Husband is furious at me for telling his mother to stop talking down to me at dinner

[Anonymous]

OP is good. Phone using at dinner, immigrant, and MIL & husband issues do get people riled up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were right. No way my family is in another country and I'm not "allowed" to check-in on my family group chat because of a looney MIL who probably needed a couple more glasses of wine to relax. You looking at your phone was not an evening ruiner, and you damn sure didn't need to be called out.

Your husband is part of the problem. He should've reminded his mother that it was NYE and your family is abroad.

People are nuts. The majority of these comments are nuts. You are not a drama queen nor over dramatic. You deserve just as much respect as his mother and being reprimanded like a child is not where it's at.

+1 this could have been nipped in the bud if he actually GAF about OP. But he doesn't seem to care about her or her family, only his precious mommy.

This is OP. My husband and I have had been having problems for a while and a large source of our issues is his eternal deference to his mother. She is controlling and manipulative and narcissitic who frequently has temper tantrums. My husband is terrified of her and expects me to comply as well...I have dealt with rude, inconsiderate and humiliating behavior from her for years. I put up with it to please my husband but he doesn't care for me anyway. He will always pick his mother over me and my patience has worn thin.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she was in the wrong for the way she reacted (I think it would've been fine for her to politely ask if you would put your phone away while you were at the table), but she's probably under a lot of stress due to caring for a spouse with Parkinson's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm also an immigrant and celebrated NY Eve with American families. Everyone is chatting, calling their loved ones in different countries at the table, raise glasses on video Whatsup calls etc. It fairly typical and well known in expats crowd. I don't know why this forum is so ancient.

Don't let this family destroy your self-esteeme.

It’s different when it’s a small family dinner.

Is it? It's NYE, it was a quick glance. If that prompts you to go on an unhinged rant there is something wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is good. Phone using at dinner, immigrant, and MIL & husband issues do get people riled up.

It's pretty amazing for someone who just a few months ago was posting about being a single woman. The tell is always multiple detailed paragraphs. OP gave herself away when she confused meat with broccoli.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/2025/01/02/update010225

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were right. No way my family is in another country and I'm not "allowed" to check-in on my family group chat because of a looney MIL who probably needed a couple more glasses of wine to relax. You looking at your phone was not an evening ruiner, and you damn sure didn't need to be called out.

Your husband is part of the problem. He should've reminded his mother that it was NYE and your family is abroad.

People are nuts. The majority of these comments are nuts. You are not a drama queen nor over dramatic. You deserve just as much respect as his mother and being reprimanded like a child is not where it's at.

+1 this could have been nipped in the bud if he actually GAF about OP. But he doesn't seem to care about her or her family, only his precious mommy.

This is OP. My husband and I have had been having problems for a while and a large source of our issues is his eternal deference to his mother. She is controlling and manipulative and narcissitic who frequently has temper tantrums. My husband is terrified of her and expects me to comply as well...I have dealt with rude, inconsiderate and humiliating behavior from her for years. I put up with it to please my husband but he doesn't care for me anyway. He will always pick his mother over me and my patience has worn thin.

Did you post the mamas boy thread? If not, you may want to check it out...

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP? Can you support yourself in the US independently ? Is he loaded to compensate you for this nonsense ?

I would be gone from such miserable family in no time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she was in the wrong for the way she reacted (I think it would've been fine for her to politely ask if you would put your phone away while you were at the table), but she's probably under a lot of stress due to caring for a spouse with Parkinson's.

OP here. Honestly, I probably should have just ignored it and changed the topic. I was tired and cranky and was feeling tension with my husband and was on edge. I dont love hurting people and feel sad she was so upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have said: I totally agree with you! But this is different: as you know, my family lives abroad. I communicate with them through our family group chat. They all say hi and wish you and FIL happy new year. I told them your crab crakes are delicious! What is your secret ingredient?

Brilliant! You are very smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on OP’s side. MIL overreacted and got what she deserves. Checking a phone at the table is fine.

No, using your phone at the table or during meals is absolutely poor manners.

Why? OP is thousands of miles away from her home country, her family, her traditions and her culture. It’s very hard being an immigrant and feeling “out of place.” OP is probably home sick, especially with an a-hole husband and a ridiculous MIL. I’d probably be on my phone too if I had to deal with people like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she was in the wrong for the way she reacted (I think it would've been fine for her to politely ask if you would put your phone away while you were at the table), but she's probably under a lot of stress due to caring for a spouse with Parkinson's.

OP here. Honestly, I probably should have just ignored it and changed the topic. I was tired and cranky and was feeling tension with my husband and was on edge. I dont love hurting people and feel sad she was so upset.

Give it up troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were right. No way my family is in another country and I'm not "allowed" to check-in on my family group chat because of a looney MIL who probably needed a couple more glasses of wine to relax. You looking at your phone was not an evening ruiner, and you damn sure didn't need to be called out.

Your husband is part of the problem. He should've reminded his mother that it was NYE and your family is abroad.

People are nuts. The majority of these comments are nuts. You are not a drama queen nor over dramatic. You deserve just as much respect as his mother and being reprimanded like a child is not where it's at.

+1 this could have been nipped in the bud if he actually GAF about OP. But he doesn't seem to care about her or her family, only his precious mommy.

This is OP. My husband and I have had been having problems for a while and a large source of our issues is his eternal deference to his mother. She is controlling and manipulative and narcissitic who frequently has temper tantrums. My husband is terrified of her and expects me to comply as well...I have dealt with rude, inconsiderate and humiliating behavior from her for years. I put up with it to please my husband but he doesn't care for me anyway. He will always pick his mother over me and my patience has worn thin.

Why are you still with them?

[Anonymous]

I'm from an immigrant family and have immigrant friends of both genders, some are here but still there in soul. They are always calling or texting family or friends back home. I don't know how their spouses and others handle this enmeshing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on OP’s side. MIL overreacted and got what she deserves. Checking a phone at the table is fine.

No, using your phone at the table or during meals is absolutely poor manners.

According to...who?? Who makes these rules?! Y'all are clowns for making ish up as you go along. Is this from the Miss Manners 2024 Edition? Please get a life and free yourself from living up to some odd standard that the majority doesn't even care about.

These are common standards of behavior in a civil society that you must have missed while being raised in the barn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on OP’s side. MIL overreacted and got what she deserves. Checking a phone at the table is fine.

No, using your phone at the table or during meals is absolutely poor manners.

According to...who?? Who makes these rules?! Y'all are clowns for making ish up as you go along. Is this from the Miss Manners 2024 Edition? Please get a life and free yourself from living up to some odd standard that the majority doesn't even care about.

These are common standards of behavior in a civil society that you must have missed while being raised in the barn.

Please explain how unhinged rants to your DIL belong in civil society?