Who here knows they are THOSE relatives at Thanksgiving?

[Anonymous]

Inspired by the other thread, which I also love, I offer this.

We are THOSE relatives. Rolling into your gathering with our prickly, neurodiverse tween who will not eat anything offered for dinner, nor help much with clean up, but will binge dessert in staggering amounts and behave badly and/or spend an inordinate amount of time on an iPad.

We bring good, well-prepared food, and try to help where we can. We’d love to help with the dishes so we don’t feel like such a burden.

We might have one beer too many and get a little loud (joyfully? Tearfully?) because this particular parenting gig is hard.

My husband’s stories are too long. I have too many dietary restrictions that I talk about too often. My kid won’t participate in family games, or will try and then quit early or dissolve into tears.

We love you and are happy to be with you. We are getting an AirBnB so that you don’t have to deal with the inevitable evening meltdown of tween.

Who else here knows they’re bringing their own little sh*tshow to Thanksgiving?

[Anonymous]

Yes but my entire family is like that, we're not the worst!

[Anonymous]

You’re a unicorn on DCUM. Everybody else thinks they’re better than their boorish relatives.

[Anonymous]

You seem fine to me, OP. Honestly the only thing you said that annoys me is the phrase "this parenting gig". Just say "parenting"!

[Anonymous]

This kind of breaking my heart because my SIL could be you and would write about herself the same way, except that from the outside it’s clear that she’s crossed into alcohol abuse/alcoholism. And my nephews aren’t getting all of the support they need because the iPad has been the default for a decade and it works, but it’s taken away opportunities they might have had to connect to people in their own way. So now they’re very isolated and lonely.

So I guess just be careful…it’s a fine line and I admire your awarensss but also worry about you.

[Anonymous]

I drink enough to take the edge off the ghastliness. My relatives consider that too much; I consider it the perfect amount.

[Anonymous]

Some of these are easy fixes. Just shut up about your dietary restrictions would be a huge improvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem fine to me, OP. Honestly the only thing you said that annoys me is the phrase "this parenting gig". Just say "parenting"!

OMG. the correctors have entered the chat. OP you sound funny and kind. Have another drink (ignore the alcohol police!) and I’m thankful for people like you with a sense of humor!

[Anonymous]

We always stay in a hotel when visiting family even though it makes us appear snobbish. I can handle family gatherings for a few hours but after that I need a break. My teens feel the same.

[Anonymous]

We live abroad and just do not attend Holiday gatherings with family. We've made our own family of friends, and spend quality time with them.

[Anonymous]

My picky eating neurodivergent kid is wearing a shirt that says It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.

-She doesn't eat turkey, beef, or ham.
-She doesn't like bread (or stuffing).
-She'll sometimes eat some mashed potatoes but it depends on how they 'feel' when she takes the first bite.
-We bring fresh string beans and roasted Brussels sprouts each year because she loves those. She won't touch MILs green bean casserole or corn casserole.
-This year we are also brining some crabcakes for her that FIL will sauté for her.
-She can eat an entire can of jellied cranberry sauce by herself. Her favorite way is to smear it on a tortilla with cream cheese and add shredded chicken.
-She hyperfixates on subjects and then info-dumps everything she's learned about that subject on anyone with an ear. Right now she's very interested in mushrooms. Does she eat mushrooms? No.
-She will only half pay attention to any game she's participating in and still somehow dominate it and win.
-If you or others around her are talking about a subject she doesn't find interesting, she will tune you out and start telling herself a story in her head. You'll know this is happening because she'll stare straight ahead and eventually start grinning. Which sounds terrible, but it loads better than when she would previously simply state "I don't find this line of conversation interesting" and either leave or start talking about something she wanted.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with picky. Cousins in my family are all like this, so we just... make a couple of dishes they like. Because they are treasured guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My picky eating neurodivergent kid is wearing a shirt that says It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.

-She doesn't eat turkey, beef, or ham.
-She doesn't like bread (or stuffing).
-She'll sometimes eat some mashed potatoes but it depends on how they 'feel' when she takes the first bite.
-We bring fresh string beans and roasted Brussels sprouts each year because she loves those. She won't touch MILs green bean casserole or corn casserole.
-This year we are also brining some crabcakes for her that FIL will sauté for her.
-She can eat an entire can of jellied cranberry sauce by herself. Her favorite way is to smear it on a tortilla with cream cheese and add shredded chicken.
-She hyperfixates on subjects and then info-dumps everything she's learned about that subject on anyone with an ear. Right now she's very interested in mushrooms. Does she eat mushrooms? No.
-She will only half pay attention to any game she's participating in and still somehow dominate it and win.
-If you or others around her are talking about a subject she doesn't find interesting, she will tune you out and start telling herself a story in her head. You'll know this is happening because she'll stare straight ahead and eventually start grinning. Which sounds terrible, but it loads better than when she would previously simply state "I don't find this line of conversation interesting" and either leave or start talking about something she wanted.

Ha! She sounds great. I have a neurodivergent kid who smiles to himself when he's off in his own world. He has a lovely smile.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand people who bring food and make others heat it up for you or people who bring food only for a member of their family.

I have a kid who has food allergies and is extremely picky. He won’t eat Turkey, gravy, cranberry, masked potatoes, green beans, or salad. Since he was little we had him eat before we arrived then had snacks in the car if the event was several hours long. I served him a plate with a little bit of most things. He learned to move the food around on his plate. He would eat some bread and butter. He serves himself now and does the same.

Obviously family realizes he doesn’t eat much but we realize it is teaching him it is polite thing to do. Taking out your own container of food is always going to be seen as odd.

[Anonymous]

We had three kids in three years and two of them have a little bit of the tism. Sensory issues, lots of screaming, somewhat delayed language. Food preferences. We were also usually coming from overseas and kids were jet lagged. Ended up staying with his parents so we couldn't leave when the meltdown started. we were a total shitshow and I know that people dreaded seeing us coming. Kids are grown now and I am so sympathetic to others in this position. I am often wondering how I can be a better MIL when it's my turn. I don't want my kids to feel like they have to apologize for my kids' behavior and chances are their kids are going to be difficult . . .