Who here knows they are THOSE relatives at Thanksgiving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My picky eating neurodivergent kid is wearing a shirt that says It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.

-She doesn't eat turkey, beef, or ham.
-She doesn't like bread (or stuffing).
-She'll sometimes eat some mashed potatoes but it depends on how they 'feel' when she takes the first bite.
-We bring fresh string beans and roasted Brussels sprouts each year because she loves those. She won't touch MILs green bean casserole or corn casserole.
-This year we are also brining some crabcakes for her that FIL will sauté for her.
-She can eat an entire can of jellied cranberry sauce by herself. Her favorite way is to smear it on a tortilla with cream cheese and add shredded chicken.
-She hyperfixates on subjects and then info-dumps everything she's learned about that subject on anyone with an ear. Right now she's very interested in mushrooms. Does she eat mushrooms? No.
-She will only half pay attention to any game she's participating in and still somehow dominate it and win.
-If you or others around her are talking about a subject she doesn't find interesting, she will tune you out and start telling herself a story in her head. You'll know this is happening because she'll stare straight ahead and eventually start grinning. Which sounds terrible, but it loads better than when she would previously simply state "I don't find this line of conversation interesting" and either leave or start talking about something she wanted.

Meh.. that's not picky. I wouldn't eat most of that, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand people who bring food and make others heat it up for you or people who bring food only for a member of their family.

I have a kid who has food allergies and is extremely picky. He won’t eat Turkey, gravy, cranberry, masked potatoes, green beans, or salad. Since he was little we had him eat before we arrived then had snacks in the car if the event was several hours long. I served him a plate with a little bit of most things. He learned to move the food around on his plate. He would eat some bread and butter. He serves himself now and does the same.

Obviously family realizes he doesn’t eat much but we realize it is teaching him it is polite thing to do. Taking out your own container of food is always going to be seen as odd.

I don't get people like you. I will not go to some people's houses as they are like you. I don't care if you bring food but I'd rather you give me a list of what they will eat and I'll happily make it. I don't eat turkey, cranberry or many other things. If your kid wants a certain brand of something, no problem, I'll get it and make it. Part of hosting is making people feel welcome and feeding them. The you eat when I cook mentality is horrible and you shouldn't host. I will not go to my mom's for this reason. Her food is horrible. Moving food around the plate is rude and everyone knows it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always stay in a hotel when visiting family even though it makes us appear snobbish. I can handle family gatherings for a few hours but after that I need a break. My teens feel the same.

Yesssss! ‼️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these are easy fixes. Just shut up about your dietary restrictions would be a huge improvement.

Sure. But I do ask questions if things have butter so I know if I can eat it or not. And then people ask questions about what I can or can’t eat. And then I explain and then I myself am bored by the conversation. And it just happens because the sweet potatoes you brought look delicious and I want to know if I can eat them. I’d rather talk about something else. Truly.

Let’s guess: vegan? You can eat butter. Truly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these are easy fixes. Just shut up about your dietary restrictions would be a huge improvement.

Sure. But I do ask questions if things have butter so I know if I can eat it or not. And then people ask questions about what I can or can’t eat. And then I explain and then I myself am bored by the conversation. And it just happens because the sweet potatoes you brought look delicious and I want to know if I can eat them. I’d rather talk about something else. Truly.

Let’s guess: vegan? You can eat butter. Truly.

Try again. Lactose intolerant. Make me eat butter and I’ll clear a room with the resulting gas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these are easy fixes. Just shut up about your dietary restrictions would be a huge improvement.

Sure. But I do ask questions if things have butter so I know if I can eat it or not. And then people ask questions about what I can or can’t eat. And then I explain and then I myself am bored by the conversation. And it just happens because the sweet potatoes you brought look delicious and I want to know if I can eat them. I’d rather talk about something else. Truly.

Let’s guess: vegan? You can eat butter. Truly.

Try again. Lactose intolerant. Make me eat butter and I’ll clear a room with the resulting gas.

This is DH (no gluten or dairy). Only, he won’t ask if the sweet potatoes have butter because they look so good and he so badly wants to be able to eat them. He’d rather pretend there’s no way anyone would put butter in sweet potatoes so they are surely safe. Shortly after eating, he’ll be clearing out the room and whining that poor daddy got cross-contaminated!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We live abroad and just do not attend Holiday gatherings with family. We've made our own family of friends, and spend quality time with them.

Very Wise!

[Anonymous]

I wrote and lost a long post about holidays with my ridiculously hyperactive child pre-medication but it got eaten by the internet. We were those guests but there was rarely any wine! Anyway I hear you right down to the “oh god I’m still talking why can I not stop”. I hope it’s a good and not too mortifying day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these are easy fixes. Just shut up about your dietary restrictions would be a huge improvement.

Sure. But I do ask questions if things have butter so I know if I can eat it or not. And then people ask questions about what I can or can’t eat. And then I explain and then I myself am bored by the conversation. And it just happens because the sweet potatoes you brought look delicious and I want to know if I can eat them. I’d rather talk about something else. Truly.

Let’s guess: vegan? You can eat butter. Truly.

Try again. Lactose intolerant. Make me eat butter and I’ll clear a room with the resulting gas.

Nobody will “make you” eat butter. Ask, ONCE, what has butter and we’ll point it out. That’s it. That’s the conversation. If you ask ONCE, I’ll tell you everything that has butter or dairy of any kind. There’s no need to discuss it further.

Better yet, text me a few days before and I’ll text you back everything I’m making or serving and what has dairy. Then we don’t have to talk about it at all. Bet you’ll find a way, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem fine to me, OP. Honestly the only thing you said that annoys me is the phrase "this parenting gig". Just say "parenting"!

