Who here knows they are THOSE relatives at Thanksgiving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My picky eating neurodivergent kid is wearing a shirt that says It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.


-She can eat an entire can of jellied cranberry sauce by herself. Her favorite way is to smear it on a tortilla with cream cheese and add shredded chicken.
-She hyperfixates on subjects and then info-dumps everything she's learned about that subject on anyone with an ear. Right now she's very interested in mushrooms. Does she eat mushrooms? No.

Shirt, awesome
Tortilla with cranberry, cream cheese and chicken? Yes please.
Hyperfixating topic- could be interesting!

[Anonymous]

My cousin told me and my husband that we were “those relatives” the last time we went to their house for a holiday so now we have a new tradition. We prefer it, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin told me and my husband that we were “those relatives” the last time we went to their house for a holiday so now we have a new tradition. We prefer it, too.

What was your behavior that makes you “those relatives” in their minds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin told me and my husband that we were “those relatives” the last time we went to their house for a holiday so now we have a new tradition. We prefer it, too.

What was your behavior that makes you “those relatives” in their minds?

My cousin was unhappy with how much my kids ate. We brought food to share but followed the instructions they gave us. I should have gone off script.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand people who bring food and make others heat it up for you or people who bring food only for a member of their family.

I have a kid who has food allergies and is extremely picky. He won’t eat Turkey, gravy, cranberry, masked potatoes, green beans, or salad. Since he was little we had him eat before we arrived then had snacks in the car if the event was several hours long. I served him a plate with a little bit of most things. He learned to move the food around on his plate. He would eat some bread and butter. He serves himself now and does the same.

Obviously family realizes he doesn’t eat much but we realize it is teaching him it is polite thing to do. Taking out your own container of food is always going to be seen as odd.

You are making your son feel like a burden, someone whose existence is shameful, and not to be tolerated. SNACKS IN THE CAR? You are a terrible, terrible parent.

Totally disagree. PP is polite and not putting the burden on the host. You sound like my cousin whose husband brought ham cubes to a Passover Seder and fed them to his 4 and 5 year olds at the table. At a Passover-observant house. Extraordinarily rude and offensive. He should have fed his kids ham outside the house or better yet fed them ahead of time. My kids were 2 and 4 at the time, also picky, and they got a snack earlier so they could make it through the Seder. If they didn’t like what was served oh well, they either ate some anyway or ate something later in the evening.

[Anonymous]

So many assumptions here. Our Thanksgiving meals are potluck so it’s not just a one time conversation - it’s checking in with whomever made multiple dishes to see what’s in them. My extended family will label and accommodate. Little discussion required. My DHs family, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Not this year but my worst example of being that family was discovering at the airport on the way to my SIL’s house for Thanksgiving that my son, who was about 6 or 7, was crawling with lice. (In my defense, I had been away for a couple weeks before that dealing with a parental health crisis, so no mom eyes had been on the child’s head for a little while; my husband had just missed it.) My SIL had a baby and a toddler with long thick lustrous hair. And she had not dealt with kid lice yet, so was not inured at all to the idea. We immediately started treatment and had my son wear a hat covering his whole head while inside their house and to my knowledge nobody else got it—but I was very aware of being a SIL who could turn up in one of these “can you believe it” threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin told me and my husband that we were “those relatives” the last time we went to their house for a holiday so now we have a new tradition. We prefer it, too.

What was your behavior that makes you “those relatives” in their minds?

My cousin was unhappy with how much my kids ate. We brought food to share but followed the instructions they gave us. I should have gone off script.

Oh are your kids the ones who take heaping plates before everyone has had a chance to have some so that the rest have to ration amongst themselves due to clueless children and checked out parents? Then most of that food gets tossed because the kids have no idea what a portion is or how much they will eat. Often with meat, never with the vegetables.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not this year but my worst example of being that family was discovering at the airport on the way to my SIL’s house for Thanksgiving that my son, who was about 6 or 7, was crawling with lice. (In my defense, I had been away for a couple weeks before that dealing with a parental health crisis, so no mom eyes had been on the child’s head for a little while; my husband had just missed it.) My SIL had a baby and a toddler with long thick lustrous hair. And she had not dealt with kid lice yet, so was not inured at all to the idea. We immediately started treatment and had my son wear a hat covering his whole head while inside their house and to my knowledge nobody else got it—but I was very aware of being a SIL who could turn up in one of these “can you believe it” threads.

