DH walked out, I think- what do I do now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he’s having an affair - sorry

+1

[Anonymous]

I made to page 4 before I had to stop reading. OP you are in an abusive relationship.

With DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he's melting down and something that would/should normally be an arguement is...this.

How old is he? How old are your kids? What else is going on in your lives or his life? How stressful are your lives, typicaly, and honestly?

I would do your best to get through the day and try to be kind when he comes back. It's overwhelmingly likely he just had a meltdown and was overwhelmed. I don't think he left you. But he needs to come back and talk and apologize for stranding you and leaving the gate open. Sorry, OP!

I don’t think he left me-left me. But I don’t know what to say to get him to see how immature and unfair he is. And selfish.

I cannot imagine a scenario where I would feel like I could just walk out of the house and know that someone else was there to back me up and it wouldn’t impact anyone. I don’t understand how he perceives his place in our marriage and family life if he thinks he can just get annoyed, give someone the silent treatment, and literally walk away when things are hard for him. If I walked every time things were hard or overwhelming for me, I’d be halfway around the globe by now.

Kids are late elementary, we’re mid-40s. His job is in a straightforward or maybe even fun phase- he’s just below c-suite and has earned a lot of flexibility and opportunity. Biggest stress I can identify right now is one child switching to a new school due to bullying and we have contractors coming this week to replace the air conditioner unit.

I'm a woman and I have had times when I have felt like I needed to get away for a bit and so I did. My husband was home with the kids and they were fine. Yard work and errands can wait. Honestly, you're being just as immature, unfair, and selfish as he is. Let him have his space.

You didnt notify your spouse that you were leaving? And you did not bring your phone or say Ill be a few hours I need space?

Does anyone else find it bizarre that many on this thread think you have to “notify“ a spouse before leaving your own house? That’s bizarre and controlling.

What? No, it's not. When you are parents and you have children, it's perfectly normal to tell the people who care about you that are you are leaving the house so that they aren't concerned and wondering where you are. Is there something wrong with you? You are not well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Oof, I remember this. The silent treatment, the manufacturing of conflicts out of thin air when I asked him what was wrong, the feeling that I annoyed him by even existing, the entitlement to check out or stomp out knowing I would provide continuity for whatever needed to happen….finish cooking, pay the restaurant check, entertain the guests. It was horrible.

Yes he was sleeping around, but that was merely a symptom of deep, pathological selfishness, spiced up by a fun whiff of sociopathy. He was an empathy void. And boy did he hide that well before he locked me down.

You know those men who leave when the wife gets sick? Yeah. I wasn’t going to stick around and find out.

I’m sorry OP. I have been there and for me, it never got better. Maybe it will for you. But I’d take this event as the bellwether it is. With no discussion, and over a nonsense event (the plant thing? Really?), he bailed on you and your kids. Hell, he even endangered the dog by leaving the gate open.

I’m leery of men whose protective instincts of those more vulnerable don’t remain intact in moments like this. They often make bad life partners. I would insist on counseling, no two ways about it.

OP and that is what I needed to hear. Whatever is going on with DH and whatever emotions I dared to express (apparently dcum agrees with him and thinks I need to squish myself down into the tiniest lump possible and not say a word about anything ever) don’t change the fact that he sought to make himself more emotionally comfortable at the expense of one of his own kids having to miss a baseball game or a birthday party and the dog potentially running into a busy street.

Nobody said this OP. They responded to the fact that your DH got irritated and walked out of a room and your reaction, when he didn't come back into the room, was, in your own words: "after 10 minutes I started frantically walking through the house." No one wants to live with someone running around "frantic" because they walked out of a room. The fact that you don't understand that this is not the same thing as "not say a word about anything ever" reveals your profound immaturity. As does your ratcheting the situation up to where a child misses a birthday party or the dog is killed in the street, when your original post suggests nothing beyond a quiet afternoon at home.

He's probably close to done with your emotional immaturity. You better get a handle on your behavior or next time the car and phone will be gone as well.

He left the house without notifying his spouse. That fact that is okay with anyone on this board shows this area is full of sociopaths.

Let's walk through this - how do you think it would have gone if he had used his words and told OP that he needed to take a breather? Seriously, walk me through it.

Husband: I am really upset about this situation and I do not know how to talk to you about it right now. I need some space so that we can have a discussion and not a fight. Can I please take an hour and just go for a walk?
OP: Absolutely not! We have to go to Target because I decided that both of us needed to run that errands and you need to mow the lawn and and and and

See?

Are you stupid, the conversation would not go this way. The conversation would be husband saying "I need to take a break. I am going to take a walk." and then leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Why couldn't OP drop kid off st baseball and other at party? Do parents have to stay at both events?

I’ll say it slowly so you understand. It’s both parents’ jobs to parent. They can divide and conquer, or one person can do it, but you can’t vanish with no phone, no explanation, and no previously discussed plan. If you want no obligations to others, remain single and childless.

My God how do you people function in life? This is like explaining to a toddler how to wash their hands.

You sound like a real peach.

When one of us is sick, or busy, or whatever, the other one steps up. Your marriage sounds like a nightmare.

I'm so confused. Did you read what you were replying to? You are agreeing with PP. Unless you regularly leave the house and your children without any commenting no way of contacting you? Because if that's the case, I think YOUR marriage is the one that is the nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband has every right to walk away when upset + angry…..

However not if one of your children needs to be somewhere as well as not if he leaves the gate open where your dog could have gotten loose and run away, got hit by a car or even stolen.

Can you imagine if you as the Mother did this??!
People would be judging you so harshly!

Disappearing for hours without a word borders on abuse. My mother actually did this to me and my sister as a kid. My dad was traveling and she got mad at us and just left for 8-10 hours. This was before cell phones. I was around 12 and remember not knowing where she was or if she was ever coming back.

This is not abuse. Happened in my family all the time. You know the person is coming back. This is dramatic and unhelpful. People are allowed to take a break and decompress. Yes, for that much time. No, they don’t need to tell you where they are going.

OK, so you're the one that was trolling OP. Your family and relationships are not healthy. You are the psychotic one here, sweetie, not OP.