DH walked out, I think- what do I do now?

[Anonymous]

Talk to a lawyer. Hire a PI. They can get evidence admissible in court. STD check. Credit score checks for both of you while you are still married. Hire a forensic accountant. Get a safety deposit box and move you & your children’s documents into the box.

If he’s just below C-suite, you aren’t without options……you just might not like them. Come up with a plan. Public school? Trading in cars for less expensive ones?

I think affair too. He can be moving a ton of joint money into secret accounts while you are trying to save things.

STOP covering for him with the kids. Husband picks a fight and stomps out leaving you with both kids and different activities? You say “Dad left. I don’t know why. I thought he was going to be here to help get you to practice today as well. I’m here so let’s get in the car and get everyone to where they need to be.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s having an affair and is looking for a way to make you the bad spouse so he can justify his actions.

THIS.

[Anonymous]

You say you can’t leave but what is your plan for when he leaves you?

He has been clear for years that family life is not his thing.

Time to let denial go.

He has one or more APs, likely colleagues.

[Anonymous]

He was in Asia banging a co-worker for 100 days in your kid’s first months of life. How was that not a clue, OP?

A current side piece is likely pressuring him to leave the family. That is who he was with when he picked a fight and walked out.

He is increasingly disengaged and hostile. Do you see how this is trending?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a lawyer. Hire a PI. They can get evidence admissible in court. STD check. Credit score checks for both of you while you are still married. Hire a forensic accountant. Get a safety deposit box and move you & your children’s documents into the box.

If he’s just below C-suite, you aren’t without options……you just might not like them. Come up with a plan. Public school? Trading in cars for less expensive ones?

I think affair too. He can be moving a ton of joint money into secret accounts while you are trying to save things.

STOP covering for him with the kids. Husband picks a fight and stomps out leaving you with both kids and different activities? You say “Dad left. I don’t know why. I thought he was going to be here to help get you to practice today as well. I’m here so let’s get in the car and get everyone to where they need to be.”

It's a SAFE deposit box

[Anonymous]

Hi Op. Hope you're hanging in there. I was hopeful in your initial post this was a random one-off but based on other stuff you've said it does seem like something is going on.

I'm sorry this is happening to you and your kids. Lots of us here have been there. Whatever it turns out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say you can’t leave but what is your plan for when he leaves you?

He has been clear for years that family life is not his thing.

Time to let denial go.

He has one or more APs, likely colleagues.

x100000

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. BT and it sucks.

If you have a lower COL area where you and the kids have more support, really consider it.

I know you say you have no family but that still does not make clinging to a bad guy wise. No one is going to rescue you and the kids, you need to do it. The clock is ticking and his hostility is increasing. When I was getting divorced there were local Meet Up groups that were a good source of info and support. Some churches also have support groups for divorcing families. Connect with your new tribe there.

Best to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say you can’t leave but what is your plan for when he leaves you?

He has been clear for years that family life is not his thing.

Time to let denial go.

He has one or more APs, likely colleagues.

I was OP last year. It was brutal. He left. I never saw it coming because I didn't want to believe that he could do that to us. But he did. If you can see it coming, start preparing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you can’t leave but what is your plan for when he leaves you?

He has been clear for years that family life is not his thing.

Time to let denial go.

He has one or more APs, likely colleagues.

I was OP last year. It was brutal. He left. I never saw it coming because I didn't want to believe that he could do that to us. But he did. If you can see it coming, start preparing.

OP, please heed this wise advice! You literally cannot afford to stay in denial.

STD check

Lawyer consults

Make plans, perhaps to relocate. Having more support and distance from his hostility may lead to better quality of life for you and the kids. Can you work remotely? Start looking for a new job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you can’t leave but what is your plan for when he leaves you?

He has been clear for years that family life is not his thing.

Time to let denial go.

He has one or more APs, likely colleagues.

I was OP last year. It was brutal. He left. I never saw it coming because I didn't want to believe that he could do that to us. But he did. If you can see it coming, start preparing.

++ even as he was still freely spending money on "us".

[Anonymous]

I am not OP but had a similar experience and my husband left a few times "overnight" and then woudl come back and start over. I did my investigations and no affair, just a midlife crisis. He finally left, contacted a lawyer, got a place to live, etc. then decided he didn't want that. He is back now after me making him stay away for a few months, but I see him sliding and not willing do the work. Two teenagers who are done with him too, but not sure I am strong enough to leave or what that looks like.

[Anonymous]

How are things, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, hope you and kids are doing ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not OP but had a similar experience and my husband left a few times "overnight" and then woudl come back and start over. I did my investigations and no affair, just a midlife crisis. He finally left, contacted a lawyer, got a place to live, etc. then decided he didn't want that. He is back now after me making him stay away for a few months, but I see him sliding and not willing do the work. Two teenagers who are done with him too, but not sure I am strong enough to leave or what that looks like.

m

Yikes … allowing this then involving kids

Hopefully you don’t allow him
back to re- offend.