of us was deeply abnormal and not a “me” problem. But we didn’t have kids together, so the stakes were different.

If you haven’t been to counseling yet, this is the time. His behavior is not sustainable for a lifetime relationship. And the above poster trying to call you crazy, immature, and get you to break your neck making the environment more “calm and gentle“ for your husband is one of these many guys who believe that women only exist to prop up men. Unfortunately, there’s plenty of them out there.

I don't think so. I think it's different people.

No, I don't think it is. And it's probably you.

Also who cares? Any poster (one or multiple) trying to blame OP for wondering where her husband went when he left the house without a word to anyone (you don't do this when you have a family), or blame the kids for having activities ("they're overscheduled!"), is just looking for a reason to excuse her H's sh!tty behavior. Per this approach, everyone should tiptoe around the poor guy. No one should ask anything of him. Kids don't need activities. Yard doesn't need to be cleaned. Etc., etc.

Look, some guys just can't do life. They don't reveal it until they're already "life-ing" and they melt down and become 4 year olds. I don't know if OP's guy is one of them. I hope not. But excusing him and blaming her, yeah no thanks. Those marriages fail eventually, no matter what.

+1