Who here knows they are THOSE relatives at Thanksgiving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand people who bring food and make others heat it up for you or people who bring food only for a member of their family.

I have a kid who has food allergies and is extremely picky. He won’t eat Turkey, gravy, cranberry, masked potatoes, green beans, or salad. Since he was little we had him eat before we arrived then had snacks in the car if the event was several hours long. I served him a plate with a little bit of most things. He learned to move the food around on his plate. He would eat some bread and butter. He serves himself now and does the same.

Obviously family realizes he doesn’t eat much but we realize it is teaching him it is polite thing to do. Taking out your own container of food is always going to be seen as odd.

Isn't it much weirder to go out to the car to eat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand people who bring food and make others heat it up for you or people who bring food only for a member of their family.

I have a kid who has food allergies and is extremely picky. He won’t eat Turkey, gravy, cranberry, masked potatoes, green beans, or salad. Since he was little we had him eat before we arrived then had snacks in the car if the event was several hours long. I served him a plate with a little bit of most things. He learned to move the food around on his plate. He would eat some bread and butter. He serves himself now and does the same.

Obviously family realizes he doesn’t eat much but we realize it is teaching him it is polite thing to do. Taking out your own container of food is always going to be seen as odd.

I disagree. I want people to have a good time at my house. If you tell me in advance that you can't eat something, I will have food that works for you. If you want to bring your own that's fine too; ideally let me know how it needs to be stored and warmed so I can work that into my cooking plan. If you need a nap or to go on a walk or to go in the other room and scroll on your phone, it's ok. This is especially true for kids or others who don't have the option of turning down the invitation.

[Anonymous]

It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me 👋

First marriage (to a white guy) I would hold “indigenous people’s thanksgiving” where I would make indigenous food. One year I tried cooking the turkey over a fire and it wasn’t ready until 10pm. XH drew the line at acorns.

We divorced and I ended up marrying a native guy. The first year I started planning my annual indigenous Thanksgiving he was like “wtf is this s*** omg white people”. So now we’re back to mashed potatoes and green bean casserole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me 👋

First marriage (to a white guy) I would hold “indigenous people’s thanksgiving” where I would make indigenous food. One year I tried cooking the turkey over a fire and it wasn’t ready until 10pm. XH drew the line at acorns.

We divorced and I ended up marrying a native guy. The first year I started planning my annual indigenous Thanksgiving he was like “wtf is this s*** omg white people”. So now we’re back to mashed potatoes and green bean casserole.

really???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always stay in a hotel when visiting family even though it makes us appear snobbish. I can handle family gatherings for a few hours but after that I need a break. My teens feel the same.

I'm going to local family, and am planning to arrive around 4:30 or 5, and leave by 8pm at the latest. It's something to get through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand people who bring food and make others heat it up for you or people who bring food only for a member of their family.

I have a kid who has food allergies and is extremely picky. He won’t eat Turkey, gravy, cranberry, masked potatoes, green beans, or salad. Since he was little we had him eat before we arrived then had snacks in the car if the event was several hours long. I served him a plate with a little bit of most things. He learned to move the food around on his plate. He would eat some bread and butter. He serves himself now and does the same.

Obviously family realizes he doesn’t eat much but we realize it is teaching him it is polite thing to do. Taking out your own container of food is always going to be seen as odd.

Go away!
If I cannot take my own food to my family or close friends’ house, WTF why?
If you have issues and bring it to my house, help yourself. I may hear myself don’t don’t mess up my stove, but I’m happy you have what you need and did not have to scarf down food in the car!
WTF!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand people who bring food and make others heat it up for you or people who bring food only for a member of their family.

I have a kid who has food allergies and is extremely picky. He won’t eat Turkey, gravy, cranberry, masked potatoes, green beans, or salad. Since he was little we had him eat before we arrived then had snacks in the car if the event was several hours long. I served him a plate with a little bit of most things. He learned to move the food around on his plate. He would eat some bread and butter. He serves himself now and does the same.

Obviously family realizes he doesn’t eat much but we realize it is teaching him it is polite thing to do. Taking out your own container of food is always going to be seen as odd.

I disagree. I want people to have a good time at my house. If you tell me in advance that you can't eat something, I will have food that works for you. If you want to bring your own that's fine too; ideally let me know how it needs to be stored and warmed so I can work that into my cooking plan. If you need a nap or to go on a walk or to go in the other room and scroll on your phone, it's ok. This is especially true for kids or others who don't have the option of turning down the invitation.

+1

You're a good host. Most people IRL are like this. I have never seen people IRL with strange rules like people have on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me 👋

First marriage (to a white guy) I would hold “indigenous people’s thanksgiving” where I would make indigenous food. One year I tried cooking the turkey over a fire and it wasn’t ready until 10pm. XH drew the line at acorns.

We divorced and I ended up marrying a native guy. The first year I started planning my annual indigenous Thanksgiving he was like “wtf is this s*** omg white people”. So now we’re back to mashed potatoes and green bean casserole.

This is amazing. I’m the OP and I love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kind of breaking my heart because my SIL could be you and would write about herself the same way, except that from the outside it’s clear that she’s crossed into alcohol abuse/alcoholism. And my nephews aren’t getting all of the support they need because the iPad has been the default for a decade and it works, but it’s taken away opportunities they might have had to connect to people in their own way. So now they’re very isolated and lonely.

