Hookup Culture

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hooking up with a different guy every weekend? as in FULL hookup?

gross!

I have two college sons who are D1 athletes at P4 schools. They told me that they are sleeping with different women every few days because women want them. Many of these women get passed around by athletes. My sons told me they will sleep with these women, but no serious relationship with them because of their sexual activities.

I think you went astray raising these young men.

They don’t see women as equal humans. They use them for their body parts .

I would be very disappointed if my sons were like yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

Why wouldn’t a guy want to date her? She isn’t obligated to tell him “her number” and any guy that would ask this and demand to know isn’t worth dating.

Guys in college talk (ie, brag).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't know. I have nothing against an occasional hookup, but the folks I knew in college who hooked up every weekend all seemed to have issues of some sort, whether it was drinking issues or confidence issues or body issues. It was weird that they didn't want a relationship. But I also married my college sweetheart, so I lean towards finding your person and not playing the field.

I used to think this way. I'm in my fifties and some of the people who drank heavily and hooked up every weekend have stable careers and have been married with children for 20+ years. Meanwhile, some of the conservative Christians who never drank, never slept around, etc either never married or they are divorced and navigating joint custody arrangements these days.

I'm sort of blown away that it did not work out for the rigid, rule following, purity crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hooking up with a different guy every weekend? as in FULL hookup?

gross!

I have two college sons who are D1 athletes at P4 schools. They told me that they are sleeping with different women every few days because women want them. Many of these women get passed around by athletes. My sons told me they will sleep with these women, but no serious relationship with them because of their sexual activities.

I think you went astray raising these young men.

They don’t see women as equal humans. They use them for their body parts .

I would be very disappointed if my sons were like yours.

Let’s be clear. Your sons wish they were getting that action rather than having to play video games on Saturday night.

[Anonymous]

That’s not ok, I would continue to be supportive and listen. There may be something she is trying to cope with or recover from. I’d definitely send her info from wisp or Dr b to stay free of disease. I’m sorry she is going through this, and sorry for you too.

[Anonymous]

College is now very much a hook up culture. My DD learned that her freshman year and is basically celibate as a senior as she’s over it. New found freedoms will do that to you but they eventually learn the lesson. I’d definitely talk with her about alcohol and consent but otherwise, yes this is happening with regularity at most colleges nowadays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

Why wouldn’t a guy want to date her? She isn’t obligated to tell him “her number” and any guy that would ask this and demand to know isn’t worth dating.

They’ll all date, few will want to marry her.

I'm the PP who said I was probably a lot like her daughter. I, along with most of my friends who also happily hooked up a lot in college, are all happily married with families now. Not sure why people always post that they won't be able to have relationships when they want them. None of us had trouble getting boyfriends when we actually wanted to settle down in a relationship.

That depends on how honest you are, and how early in the relationship.

This. I’m yet to meet a reasonable decent man that would knowingly want to marry a girl who has lived it up with 30+ guys in college…

Because how many men a woman has slept with in the past isn’t anyone’s business- including whoever she is dating/married to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

Why wouldn’t a guy want to date her? She isn’t obligated to tell him “her number” and any guy that would ask this and demand to know isn’t worth dating.

Guys in college talk (ie, brag).

College is a big place. The thousands of men that attend do not all know each other. Besides, life after college is a new start anyhow

[Anonymous]

So this is interesting. I was talking to two other friends a couple months ago and all of us admitted to having more partners than our husband, mostly as a result of college hook up culture. We all felt we were “slutty” in college. Two of us came from Catholic upbringings (think PreK-12th Catholic school).

We are all nearing 50, with high level careers, upper middle class, one marriage, and pretty happy/confident overall (including our current sex lives).

I am only saying this because obviously there is still such a stigma surrounding women and sex. While my daughter has only had one long term boyfriend, I let him stay in our house, in her bed, when he visits. Same with my son’s girlfriends. Both my kids do not feel nearly as stigmatized by their sexual choices, and I think that is so healthy.

OP, if your daughter is being safe (mentally and physically) let her be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

Having sex with someone new every weekend? I would care.

I would have a hear to heart talk with my son about making good choices and how the woman he wants to meet might not want to meet him if he stays that course.
Of all the decisions your child makes in their life, where they go to college pales in comparison to who they marry.

How are they going to know who they are compatible with if all they look for is good sex?
Dating is a bit of a numbers game but you should not be depending on the law of large numbers if you are trying to find that one outlier that is perfect for you.
I would advise my son to try to limit himself to one ONS per semester and otherwise try to date a girl a few times before jumping into bed with them. Not out of some antiquated notion of respect but just so you can weed out the crazies.

And yeah, noone wants to date a girl if she is ran through. And that college reputation can stick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

Why wouldn’t a guy want to date her? She isn’t obligated to tell him “her number” and any guy that would ask this and demand to know isn’t worth dating.

You don't have to ask a girl about her reputation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

Why wouldn’t a guy want to date her? She isn’t obligated to tell him “her number” and any guy that would ask this and demand to know isn’t worth dating.

They’ll all date, few will want to marry her.

I'm the PP who said I was probably a lot like her daughter. I, along with most of my friends who also happily hooked up a lot in college, are all happily married with families now. Not sure why people always post that they won't be able to have relationships when they want them. None of us had trouble getting boyfriends when we actually wanted to settle down in a relationship.

That depends on how honest you are, and how early in the relationship.

This. I’m yet to meet a reasonable decent man that would knowingly want to marry a girl who has lived it up with 30+ guys in college…

A reasonable man who had no better options but to take a chance on a woman like this hoping family life with settle her down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't know. I have nothing against an occasional hookup, but the folks I knew in college who hooked up every weekend all seemed to have issues of some sort, whether it was drinking issues or confidence issues or body issues. It was weird that they didn't want a relationship. But I also married my college sweetheart, so I lean towards finding your person and not playing the field.

I used to think this way. I'm in my fifties and some of the people who drank heavily and hooked up every weekend have stable careers and have been married with children for 20+ years. Meanwhile, some of the conservative Christians who never drank, never slept around, etc either never married or they are divorced and navigating joint custody arrangements these days.

I'm sort of blown away that it did not work out for the rigid, rule following, purity crowd.

In my 50s also and it's literally opposite in my own experience.

[Anonymous]

What does your DD mean by “hooking up”? We did a lot of this in college, but it meant making out (kissing and touching), not having sex. We all did a lot of hooking up aka making out but only had sex when we had boyfriends. I’d be very disturbed if my DD, or my DS, was having sex with different people regularly. It wouldn’t bother me in the least if they were making out but it stopped there.

[Anonymous]

Do students at William & Mary hookup?