If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

Question. Do you feel guilt about the kids?

Why would I feel guilt about the kids? My relationship has nothing to do with them. I have no interest in him leaving his family. I have no interest in “more” than we have now— I’m very busy with my career and friends and travel and do not want a marriage or even to have to deal with a man full time. I’m not hurting his kids.

uh.. yes you are. You are complicit in hurting his kids.

It's one thing if you didn't know he had kids, but you clearly do, and you are hurting the kids by knowingly helping destroy their family unit.

Awful.

The “family unit” was destroyed by a nagging, unaccomplished DW who let herself go long before my AP and I even met at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

This. If the marriage was happy, he wouldn’t be with me. The mortgage and bills get paid, so he’s meeting his roommate obligations.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Some of you are selfish, immoral and delusional to think the kids don’t know! Oh we know! And it hurts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

Question. Do you feel guilt about the kids?

What they don’t know won’t hurt them.

But what about those impacted by upset mothers, parents fighting about this matter, and possibly having a family broken up. Nothing? So cold!

The marriage is basically over anyway. That is more the cheated on spouse’s fault than the AP’s. Do you think there would be no “fighting” without the AP? There is fighting in my man’s home constantly even without the DW knowing about us. His kids are teens though, so he won’t have to put up with her much longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

Question. Do you feel guilt about the kids?

What they don’t know won’t hurt them.

But what about those impacted by upset mothers, parents fighting about this matter, and possibly having a family broken up. Nothing? So cold!

The marriage is basically over anyway. That is more the cheated on spouse’s fault than the AP’s. Do you think there would be no “fighting” without the AP? There is fighting in my man’s home constantly even without the DW knowing about us. His kids are teens though, so he won’t have to put up with her much longer.

I read an article that said researchers found that most men are generally happy in their relationships even those who cheat. Of course couples fight, but in a million years I would never choose to play a role, even if the main onus fell on the guy, in a decision that might hurt others, especially kids. Both the DH and AP seem wrong to me. I hope that I’m raising my kids to be humans who think beyond “not my family; not my responsibility” when they’re adults and I would be incredibly disappointed in them if that’s the type of people they become.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

Question. Do you feel guilt about the kids?

Why would I feel guilt about the kids? My relationship has nothing to do with them. I have no interest in him leaving his family. I have no interest in “more” than we have now— I’m very busy with my career and friends and travel and do not want a marriage or even to have to deal with a man full time. I’m not hurting his kids.

uh.. yes you are. You are complicit in hurting his kids.

It's one thing if you didn't know he had kids, but you clearly do, and you are hurting the kids by knowingly helping destroy their family unit.

Awful.

The “family unit” was destroyed by a nagging, unaccomplished DW who let herself go long before my AP and I even met at work.

Are you actually buying that line?

[Anonymous]

It's all about karma - expect that the energy you give out, some day you will receive; to you APs who are with the DHs who are cheating, expect some day you may be cheated on, too.

To the DHs who are cheating - why not just tell your wife you want an open marriage? Why the secrets? Why not just be transparent with your wife about what you want, so she can have options too? IT is the lying that is the worst part of it, IMO. IT is a cliche that the cheated on wife has some how let her self go and is unaccomplished - think of Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwartzenager and the nanny- there are plenty of accomplished, sexy, gorgeous wives who are cheated on by their husbands; because it is not about whether their wife is quality or not, it is that some people have a compulsion to cheat, or may be cheating on their mistresses - they are putting out an energy - and if their wives knew who they really were, they might not want to be in that relationship. By keeping things secret/lying, a DH is taking away the DW's choice. By being an AP, you are complicit in this deception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

Question. Do you feel guilt about the kids?

Why would I feel guilt about the kids? My relationship has nothing to do with them. I have no interest in him leaving his family. I have no interest in “more” than we have now— I’m very busy with my career and friends and travel and do not want a marriage or even to have to deal with a man full time. I’m not hurting his kids.

uh.. yes you are. You are complicit in hurting his kids.

It's one thing if you didn't know he had kids, but you clearly do, and you are hurting the kids by knowingly helping destroy their family unit.

Awful.

Why doesn't the wife matter? I mean sure the guy doesn't like her anymore but he's pretending to and she's a real human. I'm sorry but it's just not true that some wife causes him to cheat. She may do something that makes him unhappy but that doesn't then equal cheating. Likely she doesn't even know because cheaters can't deal with conflict. I mean she's a human and you are treating her or him like she's not a real person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

Question. Do you feel guilt about the kids?

What they don’t know won’t hurt them.

But what about those impacted by upset mothers, parents fighting about this matter, and possibly having a family broken up. Nothing? So cold!

The marriage is basically over anyway. That is more the cheated on spouse’s fault than the AP’s. Do you think there would be no “fighting” without the AP? There is fighting in my man’s home constantly even without the DW knowing about us. His kids are teens though, so he won’t have to put up with her much longer.

I read an article that said researchers found that most men are generally happy in their relationships even those who cheat. Of course couples fight, but in a million years I would never choose to play a role, even if the main onus fell on the guy, in a decision that might hurt others, especially kids. Both the DH and AP seem wrong to me. I hope that I’m raising my kids to be humans who think beyond “not my family; not my responsibility” when they’re adults and I would be incredibly disappointed in them if that’s the type of people they become.

But how does a normal person get to be like this? How do they start out wanting a secret relationship rather than an authentic one?

And for all these AP's that say the wife did something just as many people think it's actually the AP who is doing more because they are luring this depressed person like prey. In reality we all have our own agency but these AP's are pretending they don't have agency to others because they enjoy these secret lives.

[Anonymous]

I know zero women that are affair partners. I have no idea who these people are so I just can't relate to how deprived you must be to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or do you just not care AT all???

I think they are lied to and then get in too deep.

Then they fight to keep it going because now they are married but I believe there will always be a dark cloud over the relationship, basically constant reminders of the "original sin".

Since the relationship started on deceit and cheating, I think the woman would always be questioning or wondering about her DH whenever he travels or goes out. In a normal relationship, there is some of this but one where it started with cheating is probably rampant with this.

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is any serious question that women who participate in these relationships have serious often unacknowledged problems in their background affecting their mental health. They may think they are fine but they are complicit in close injury to others including very much to children. On some level we are all complicit in all kinds of moral issues BUT this is so direct and so knowing. they are trying to make up for some part of them that is broken by hurting others and feeling power. they need to do a deep dig with a therapist to figure out why they are not just ok but literally taking pleasure n hurting others. Likely few do but maybe some. It is at best immature and self centered but also has a hint of sociopathy because they do not care/ feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should they? They never made vows to anyone. The scorned wives in here need to direct their anger to the real culprit.

+1

So many wives try to move on and forgive their husbands and then heave rage upon the other woman.

In most cases, she doesn’t think of you at all. She enjoys the time and sex with your husband. That’s it.

Wrong. AP told me she was so jealous of me. She knew a ton about me—-creepy AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

Question. Do you feel guilt about the kids?

What they don’t know won’t hurt them.

Then they did find out and she’s 50s lost the house and living in a crappy apartment making peanuts at the only job she could find after not working for 15 years.

[Anonymous]

This is such a troll question.

No, we don't feel any guilt and we're out to steal your husband and ruin your life. Obviously.