So I guess just be careful…it’s a fine line and I admire your awarensss but also worry about you.

Not to worry. OP here. I drink one drink once a week if at all. I’m more likely to be handicapped by weight gain and my love of chocolate covered pretzels. Holidays are exceptions when I might have 2 drinks.

The kid gets iPad time but is also in a special school and activities and therapies. They will infodump about special interests. Current obsession is neopronouns for queer folx. They will tell you all about them and correct you fiercely when you misunderstand.

We are bringing this neurospicy show to a small conservative town in a swing state and my kid has limited understanding of social nuance. More drinks for everyone! More iPad time for the kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand people who bring food and make others heat it up for you or people who bring food only for a member of their family.

I have a kid who has food allergies and is extremely picky. He won’t eat Turkey, gravy, cranberry, masked potatoes, green beans, or salad. Since he was little we had him eat before we arrived then had snacks in the car if the event was several hours long. I served him a plate with a little bit of most things. He learned to move the food around on his plate. He would eat some bread and butter. He serves himself now and does the same.

Obviously family realizes he doesn’t eat much but we realize it is teaching him it is polite thing to do. Taking out your own container of food is always going to be seen as odd.

This is unbelievably rude. Not bringing anything to the meal, and then forcing them to participate in treating your kid this way is so toxic. You're teaching your kid to treat people poorly, by treating him poorly. There is nothing polite about what you're doing.

OP, you're fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these are easy fixes. Just shut up about your dietary restrictions would be a huge improvement.

Sure. But I do ask questions if things have butter so I know if I can eat it or not. And then people ask questions about what I can or can’t eat. And then I explain and then I myself am bored by the conversation. And it just happens because the sweet potatoes you brought look delicious and I want to know if I can eat them. I’d rather talk about something else. Truly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My picky eating neurodivergent kid is wearing a shirt that says It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.

-She doesn't eat turkey, beef, or ham.
-She doesn't like bread (or stuffing).
-She'll sometimes eat some mashed potatoes but it depends on how they 'feel' when she takes the first bite.
-We bring fresh string beans and roasted Brussels sprouts each year because she loves those. She won't touch MILs green bean casserole or corn casserole.
-This year we are also brining some crabcakes for her that FIL will sauté for her.
-She can eat an entire can of jellied cranberry sauce by herself. Her favorite way is to smear it on a tortilla with cream cheese and add shredded chicken.
-She hyperfixates on subjects and then info-dumps everything she's learned about that subject on anyone with an ear. Right now she's very interested in mushrooms. Does she eat mushrooms? No.
-She will only half pay attention to any game she's participating in and still somehow dominate it and win.
-If you or others around her are talking about a subject she doesn't find interesting, she will tune you out and start telling herself a story in her head. You'll know this is happening because she'll stare straight ahead and eventually start grinning. Which sounds terrible, but it loads better than when she would previously simply state "I don't find this line of conversation interesting" and either leave or start talking about something she wanted.

I’m OP and I think our kids would get along great.

[Anonymous]

If someone is picky I would SO much rather they bring something they like and they can sure or they don’t have to. I would feel horrible if I found out someone snuck out to their car to eat!!

My in laws are picky and I absolutely cater to them. It’s one meal, I can be fancy the rest of the year. I want people to have a good time in my house.

Let me know what you like/don’t like and I’ll figure it out. Or bring your own. Let’s just have a good stress-free time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand people who bring food and make others heat it up for you or people who bring food only for a member of their family.

I have a kid who has food allergies and is extremely picky. He won’t eat Turkey, gravy, cranberry, masked potatoes, green beans, or salad. Since he was little we had him eat before we arrived then had snacks in the car if the event was several hours long. I served him a plate with a little bit of most things. He learned to move the food around on his plate. He would eat some bread and butter. He serves himself now and does the same.

Obviously family realizes he doesn’t eat much but we realize it is teaching him it is polite thing to do. Taking out your own container of food is always going to be seen as odd.

You are making your son feel like a burden, someone whose existence is shameful, and not to be tolerated. SNACKS IN THE CAR? You are a terrible, terrible parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by the other thread, which I also love, I offer this.

We are THOSE relatives. Rolling into your gathering with our prickly, neurodiverse tween who will not eat anything offered for dinner, nor help much with clean up, but will binge dessert in staggering amounts and behave badly and/or spend an inordinate amount of time on an iPad.

We bring good, well-prepared food, and try to help where we can. We’d love to help with the dishes so we don’t feel like such a burden.

We might have one beer too many and get a little loud (joyfully? Tearfully?) because this particular parenting gig is hard.

My husband’s stories are too long. I have too many dietary restrictions that I talk about too often. My kid won’t participate in family games, or will try and then quit early or dissolve into tears.

We love you and are happy to be with you. We are getting an AirBnB so that you don’t have to deal with the inevitable evening meltdown of tween.

Who else here knows they’re bringing their own little sh*tshow to Thanksgiving?

I'd take your family over mine any day. You all sound normal and awesome. No need to bring food and I'll gladly cater to your prickly tween as I'm equally prickly when it comes to food. I will find something they will eat.