That’s WILD that you still went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not this year but my worst example of being that family was discovering at the airport on the way to my SIL’s house for Thanksgiving that my son, who was about 6 or 7, was crawling with lice. (In my defense, I had been away for a couple weeks before that dealing with a parental health crisis, so no mom eyes had been on the child’s head for a little while; my husband had just missed it.) My SIL had a baby and a toddler with long thick lustrous hair. And she had not dealt with kid lice yet, so was not inured at all to the idea. We immediately started treatment and had my son wear a hat covering his whole head while inside their house and to my knowledge nobody else got it—but I was very aware of being a SIL who could turn up in one of these “can you believe it” threads.

That’s WILD that you still went.

They should have shaved his head and stayed in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not this year but my worst example of being that family was discovering at the airport on the way to my SIL’s house for Thanksgiving that my son, who was about 6 or 7, was crawling with lice. (In my defense, I had been away for a couple weeks before that dealing with a parental health crisis, so no mom eyes had been on the child’s head for a little while; my husband had just missed it.) My SIL had a baby and a toddler with long thick lustrous hair. And she had not dealt with kid lice yet, so was not inured at all to the idea. We immediately started treatment and had my son wear a hat covering his whole head while inside their house and to my knowledge nobody else got it—but I was very aware of being a SIL who could turn up in one of these “can you believe it” threads.

That’s WILD that you still went.

+1. You ARE “those relatives.” You are. Stay away when you are sick…or infested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand people who bring food and make others heat it up for you or people who bring food only for a member of their family.

I have a kid who has food allergies and is extremely picky. He won’t eat Turkey, gravy, cranberry, masked potatoes, green beans, or salad. Since he was little we had him eat before we arrived then had snacks in the car if the event was several hours long. I served him a plate with a little bit of most things. He learned to move the food around on his plate. He would eat some bread and butter. He serves himself now and does the same.

Obviously family realizes he doesn’t eat much but we realize it is teaching him it is polite thing to do. Taking out your own container of food is always going to be seen as odd.

You are making your son feel like a burden, someone whose existence is shameful, and not to be tolerated. SNACKS IN THE CAR? You are a terrible, terrible parent.

Totally disagree. PP is polite and not putting the burden on the host. You sound like my cousin whose husband brought ham cubes to a Passover Seder and fed them to his 4 and 5 year olds at the table. At a Passover-observant house. Extraordinarily rude and offensive. He should have fed his kids ham outside the house or better yet fed them ahead of time. My kids were 2 and 4 at the time, also picky, and they got a snack earlier so they could make it through the Seder. If they didn’t like what was served oh well, they either ate some anyway or ate something later in the evening.

You have to know this is in no way the same scenario, right?!

[Anonymous]

We avoid gatherings altogether because of drama.
My sister has a mental issue which is not aware of but everyone is avoiding her. And who does she blame? Me! She blames me for all her problems. When in fact everyone contributed to her problems because we spent years (maybe 2 decades) trying to avoid her and her drama.

So, why bother. I just feel bad for my mom that all her kids has so many issues to deal with and they won't pick up the phone to even call their own mom. I am the only one that calls her, answer her calls, take her out once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always stay in a hotel when visiting family even though it makes us appear snobbish. I can handle family gatherings for a few hours but after that I need a break. My teens feel the same.

Anonymous wrote:Yesssss! ‼️

This thread, like so many on DCUM, turns into a circle jerk of misanthropes estranged from their flyover over country families they think they're better than.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have lost our parents. He has no siblings and I have 2. When we all get together everyone is so happy just to be with each other.

No one cares if your kids eats before, during, or after. No one cares if you whip out a container of easy Mac. No one cares if you sleep until 2–we’re going out and we’ll leave you a note. The cousins know they can turn to any adult in the house and will get an acceptable answer. If a kid has a tantrum, maybe it’s the parent that handles it or maybe it’s an older cousin or aunt/uncle. Everyone pitches in and when things off track—and they will, we just go with the flow. And then retell the story years later. Then again, we’re also the family that goes on cruises together and rents a beach house without caring who gets the primary bedroom or who paid more.