Husband is furious at me for telling his mother to stop talking down to me at dinner

[Anonymous]

Typo … DH’s not dog’s response

But, it would be hilarious if a dog was involved as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All 3 of you are in the wrong here…

Yes and the husband and MIL dislike OP and she dislikes them back. Not sure why they’d remain married as there seems to be no kids.

And WTF with the husband having a place he can stomp off to spend the night on the fly. Girlfriend? It’d explain his hostility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were absolutely wrong to use your phone at the dinner table/during a meal.

You could have avoided the whole thing if when she called you out for your poor table manners, you'd said, "You're right Molly, I'm sorry. I won't check my phone at the table ever again."

This is ridiculous. There are many reasons in life that might necessitate someone briefly checking their phone at the table. OP is not a child and doesn’t need to make unkeepable promises to her MIL.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This afternoon my husband tells me he is so embarrassed of me as I create chaos everywhere I go and i cannot let things go.

If you are Asian, let me, as an older Asian immigrant married to a social register family, say, most Americans are not as blunt as Asians are.
Members of my natal Chinese family have been described as conflict prone, scrappy and rude. These are descriptions from their friends.
And yes, members of my natal family seem to create chaos and cannot let things go. Behavior that seem the norm and acceptable in Asia are not always applicable here. You are in the US and married to an American, get with the program.

I recommend that you take some thoughtful breaths before your next rebuttal to comments. And consider how you make others feel with your actions and words. In this case, consider how it feels to prepare a nice meal and have your guest be distractedly checking her phone constantly. Table manners is a thing in Western society.

Look at you talking down to OP.

Yup, OP needs to stop being defensive and be more self-aware.
But she probably won't given her victimized storyline.

I think everyone is being too harsh to OP. She made a mistake, and, yes, she doesn’t seem to accept that it was a mistake. However, her MILs and Dogs response was incredibly rude and inconsiderate. When you care about a person and you see them making a mistake, you can point it out in a respectful or kind tone. Instead, for whatever reason, MIL and DH went for OP’s jugular.

It’s clear the MIL and DH neither like nor respect OP. MIL feels comfortable using her as a punching bag because she knows there will be no pushback from her son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on OP’s side. MIL overreacted and got what she deserves. Checking a phone at the table is fine.

+1

Agree. I quick glance down at your phone is that triggering? Drama queen much?

I would be on MIL’s side if op was constantly checking, scrolling and typing on her phone but that seems to be not the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how you wrote this with lots of extraneous details to try to make yourself look good and garner sympathy.

I can distill it down for everyone TLDR - DIL attends a holiday dinner at MIL’s house and tackily brings phone to the table and proceeds to check it. Then proceeds to get offended that MIL is offended.

You are sooo the problem.

Yeah, did you catch the part about how MIL “snapped” at sick FIL about the broccoli thing? Bad MIL, saintly OP - Lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!

You were fine, OP.
Look at the bigger picture of your overall marriage. If you don’t have kids then think if this is how you want to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!

See what I mean? Defensive and without self-reflection or awareness.
No wonder she is in a bad marriage that she insists on being in. Gah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!

Team You.
You’re grown. ❤️
Glad you spoke up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how you wrote this with lots of extraneous details to try to make yourself look good and garner sympathy.

I can distill it down for everyone TLDR - DIL attends a holiday dinner at MIL’s house and tackily brings phone to the table and proceeds to check it. Then proceeds to get offended that MIL is offended.

You are sooo the problem.

Yeah, did you catch the part about how MIL “snapped” at sick FIL about the broccoli thing? Bad MIL, saintly OP - Lol!

OP here. I know you want to bully me but MIL is always yelling and snapping at FIL as his rapid decline scares and frustrates her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!

Bringing your phone to the table at all is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!

See what I mean? Defensive and without self-reflection or awareness.
No wonder she is in a bad marriage that she insists on being in. Gah.

What aspect of this needs to be reflected on? Under no circumstances does an adult glancing at their phone require another adult to attempt to humiliate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how you wrote this with lots of extraneous details to try to make yourself look good and garner sympathy.

I can distill it down for everyone TLDR - DIL attends a holiday dinner at MIL’s house and tackily brings phone to the table and proceeds to check it. Then proceeds to get offended that MIL is offended.

You are sooo the problem.

Yeah, did you catch the part about how MIL “snapped” at sick FIL about the broccoli thing? Bad MIL, saintly OP - Lol!

OP here. I know you want to bully me but MIL is always yelling and snapping at FIL as his rapid decline scares and frustrates her.

OP can you be kinder and empathize with her situation?

Or if you don't have kids just get divorced. You deserve someone who respects you

[Anonymous]

My MIL had great manners in person, but was a terrible gossip and spoke about everyone behind their backs. I actually prefer people who are blunt or direct or rude (however you want to say it) in person.