^ found the annoying person in their family.

[Anonymous]

Great idea OP! Thanks. Good luck to all.

As a guest, I tend to linger too long and sometimes start a new conversation when I should actually just say good bye.

I don’t always properly interpret the host’s cues about “no don’t worry.” I am happy to help clean up, but once I start, I feel badly leaving you with all those dishes etc….. so then stay longer.

When hosting, I don’t cap the conversation and transition to next phase to signal “time to go.” I worry it’ll be abrupt. And, people wait for me, the host, to signal.

I eat too much! Even though I normally have a small meal before arriving!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these are easy fixes. Just shut up about your dietary restrictions would be a huge improvement.

Sure. But I do ask questions if things have butter so I know if I can eat it or not. And then people ask questions about what I can or can’t eat. And then I explain and then I myself am bored by the conversation. And it just happens because the sweet potatoes you brought look delicious and I want to know if I can eat them. I’d rather talk about something else. Truly.

Let’s guess: vegan? You can eat butter. Truly.

Try again. Lactose intolerant. Make me eat butter and I’ll clear a room with the resulting gas.

Nobody will “make you” eat butter. Ask, ONCE, what has butter and we’ll point it out. That’s it. That’s the conversation. If you ask ONCE, I’ll tell you everything that has butter or dairy of any kind. There’s no need to discuss it further.

Better yet, text me a few days before and I’ll text you back everything I’m making or serving and what has dairy. Then we don’t have to talk about it at all. Bet you’ll find a way, though.

Get him some Lactaid so he can enjoy the sweet potatoes, this is a solvable problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand people who bring food and make others heat it up for you or people who bring food only for a member of their family.

I have a kid who has food allergies and is extremely picky. He won’t eat Turkey, gravy, cranberry, masked potatoes, green beans, or salad. Since he was little we had him eat before we arrived then had snacks in the car if the event was several hours long. I served him a plate with a little bit of most things. He learned to move the food around on his plate. He would eat some bread and butter. He serves himself now and does the same.

Obviously family realizes he doesn’t eat much but we realize it is teaching him it is polite thing to do. Taking out your own container of food is always going to be seen as odd.

I don't get people like you. I will not go to some people's houses as they are like you. I don't care if you bring food but I'd rather you give me a list of what they will eat and I'll happily make it. I don't eat turkey, cranberry or many other things. If your kid wants a certain brand of something, no problem, I'll get it and make it. Part of hosting is making people feel welcome and feeding them. The you eat when I cook mentality is horrible and you shouldn't host. I will not go to my mom's for this reason. Her food is horrible. Moving food around the plate is rude and everyone knows it.

While visiting family for multiple meals, I can see the specific requests (e.g., my neuro divergent nephew eats pizza, chicken tenders, and carrots so we always have that on hand when they visit).

While it depends on how well I know you…. As a guest, I feel it’s reasonable to say what won’t work (allergy or intolerance). But, I don’t think my preferences should dictate your meal planning when you are generously hosting! If I or my kid is super picky, that’s our responsibility to solve… not yours. If I prefer a certain bread, cheese or wine, I will ask if it’s okay to bring that. This is not a restaurant. In most cases, I tell my kids to figure out how to be polite and select what will constitute a meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these are easy fixes. Just shut up about your dietary restrictions would be a huge improvement.

Sure. But I do ask questions if things have butter so I know if I can eat it or not. And then people ask questions about what I can or can’t eat. And then I explain and then I myself am bored by the conversation. And it just happens because the sweet potatoes you brought look delicious and I want to know if I can eat them. I’d rather talk about something else. Truly.

Let’s guess: vegan? You can eat butter. Truly.

Try again. Lactose intolerant. Make me eat butter and I’ll clear a room with the resulting gas.

Nobody will “make you” eat butter. Ask, ONCE, what has butter and we’ll point it out. That’s it. That’s the conversation. If you ask ONCE, I’ll tell you everything that has butter or dairy of any kind. There’s no need to discuss it further.

Better yet, text me a few days before and I’ll text you back everything I’m making or serving and what has dairy. Then we don’t have to talk about it at all. Bet you’ll find a way, though.

Get him some Lactaid so he can enjoy the sweet potatoes, this is a solvable problem.

Gee, if only we thought of that! It’s actually the casein, not the lactose, that causes intolerance issues for many people. Lactaid does nothing in these cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these are easy fixes. Just shut up about your dietary restrictions would be a huge improvement.

Sure. But I do ask questions if things have butter so I know if I can eat it or not. And then people ask questions about what I can or can’t eat. And then I explain and then I myself am bored by the conversation. And it just happens because the sweet potatoes you brought look delicious and I want to know if I can eat them. I’d rather talk about something else. Truly.

Let’s guess: vegan? You can eat butter. Truly.

Try again. Lactose intolerant. Make me eat butter and I’ll clear a room with the resulting gas.

Nobody will “make you” eat butter. Ask, ONCE, what has butter and we’ll point it out. That’s it. That’s the conversation. If you ask ONCE, I’ll tell you everything that has butter or dairy of any kind. There’s no need to discuss it further.

Better yet, text me a few days before and I’ll text you back everything I’m making or serving and what has dairy. Then we don’t have to talk about it at all. Bet you’ll find a way, though.

Get him some Lactaid so he can enjoy the sweet potatoes, this is a solvable problem.

Gee, if only we thought of that! It’s actually the casein, not the lactose, that causes intolerance issues for many people. Lactaid does nothing in these cases.

Then again, ask your host one time. ONCE. It is not a “topic of conversation,” it is a one-time question that will be answered once. Don’t then go on and on about your symptoms or who cares whatever. Just get the question answered and don’t drone on.