Husband is furious at me for telling his mother to stop talking down to me at dinner

[Anonymous]

Checking your phone at the table is rude and disrespectful. You were in the wrong, and instead of apologizing, you escalated the situation.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL’s reaction was way over the top. She loses any points she might have gotten for correcting your behavior at thr table. Your DH also did not help matters. I’d be charitable since she’s dealing with a sick spouse but the punishment didn’t fit the crime.

[Anonymous]

DH was wrong for instigating a stomp off. Both ladies should have shut it after one complaint to each other and apologized.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound like either your husband or his family like you much, OP. How is your married life in general?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It doesn’t sound like either your husband or his family like you much, OP. How is your married life in general?

Op here. Not great. My MIL hasn't particularly liked me and caused interference many times.Husband is manipulative and emotionally absuive. its par for the course for them to pin everything on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It doesn’t sound like either your husband or his family like you much, OP. How is your married life in general?

Op here. Not great. My MIL hasn't particularly liked me and caused interference many times.Husband is manipulative and emotionally absuive. it’s par for the course for them to pin everything on me.

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Oh brother, just say sorry or ignore her comment. This woe is me stuff has to go. I’m 37 years old!!!!

[Anonymous]

Look, you chose to take a stand so accept the consequences. You can’t control other people.

You picked the hill, so there you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH was wrong for instigating a stomp off. Both ladies should have shut it after one complaint to each other and apologized.

+1, DH is the most in the wrong here.
OP and her MIL both escalated when they didn't need to, though MIL should have said nothing in the first place. No heroes in this story.

OP, you should reach out to MIL, apologize, and offer to visit (without DH). Be the bigger person there.
But personally, I would also need to have this out with DH. Mutual apologies required but his is the bigger one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It doesn’t sound like either your husband or his family like you much, OP. How is your married life in general?

Op here. Not great. My MIL hasn't particularly liked me and caused interference many times.Husband is manipulative and emotionally absuive. it's par for the course for them to pin everything on me.

NP. Why are you staying married to someone emotionally abusive and manipulative? Get a divorce and marry a man who likes screens at all times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It doesn’t sound like either your husband or his family like you much, OP. How is your married life in general?

Op here. Not great. My MIL hasn't particularly liked me and caused interference many times.Husband is manipulative and emotionally absuive. it's par for the course for them to pin everything on me.

NP. Why are you staying married to someone emotionally abusive and manipulative? Get a divorce and marry a man who likes screens at all times.

That is unnecessarily snarky.

[Anonymous]

OP, your phone should not be visible at the dinner table. It should not be in your lap, either. Leave it in your purse somewhere away from the table, or put it on a shelf or side table away from the dinner table. I can't believe you just pulled out your phone at the dinner table, as a guest, on a holiday no less. Even my kids would have viewed this as tacky at this point.

I don't understand how you got this far in life and never learned that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It doesn’t sound like either your husband or his family like you much, OP. How is your married life in general?

Op here. Not great. My MIL hasn't particularly liked me and caused interference many times.Husband is manipulative and emotionally absuive. its par for the course for them to pin everything on me.

Of the two problems you have, the husband problem is the main one. You should be posting and asking for advice about that.

[Anonymous]

You are incredibly rude to bring your phone to the table and check it. You pay attention to the people you are with - you can join the chat after. You don’t need to be on it in that moment - it’s not like you can’t catch up on it later. I can’t imagine going to a holiday dinner and acting like I’d rather be with other people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This afternoon my husband tells me he is so embarrassed of me as I create chaos everywhere I go and i cannot let things go.

If you are Asian, let me, as an older Asian immigrant married to a social register family, say, most Americans are not as blunt as Asians are.
Members of my natal Chinese family have been described as conflict prone, scrappy and rude. These are descriptions from their friends.
And yes, members of my natal family seem to create chaos and cannot let things go. Behavior that seem the norm and acceptable in Asia are not always applicable here. You are in the US and married to an American, get with the program.

I recommend that you take some thoughtful breaths before your next rebuttal to comments. And consider how you make others feel with your actions and words. In this case, consider how it feels to prepare a nice meal and have your guest be distractedly checking her phone constantly. Table manners is a thing in Western society.

[Anonymous]

I’m on OP’s side. MIL overreacted and got what she deserves. Checking a phone at the table is fine.